bigjohn

“Old age ain't no place for sissies.” .. Bette Davis

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC.
    That’s ‘Before Computers’.

    Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as

    World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all… Archbishop Temple’s School.

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    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock ‘n’ Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during ‘The Cold War’…and then

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    I became ‘a family’. Which meant that I sort of missed the ‘swinging sixties’, but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.

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    During the ‘Thatcher Years’ I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 58 years of happy marriage.

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Archive for the ‘rant’ Category

But is it all legal ?

Posted by Big John on September 11, 2019

Here is a quote from a blog that I posted on 25th September 2012 about the bunch of arrogant arseho…. our elected members of parliament

…”who probably consider themselves to be a ‘patrician’ elite who were born to rule, just as they believe that all we poor plebs were born to ‘tug our forelocks’ and vote to keep them in power. If you don’t believe me … How come leading Tory toff, Boris ‘bloody’ de Pfeffel Johnson, better known as ‘Bojo‘, is being tipped as our next Prime Minister?”

Well, Bojo made it, and it appears (note that I say “appears”) that he is trying to carry out the wishes of the majority of the British people who voted for ‘Brexit’ more than 3 years ago, despite finding himself in the middle of an unbelievable parliamentary ‘shit storm’ brought about by the near anarchistic and puerile antics of the far from honourable, “Honourable Members” !

Gawd only knows how it will end  .. ?.. The good news is that bonkers ‘Squeaker Bercow‘ is at last, returning to the circus where they found him, and shed loads of much needed money is suddenly promised to appear out of nowhere. The bad news is that the same old gang of self serving, back stabbing, slippery chancers will still be sitting on those green benches; and most of the promised cash will still disappear down the usual ‘black hole’ ! … and … I could be wrong … but, I suspect that …

…  “plus ça change” !

 

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Posted in humour, political, rant | Leave a Comment »

Superstore or Service ?

Posted by Big John on August 23, 2019

Recently, my electric cooker finally decided that it had cooked it's last 'Sunday Roast', grilled it's last fillet steak and fried it's final 'full English', so I decided to 'splash out' on a 'latest model' replacement, provided that I could find one that had knobs controls that I could understand, and that it would fit into the narrow space where the ‘deceased’ one now awaited it’s final journey to that ‘great scrapyard in the sky’.

Now I, long ago, gave up visiting those huge retail stores, with their “Mega Deals!” and “Unbeatable Offers!” etc. where “How may I help you ?”, usually meant  .. “I hope that this silly old fart doesn’t ask too many questions?” .. like .. “How soon can you deliver and install it? .. and .. “Will you take the old one away?”

So, that afternoon, I ‘phoned the bloke at the little electrical appliances shop in our local high street; and .. Hey Presto ! .. I had a new cooker ‘up and running’ in time for lunch the following day.

The point of this little tale, is that I have found that using a ‘little bloke down the road’ is often the best ‘way to go’ for reliable and friendly service, and he doesn’t try to sell you that “essential” extra insurance cover, keep checking his (or her) smartphone, or expect you to spend your time filling in one of those bloody stupid .. “Tell us what you think” feedback questionnaires.

Unfortunately, this old breed appears to be…

… nearing extinction !

Posted in humour, nostalgia, rant | 1 Comment »

It’s PC “Poldark” !

Posted by Big John on July 23, 2019

Having given my review of the TV series on ‘the dirty deeds in not so dirty Delhi’, I must move on to “Poldark”, another ‘load of old codswallop’ based on the stories by Winston Graham, I use the words “based on” lightly as series 5 is entirely the work of some BBC script writer who has introduced …  ‘racism’ and ‘mental health issues’ into the plot, which probably means that poor Morwenna’s previous experiences at the hands of the revolting reverend, will turn into a “me too” story line.

I’m betting that the series goes completely ‘LGBT’ within an episode or two, as I’ve noticed the way Dwight keeps looking at Ross; and Demelza has adopted more masculine attire and seems to fancy Prudie, who’s immediate reaction might well be … “t’int right” .. “t’int proper” .. to which I can only add …

… t’int entertaining !

Posted in entertainment, humour, rant | 1 Comment »

and … Not a punkah wallah in sight !

