bigjohn

There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC. That's 'Before Computers'. Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all... Archbishop Temple's School.

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    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock 'n' Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during 'The Cold War'...and then

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    I became 'a family'. Which meant that I sort of missed the 'swinging sixties', but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.

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    During the 'Thatcher Years' I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 54 years of happy marriage.
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Archive for the ‘rant’ Category

Bring on the bulldozers !

Posted by Big John on November 30, 2016

What has 775 rooms,  52 bedrooms, 188 staff bedrooms, 92 offices, 78 bathrooms and around 300 people working there ?

Why, Buckingham bleed’n Palace of course ! .. and according to recent reports it’s falling apart, so we our government is giving ‘er Maj £370 million to have the old dump repaired, despite the fact that they have, at the same time, stopped providing grants for the building of much needed social housing.

So, why not just demolish the place ? .. It’s not as if the old gel and Phil will be ‘out on the street’ and, unlike many of her subjects fellow citizens, wondering where they will spend the night. …

… “Balmoral, Sandringham or Windsor Castle, Phil ?” .. or .. “Perhaps Charlie and Cruella will let us have their spare room ?”

… and after the grotty palace has been razed to the ground, lots of that ‘social housing’ could be built on the site, plus a giant skateboard centre, a bloody great ‘McDonalds’, a multiplex cinema and a ‘Disney’ style theme park (including a castle) with Mickey Mouse guardsmen to keep all those dollar, yen and euro spending …

… tourists happy !

Posted in humour, political, rant | 3 Comments »

Adolescent angst plus !

Posted by Big John on November 22, 2016

It’s time, once again, to go into miserable old git mode as I try to understand how many young people in this country fail to appreciate that they are lucky to be alive in this day and age and why they …

  • .. suffer ’emotional distress’ when they break a fingernail ?
  • .. have a nervous breakdown when their smartphones don’t work ?
  • ..  ‘self-harm’ when some ‘boy band’ splits up ?
  • .. threaten suicide when called names ‘trolled’ on social media ?
  • .. are obsessed with the ‘celeb’ culture ?
  • .. no nothing of the suffering in the world today ?
  • .. wallow in ‘recreational grief’ ?
  • .. struggle with the English language ?
  • .. indulge in mass hysteria ?
  • .. can’t tell fact from fantasy ?
  • .. and why the sensitive and fragile little darlings are offended …

       ….  by just about everything ?

Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »

A constitutional crisis or just another ‘cock-up’ ?

Posted by Big John on November 4, 2016

The majority of the British people voted to leave the European Union, and although this was bound to upset many people, it seemed that ‘Mother’ Theresa was going to make it happen ‘sooner rather than later’.

Now, I’m not quite sure why, but three High Court judges have ruled that the bunch of slippery chancers known as “Honourable” Members of Parliament and unelected peers must be involved in the procedure and that the Prime Minister does not have the right to use the Royal Prerogative to invoke ‘Article 50’ and start the process for ‘Brexit’.

I’m pretty sure that most of this self-serving hypocritical political ‘elite’ haven’t got the least respect for the wishes of those of us whom they consider to be ‘plebs’ and are now busy thinking up ways to dilute what the people had voted for by making amendments to any bill which would ensure that they are on a ‘nice little earner’ via their shifty fat cat mates in the City of London’s ‘old boy network’.

If you think that I am being a little harsh by using the term ‘slippery chancers’, you only have to look at .. ‘The Teflon MP” .. Keith Vaz, a.k.a. ‘Vazaline’, a former Europe minister and chairman of the Home Affairs Select Committee who resigned in September after claims that he paid two cocaine snorting ‘rent boys’ for sex, at a time when his committee was investigating prostitution; and, guess what ? .. His fellow MPs and ministers have now voted him into a vacant seat on (I’m not making this up) …

… The Justice Committee !

Posted in humour, political, rant | 1 Comment »

Happy Halloween America (and thanks a lot) !

Posted by Big John on October 31, 2016

I wonder who it was in this country who first saw an American movie where groups of happy children, wearing fancy dress, skipped along the street and where the smiling occupants of the houses displaying pumpkins on the porches cheerfully handed over handfuls of candy in response to the cries of …

“TRICK OR TREAT!” ?

.. and thought .. Now that’s a bloody good idea. Let’s forget about our traditional Halloween and make loads of money by selling all sorts of ‘spooky’ crap. We don’t have to worry too much about the ‘candy’ as British kids won’t know what that is, and anyway, they can always have fun by putting on a rubber skull mask, banging on some old lady’s door, demanding cash, trashing her front garden and …

… scaring the shit out of her !

