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    I was born in 1939 BC. That's 'Before Computers'. Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all... Archbishop Temple's School.




    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock 'n' Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during 'The Cold War'...and then




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Archive for the ‘rant’ Category

Oh No ! .. Not another one ?

Posted by Big John on May 4, 2015

Those of you who know me must have known that I would be unable to resist a comment or two on the birth of  the latest addition to the ‘House of Windsor’, or ‘er Maj’s mob, as I prefer to call them.

So, the ‘do nothing duchess’ has managed to provide a ‘spare’ to the heir, and can now take up her role as a hard working mother of two, which I know she will find exhausting, because all the royal worshipping parasites of the press have told us so. Although I’m not sure if they have told the nannies, cooks, maids, footmen and butlers at Kensington Palace and Anmer Hall yet.

There has been much speculation about the baby’s name. I favour Princess Chardonnay – Britney – Jordan – Kardashian – of the House of Middleton – Saxe – Coburg – Gotha. I think that Queen Victoria would have approved, and .. Blimey ! .. she does look like that miserable old monarch.

Oh ! .. bugger!   .. They’ve just named her Charlotte .. so Princess ‘Charlie’ it is then  …

… Gormless old grandpapa will be pleased.  

Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »

“Napoleon who ?”

Posted by Big John on May 2, 2015

This summer we will commemorate the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo: and guess what ? ..

Yes, as you would expect these days, a survey shows that many Britons know little about a battle that cost more than 60,000 lives; and associate the name with a London railway station or a silly song by 1970’s pop group ‘ABBA’.

It seems that more than a quarter of the people surveyed (28%) had no idea who won the battle, 14% believed the French were victorious and one in five knew absolutely nothing about an event that changed the course of European history.

Just over half (53%) correctly knew that the Duke of Wellington had led the British army, but many suggested it might have been King Arthur, Francis Drake, Winston Churchill, or even Dumbledore from the Harry Potter stories: and it was our young people who showed a “particular lack of awareness” !

Oh ! .. and by the way, the politically correct brigade (Oops! Sorry, too militaristic) zealots have advised that people attending commemorative events should not act in a ‘triumphalist’ way because .. Sacré Bleu ! .. this would offend the French.

Why am I not surprised ?  .. Well, in this age of ‘dumbed-down’ education and political correctness …

… “Ignorance is Bliss”  (Thomas Gray)

Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »

“Don’t vote, it only encourages them”. Billy Connolly.

Posted by Big John on April 23, 2015

I’ll be glad when this bloody election is over, as I’ve had enough of lying, self-serving, hypocritical politicians showing off their wives and kids (not to mention their kitchens), walking about in hard hats, talking with school kids, rolling up their sleeves when visiting hospitals and all the rest of the nauseating behaviour which they think will win votes.

Now, in the middle of this political pantomime, our Dave, not missing a trick, has turned his attention to the terrible happenings in the Mediterranean where hundreds, if not thousands, of desperate people are drowning as they attempt to flee the chaos in Libya and elsewhere in Africa.

In a recent speech, our excuse for a prime minister said that .. “crucially we’ve got to do more to deal with the problems in the countries from which these people are coming and we’ve got to crack down on the terrible people traffickers and people smugglers who are at the heart of this problem“.

I can only assume that his tiny brain has forgotten the fact that these ‘problems‘ have come about as a result of him and his mates destabilising the region by naively rushing in to give military assistance and support to every band of so-called ‘freedom fighters’ in the Middle East, without, it would appear, having a clue about the likely outcome of such reckless actions.

Meanwhile, back at home, the forecast is for a ‘hung parliament': and I must say that when I look at the gang of shysters who sit on those green benches at Westminster, the word ‘hanging’ …

often springs to mind !

Posted in humour, political, rant | 4 Comments »

Return ticket not valid !

Posted by Big John on April 7, 2015

As a young man I worked alongside a veteran who’s ideals and courage I greatly respected, for, a few years before, he had left this country to fight in a foreign war. That war was the ‘Spanish Civil War’ and he had been a volunteer in the ‘International Brigade’ fighting against Franco’s fascists. When he returned to the UK his left wing political convictions did not threaten my life or that of any other British citizen. In fact many leading politicians where on hand to welcome these Republican volunteers back to this country when that war ended.

Now we have a situation where many young men and women are leaving these shores to fight in another foreign war: and some of our naïve politicians and others are concerned about them, and would like to see them return safely to their British homes.

If this is not insanity, then I don’t know what is, because the difference between my old workmate and his comrades and these jihadists, is that they were no threat to the people of this country; whereas these poor misguided religious fanatics most definitely are, as they would like nothing better than to bring mayhem to our streets, as they will have been trained so to do, as part of their desire to wipe all those of us who do not believe as they do, off the face of the earth.

OK ! .. So if they are that keen to live under the black flag of the ‘Islamic State’, or ‘Daesh’ as it is known in the Middle East, and are happy with Sharia law etc. I say, let them go, but ensure that they never return …

… “In sha’Allah” !

Posted in nostalgia, political, rant, religion | 3 Comments »

Here we go again. – Part Eleven

Posted by Big John on March 28, 2015

Just when I thought that I had learned a little bit about the almighty mess that is the Middle East, with all of it’s blood thirsty tribal loonies and Arabic speaking arseholes shouting “Allāhu Akbar” as they fire their Kalashnikovs into the air, before they get on with the serious work of killing each other: and just when I have learned to call ‘ISIS’ the ‘Islamic State’, along comes a new mob of religious rebels who want to take over Yemen (and who knows what else ?). They are the ‘Houthi’ and are Shia Muslims.

Now the ‘happy go lucky’ Saudi Arabians and their Sunni mates are a bit pissed off to say the least, and even ISIS, Oops ! I mean the Islamic State and Al-Qaeda want to kick the Houthi’s arse, or more likely, well let’s just say, do what all good jihadis so love to do in the name of a peace loving religion.

The leader of the powerful Shia Hezbollah militia mocked the Saudi-led offensive, calling the Saudis .. “lazy losers” .. which is strange as I believe that President Obama is backing the Saudis, which again, is confusing me because the USA has been on better terms with Iran recently, and that Shia state is said to be the power behind the Houthi rebels.

I think that I should stop now, because it’s only likely to get even more confusing, but I would just like to say that, of course, the UK government has offered to support Saudi Arabia … and 

… Brent oil prices spiked 6% to $58 a barrel !

Posted in humour, political, rant, religion | 1 Comment »

Dastardly King Dick’s Departure.

Posted by Big John on March 24, 2015

If ever you wanted to see the eccentric English people at their barmy best, then you couldn’t have wished for a better example than the five day send-off being given to a king who was cast as an evil and twisted villain by the Tudors, and was then immortalised as a hunchbacked evil schemer by William Shakespeare.

Now it would seem that (after some 500 years and not a few dead bodies) he wasn’t such a bad bloke after all. In fact King Richard III seems to have quite a following of fans, if the thousands of people who turned out to see his coffin are anything to go by.

Now at this point I have to say that I could have done without all the religious ‘mumbo-jumbo’, but, even as a ‘republican’ history nut, I quite enjoyed (perhaps for the wrong reasons) all those medieval moments, with the men in armour, the horses, the banners, the beating drums and the booming cannons: but what really surprised me was the respect shown by all those slightly potty people, who queued for hours outside the cathedral to get a look at the coffin of a murderous monarch who lost his horse and was hacked to death in 1485: and although I saw the whole event as more than a bit bonkers, one thing did strike me, which was that, even in this land of ever increasing boorish behaviour, the spectators were behaving with some degree of dignity until, that is, there was that dopey ‘Diana’ display, as Yorkist white roses where flung at the coffin, and some ‘Plantagenet’ plonker in the crowd yelled …

… “Long live King Richard !”

Posted in humour, nostalgia, rant, religion | 4 Comments »

Green is for grass … Not glass !

Posted by Big John on March 18, 2015

I can remember a time when two rather magnificent horses pulled a huge grey coloured cart along the street where I lived; and when a couple of big strong men wearing leather jerkins and flat caps hoisted large metal dustbins (trash cans) onto their broad shoulders before emptying them into the cart. As I recall, these ‘dustmen’ where usually friendly blokes, who cheerfully chased us kids away when we would hung on the back of the cart for a ride.

Yes, in those far off days the collection of household waste was a simple affair. You threw your rubbish into a bin, put the lid on it, left it outside your front door and thought no more about it !

Now I have five plastic bins into which I have to sort my trash … One with a red lid for paper and cardboard … One with a green lid for garden waste such as grass cuttings … One with a blue lid for glass, cartons and plastic containers … One small grey container for food waste .. and .. One large bin with a grey lid for any other rubbish: and I must beware ! .. for the interior of each bin is inspected before the crew of orange clad ‘waste management operatives’ remove your garbage: for should you accidentally drop a paper bag in the blue bin, a Stasi sanitary supervisor will descend from the giant collection vehicle, with it’s flashing lights and noisy crushing machine, not, as common sense would dictate, to move the offending article to the correct bin; but, in typical ‘jobsworth’ fashion, to order the ‘defiled’ bin to be left by the roadside un-emptied, and bearing a warning notice, so that your neighbours are made aware that they are living close to a dumb-arsed dumper who must be a recycling reprobate.

OK, so I know that recycling is a good idea, but dragging those bins to the kerbside is becoming a ‘pain in the arse’ (literally), and I have to wonder, just how much of what I carefully sort every week ends up being transformed into something useful and how much ends up stinking up what used to be some poor sod’s …

… “green and pleasant land” ?

Posted in humour, nostalgia, rant | 3 Comments »

Sometimes it’s baked beans.

Posted by Big John on March 15, 2015

Continuing with the subject of my last post, this extract from a popular national newspaper (we all know which one) is a classic example of .. ‘a load of old bollocks’ … when it refers to ‘the do nothing duchess’ … as … “Kate exhausted by the rigours of pregnancy and looking after an energetic toddler” .. and .. “Kate and William can be grand, of course (I bet they can !), but they love it when Carole (the demon mother-in-law) brings them cheese on toast” ! .. When she does  …

… I bet it pisses off the butler !

Posted in humour, rant | 1 Comment »


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