Posted by Big John on August 11, 2016
I have often said that I have absolutely no interest in the fact that one sweaty person can run a bit faster than another sweaty person, or that one very wet person can splash down a swimming pool faster than another very wet person, and I have to wonder just how many people in this country feel the same ?
Well, if the BBC is anything to go by I must be the only one, because just about every minute, on every BBC TV channel, including the 24 hours news channel is devoted to the bloody Olympics !
If you enjoy sport, that’s fine with me. There are plenty of sports channels to watch, but this gross waste of our licence fees by our public service broadcaster is ridiculous to say the least.
I don’t give a shit about who ‘medalled’ (what a stupid word) today, who’s blubbing on the podium, or even who is bonking who in the competitors’ village. Mind you, I might just take a look at the women’s beach volleyball … Well ? …
… perhaps not !
Posted in humour, rant | 5 Comments »
Posted by Big John on August 3, 2016
I’ve just returned from visiting my local Sainsbury’s supermarket which, over the years, has often featured in this blog, so please excuse me if I repeat myself, as with the exception of Christmas, this is the time of the year which most ‘drives me up the wall’ !
Yes ! .. It’s the schools’ summer break, which means weeks of completely out of control ‘little darlings’ running up and down the aisles screaming their sweet little heads off.
It also means that because of an influx of summer visitors (I live by the sea) the supermarket ‘zombies‘ increase in number, clogging up the aisles as they aimlessly wander about.
I don’t know if the heat is to blame or if it is just holiday stress, but I did notice one or two strangers to the store getting somewhat frustrated because the baked beans weren’t where they thought they would be, and one scary tattooed lady was publicly ‘tearing her husband a new arsehole’ because he had led her down the wrong aisle in search of the salad dressing.
The checkouts were busy and the call kept on going out for the ‘queue busters’ who were probably hiding in the cold store, and I was unfortunate enough to be behind a lady whose husband was in hospital in a fairly uncomfortable state after undergoing surgery. I know all the details, but I won’t repeat them here as they would take too long to relate. In fact, it would take as long as it took this
silly … poor woman to very slowly, with one hand, place each item one at a time, on the checkout conveyer, pausing only to describe some distressing detail of her husband’s ordeal into the bloody smartphone …
… in her other hand !
Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 29, 2016
Some of you may recall that I have an interest in the Victorian era and the lives led by ordinary people at that time. In fact, I’m old enough to have known a few.
One aspect of my interest is in researching the history of the individual soldiers and sailors whose medals I have gathered together in recent years; and recently I decided to search for a particular Royal Navy medal to add to my modest collection.
I eventually found what I was looking for and discovered that the name on the medal belonged to a boy who joined the marines as a drummer in 1838 at the age of just fourteen. Two years later he was in a battle at sea where his fellow drummer was killed and he earned the medal.
During my search I came across another medal, which was not quite what I was looking for, but was even more astonishing when one considers the age of the recipient. He was a volunteer who joined the navy at the age of eleven in 1800. The following year, at the age of twelve he was on board a ship which was severely damaged at the Battle of Copenhagen with more than 200 of it’s crew being killed or wounded.
At that time in history, on land and on the sea, battles raged with who knows how many young ‘drummer boys’ and ‘powder monkeys’ facing death at any moment ?
Luckily those days are long gone, and in the weird world we all live in today, the only danger most young lads face is being hit by a train .. or .. drowned when playing …
… bloody Pokemon Go !
Posted in humour, nostalgia, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 21, 2016
How ‘jolly soooper’. Pippa the party planner poppit is to wed.
I’m sure that you all remember her stealing the show when her bum stood out amongst all those other aristocratic and royal ‘bums’ who attended sister Kate’s wedding.
How ‘golly gosh’ that her engagement ring has cost a whopping quarter of a million quid. The poor ‘gel’ looked a little confused in all those press photos, as if she didn’t know what to flash next. Her ring, her ‘toned legs’, her arse, or her £14,500 Cartier diamond watch, which is believed to be a present from her
hedge fund manager filthy rich boyfriend who just happens to own a £17million London mansion and a £3million private jet. I wonder what she sees in him ?
Now I hate to be cruel (who moi ?), but when I look at pictures of Pippa I can’t help thinking that she resembles a wannabe royal who ‘hit the headlines’ back in the 1930’s. Yes! .. Mrs. Wallis Simpson. She with a face like ‘a sack full of spanners’.
Unlike her sister and old Wallis, poor Pippa won’t be a Duchess, but, I’ve just learned that her future father-in-law is the Laird of Glen Affric and owns a 10,000 acre Scottish estate near Loch Ness in the Scottish highlands, and that when he ‘pops his clogs’ she will become Lady Affric … Ah ! .. How simply ‘spiffing’ ! …
… That’s made my day !
Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 19, 2016
The ‘Bonkers British’ are at it again !
It’s 90° and rising in my garden. The slight breeze feels like it is coming from the Sahara and even the birds are hiding from the blazing sun on this “Phew ! .. What a scorcher” day, and …
Yes ! .. It’s .. “Mad dogs and Englishmen” .. time again, when acres of flabby white flesh goes on display (not to mention the tattoos) as half-naked people rush into the sunshine with their kids to roast themselves in the sweltering heat despite all the health warnings from the ‘nanny state’ about dehydration and other heat-related conditions, and a Met Office ‘amber’ warning which could turn to ‘red’ at any moment. Just like all that, soon to be so painful, …
… ‘flabby white flesh’ !
Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 13, 2016
I’m confused !
Our Dave has resigned as Prime Minister because he wanted us to stay in the EU … Good ! … but, shouldn’t that mean that we then have a new PM who supported the ‘Leave’ campaign ?
Surprise ! .. We now have our own ‘Frau Merkel’ in the form of a lady who supported the ‘Stay’ campaign.
She may well prove to be a capable leader of our government, but when it comes to negotiations with the boys in Brussels, I have a feeling that we may end up with …
Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on June 25, 2016
Maybe not quite so dramatic as ‘The Fall of the Berlin Wall’ or ‘The Storming of the Bastille’, but ‘Brexit’ was pretty dramatic nonetheless. To to me, it would appear to represent something of a ‘revolution’ by millions of ordinary British people who resented the doom-laden prophecies of the massed ranks of our financial and out of touch political Establishment.
Who knows how this will all turn out in the end ? .. All I know is that the good news is that ‘our Dave’ is on the way out … and the bad news ? … He could be replaced as Prime Minister by Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. Yes ! Bloody ‘Bojo’ ! Time to send for …
… Madame de la Guillotine !
Posted in humour, political, rant | 5 Comments »
Posted by Big John on June 9, 2016
Have you ever heard of .. ‘Generation Snowflake’ ?
I must admit that I hadn’t until I read that Dame Fiona Reynolds, master of Emmanuel College, Cambridge, believes that parents in Britain need to rethink their children’s experiences, as kids no longer have room to run around and play. It would seem that children are now three times more likely to be injured because they have fallen out of bed rather than fallen out of a tree, and are currently growing up shielded from the harsher realities of life, which probably means that they are growing into a generation of mollycoddled wimps who need their own ‘safe space’ in an increasingly ‘politically correct’ country.
Now, the so-called ‘cotton wool’ kids have been around for quite some time, In fact, I commented on them at the end of this post of March 2007 after describing my own experiences in a far from ‘safe space’…
… But it sure was fun !
Posted in family, humour, nostalgia, rant | 2 Comments »