Posted in humour, rant | 5 Comments »

Dumb and dangerous !

Posted by Big John on September 20, 2016

It would appear that just as the penalties for using a mobile phone at the wheel are to be increased, car manufacturers are planning to install a new generation of touchscreen entertainment systems in car dashboards.

What a brilliant idea ! … I wonder what marketing nutcase thought this one up ?

OK ! .. I know that the world grows more ‘bonkers’ every day and that too many idiots cannot live without being in constant touch with on-line ‘social media’, but how can someone think that it’s a good idea for drivers to be distracted by the latest moronic meanderings from ‘Tweetland’ or another ‘Face-ache’ fantasy ?

Despite the fact that drivers can travel thirty yards at low speeds without seeing where they’re going if they take their eyes off the road for just two and a half seconds, and that the new touchscreen systems allows the same drivers to send and read text messages on the go, car makers claim their systems are designed to be safe. Well, they would say that wouldn’t they ?

I wonder if the rear view mirrors will have a built-in …

… ‘selfie’ mode ?

Posted in rant | 4 Comments »

To be taken “with a pinch of salt” ?

Posted by Big John on September 7, 2016

We are constantly being told by the ‘nanny-state’ that we would all be healthier and live longer if we followed a ‘Mediterranean diet’. In other words we should cook using olive oil and eat lots of fish, fresh fruit, nuts and vegetables etc. and avoid too much red meat and ‘junk food’.

This sounds like sensible advice to me, although the ‘experts’ who are advising us have obviously never done much travelling around the ‘Med’ and seen the piles of pizzas eaten by the Italians, the pots of paté put away by the French or the chunks of chorizo consumed by the Spanish.

Now, I must say that I do tend to follow my Mediterranean cousins when it comes to the ingredients in most of my meals and, having spent a considerable time in the south of France, Spain and Italy I also follow them in the habit of eating later in the evening, usually after 8pm. which according to those same bloody experts is likely to increase my chances of a heart attack !

Anyone know what’s the latest on …

… Red Wine ?

Posted in humour, rant, travel | 4 Comments »

“Wow ! .. ‘er what’s a pentathlon ?”

Posted by Big John on August 11, 2016

I have often said that I have absolutely no interest in the fact that one sweaty person can run a bit faster than another sweaty person, or that one very wet person can splash down a swimming pool faster than another very wet person, and I have to wonder just how many people in this country feel the same ?

Well, if the BBC is anything to go by I must be the only one, because just about every minute, on every BBC TV channel, including the 24 hours news channel is devoted to the bloody Olympics !

If you enjoy sport, that’s fine with me. There are plenty of sports channels to watch, but this gross waste of our licence fees by our public service broadcaster is ridiculous to say the least.

I don’t give a shit about who ‘medalled’ (what a stupid word) today, who’s blubbing on the podium, or even who is bonking who in the competitors’ village. Mind you, I might just take a look at the women’s beach volleyball … Well ? …

perhaps not !

Posted in humour, rant | 5 Comments »

Another summer at the supermarket.

Posted by Big John on August 3, 2016

I’ve just returned from visiting my local Sainsbury’s supermarket which, over the years, has often featured in this blog, so please excuse me if I repeat myself, as with the exception of Christmas, this is the time of the year which most ‘drives me up the wall’ !

Yes ! .. It’s the schools’ summer break, which means weeks of completely out of control ‘little darlings’ running up and down the aisles screaming their sweet little heads off.

It also means that because of an influx of summer visitors (I live by the sea) the supermarket ‘zombies‘ increase in number, clogging up the aisles as they aimlessly wander about.

I don’t know if the heat is to blame or if it is just holiday stress, but I did notice one or two strangers to the store getting somewhat frustrated because the baked beans weren’t where they thought they would be, and one scary tattooed lady was publicly ‘tearing her husband a new arsehole’ because he had led her down the wrong aisle in search of the salad dressing.

The checkouts were busy and the call kept on going out for the ‘queue busters’ who were probably hiding in the cold store, and I was unfortunate enough to be behind a lady whose husband was in hospital in a fairly uncomfortable state after undergoing surgery. I know all the details, but I won’t repeat them here as they would take too long to relate. In fact, it would take as long as it took this silly … poor woman to very slowly, with one hand, place each item one at a time, on the checkout conveyer, pausing only to describe some distressing detail of her husband’s ordeal into the bloody smartphone …

…  in her other hand !

Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »