bigjohn

There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC. That's 'Before Computers'. Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all... Archbishop Temple's School.

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    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock 'n' Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during 'The Cold War'...and then

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    I became 'a family'. Which meant that I sort of missed the 'swinging sixties', but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.

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    During the 'Thatcher Years' I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 50 years of happy marriage.
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Cecil B. DeMille it ain’t !

Posted by Big John on January 13, 2015

As I have mentioned before, I was educated at a Church of England school: so as you can imagine I was subjected to a fair amount of Christian ‘brain-washing’, and although this set me off on the road to atheism, there was one aspect of all that religious nonsense that I quite enjoyed.

Yes, my imagination was ‘fired’ by all those fantastic tales from the ‘Old Testament’, such as David and Goliath and Joshua and those crappy walls of Jericho. I also became a big fan of those Hollywood ‘bathrobe epics’, such as ‘Samson and Delilah’ which had the rubber lips of Victor Mature spouting such cheesy dialogue as .. “Hey, one cat at a time !” .. when Delilah runs to Samson after he kills a lion: and who could forget Charlton Heston as Moses returning from Mount Sinai in ‘The Ten Commandments’ and trying to stop the ‘golden calf’ orgy, when an extra in the crowd called out .. “Party Pooper !”.

So it was with this in mind that, the other evening, I watched .. ‘Noah‘ .. on Sky Movies. Well, perhaps ‘watched’ is the wrong word to use, as most of the movie was shot in the dark, where Russell Crowe mumbled (well, he was 500 years old) and I couldn’t tell Ham from Sham or Og from Magog; and I got even more confused when Harry Potter’s girlfriend turned up and a 696 year old Hannibal Lector look-alike kept on about his bloody berries.

All I remember about the film is that there was plenty of tumultuous water and video game type digital battles. However, I did manage to avoid reaching for the ‘off’ button, but by the end of the movie I felt …

…”as old as Methuselah” !

Posted in humour, nostalgia, religion | 4 Comments »

Another moment of fame !

Posted by Big John on January 7, 2015

Yesterday afternoon ‘she who must be obeyed’ summoned me to the kitchen to view the sunset, which indeed, was quite spectacular, so I took a picture …

Tankerton sunset (800x549)

“Why don’t you send it to the TV weather people” she suggested. “They may show it on tonight’s weather report”.

So I did, and two hours later …

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… There it was on BBC TV, right behind my favourite weather girl, Rachel Mackley : and I even got …

… an ‘on-screen’ credit !

Posted in family, humour | 4 Comments »

So, what’s new ?

Posted by Big John on January 3, 2015

My miserable week has been brightened up considerably by the news that the number one prince of parasites ‘Randy Andy’ is up to his neck in princely poop due to some ‘alleged’ royal rumpy-pumpy, so you must excuse me if I indulge myself in a few moments (well actually more than a few) of ‘schadenfreude’.

OK, so our so-called ‘royals’ have always been a bed-hopping bunch. Queen Victoria’s son, who later became King Edward VII, wasn’t called ‘Dirty Bertie’ for nothing: and it is well know that the old girl herself had a problem keeping her naughty knickers on. In fact, the list of royal sex scandals is endless, with everything from bi-sexual drug addict dukes, and duchesses having their toes sucked, to rumours about old royal queens uncles chasing naked young guardsmen around the palace gardens at midnight !

I see that Buckingham Palace has issued a strongly worded denial of allegations that Prince Andrew was involved in “impropriety with underage minors”.

This denial reminds me of another great British sex scandal, only this one was political, which featured the late great Mandy Rice-Davies and that now famous quotation which she uttered when she heard that Lord Astor had denied that the affair happened …

… “He would, wouldn’t he?”

Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »

… and now ! …

Posted by Big John on December 31, 2014

… It’s …

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Well not quite, as I feel like shi .. I have flu: but how can this be ? .. I had my flu jab in October after taking advice from the NHS, like the good little old fart that I am; but it didn’t bloody work !

Oh, well ! … Back to the armchair, the welcoming fire, the paracetamol and a nice cup of

… a good stiff drink !

ALL THE BEST FOR 2015

Posted in family, humour, rant | 2 Comments »

It’s that time of year again !

Posted by Big John on December 23, 2014

WHATEVER YOU ARE CELEBRATING

HAVE A GREAT TIME

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MERRY CHRISTMAS

TO YOU ALL

 “Peace on Earth and goodwill to all men”

Now there’s a thought !

Posted in family, humour, nostalgia | 5 Comments »

Here we go again. – Part Ten

Posted by Big John on December 16, 2014

I suppose that I must have imagined it, but didn’t I once, not so long ago, hear a lying basta… government minister tell us that our troops would never return to Iraq and that there would never again be any British ‘boots on the ground’ in Middle Eastern conflicts ?

Now it’s been revealed rumoured that British Special Forces have conducted a series of attacks and are believed to have killed hundreds of ‘IS’ jihadis. It has also been announced that we will be sending hundreds of our soldiers to train Iraqi recruits, and that the USA has announced that it is committing 1,500 troops in the same role, while up to 400 Australian soldiers and 100 German (Blimey !) personnel will also be involved.

Umm ?.. Training? .. Why am I reminded about Vietnam, all those American ‘advisors’, and that old joke about rifles issued to the American trained ARVN (South Vietnamese Army) which where sold as army surplus and labelled ..

…  “Never been fired and only dropped once” !

Posted in humour, political, rant | 4 Comments »

Weird or what ?

Posted by Big John on December 13, 2014

Ever heard of .. ‘Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response’ .. ? .. No, me neither !

Well, if you really want to know what a ‘bonkers’ world we now live in, you couldn’t find a better example than the thousands of people who claim to experience pleasure from listening to whispers and scratchy noises in a bizarre phenomenon known as ‘A.S.M.R’. Some even claim to go all tingly when watching someone folding towels.

No, I’m not making this up … Read about it … Here !

One thing that you can be sure of is that once the ‘alternative therapy’ merchants get in on the act, these ‘susceptible individuals’ will soon be listening to the ‘scratchy noise’ of someone else counting what had previously been …

…  their money !

Posted in humour, rant | 1 Comment »

“Don’t drop the ‘baby Jesus’ !”

Posted by Big John on December 7, 2014

According to a recent survey only a third of schools now stage traditional nativity plays at Christmas, complete with Mary, Joseph, shepherds and wise men. Others perform modern alternatives without religious references. Some include space-men, fairies, and even Elvis !

Now it may seem strange that this old atheist, who welcomes the latest news that Britain is fast becoming a more secular society, is saddened by the demise of that annual event when small children appeared ‘on stage’ dressed in bed sheets, towels and sandals, forgot their ‘lines’, shuffled about, pushed each other, fell over, burst into tears and waved to their mums and dads in the audience; but to me, all those years ago, it was a tradition to be enjoyed along with Santa Claus and old time pantomimes.

Of course, for those parents whose kids still take part in such performances, they no longer have to ‘raid’ the linen cupboard for their ‘Judean’ robes thanks to supermarkets and online retailers offering cheap, mass-produced nativity costumes.

… Wouldn’t you know it ?

Posted in family, humour, nostalgia, religion | 1 Comment »

 
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