Posted by Big John on July 8, 2019

I have often commented on how I do enjoy a good TV historical drama series, so I was looking forward to the latest from ITV’s .. “Beecham House” .. because I have always had a great interest in the British in India during the time of “The Honourable East India Company” and the later colonial rule.

Well, all I can say is that, so far, it’s been more “Carry On up the Khyber” than “Jewell in the Crown” !

Its all about a bloke named John Beecham, who insists that he is not an evil exploiting British sahib, but in fact, loves India and it’s people, and, somehow has amassed a fortune there without doing any harm to anyone.  Oh!, and he is, or so it seems, the father of a ‘mystery’ baby.

He lives in luxury in what, to me, looks like one of those modern ‘Dubai’ themed hotels, full of oriental opulence and hidden air conditioning: and just to let you know that it is India, the Delhi street scenes always feature an elephant, a camel, a sweeper and a few ‘Gunga Din’ impersonators.

The story line is ‘clunky’ and most of the acting is ‘wooden’ to say the least, but I liked Dakota Blue Richards as the governess and love interest, and it’s possible that amongst the Indian cast there are some good actors, but it is hard to tell one from another with all that bowing and mumbling in all those saris, turbans and ‘Groucho Marx’ moustaches.

OK ! … That’s enough, but I just have to mention that John Beecham’s, wealthy, and one would expect haughty upper class mother, required a Maggie Smith or, perhaps a Judi Dench in the role. Instead we got Lesley Nicol …

… the cook from ‘Downton Abbey’ !

 

Posted in entertainment, History, humour, rant | 1 Comment »

I bet that Woody is “heteronormative”.

Posted by Big John on July 2, 2019

I always try to expand my vocabulary by taking note of words, whenever I come across them, which appear to be new to the English language, no matter how ridiculous they seem to me. “Woke” is a perfect example.

Now I have discovered a new one .. “disablist” .. which some ‘woke’ critic used in a review of the movie “Toy Story 4” describing an entertaining film for all the family as .. “sexist, racist and disablist”!

Blimey! .. It’s a story about toys coming to life. It features .. a plastic bilingual spaceman action figure with wings, a laser and a helmet .. a Mr. Potato Head .. a Bo Peep (with “new feminist makeover”) .. A talking plastic fork .. and many more of all shapes, sizes and colours .. and .. Yes ! .. You’ve got the message .. THEY ARE NOT REAL !

It reminds me of the time when pre-woke idiots demanded that “Sesame Street’s”, ‘Bert and Ernie’ should have a same sex wedding, and had to be reminded that “They don’t exist below the waist” because …

… “They are (bloody) glove puppets” !

Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »

What will she show us next ?

Posted by Big John on May 13, 2019

I’m sorry that I have not been blogging recently, but I’m sure that you will understand when I tell you that I have been absorbed, as has the rest of the world, with the arrival of the latest addition to ‘er Maj’s motley mob.

All that .. Hand on bump and .. “When will she?” .. “Where will she?”  .. and .. Pink or blue booties ? .. I couldn’t sleep for worrying about such a momentous event.

However, we can now answer the last question … It’s NO little booties ! .. How do we know this ? .. Well, can you believe that, Archie’s little feet are now front page NEWS

What I can’t understand is why they have named him ‘Archie’.  I don’t like it ! Therefore, I have decided to refer to this Anglo-American infant by a combination of both his mother’s and father’s family names, i.e .. ‘Win’ from “Windsor” and ‘kle’ from “Merkle”. To me he will always be known as little “Prince” …

…. “Winkle” !

Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »

More hypocritical Harry !

Posted by Big John on April 5, 2019

Talk about … “You couldn’t make it up!” … for, it seems that, ‘The Ginger Whinger of Windsor’.. AKA .. HRH Prince Harry, fears that … “Growing up in today’s world, social media is more addictive than drugs and alcohol”.

‘Nothing wrong with that’ … I hear you say … ‘it’s probably true’ ! .. and, for once, I have to agree with HRH (His Royal Hairyness).

However, he just happened to say this around the same time that he and ‘Me-Me’-Meghan took a break from all those ‘touchy-feely’ photo-ops to launch …”sussexroyal” … on … ‘Instagram’ !

I guess that they must have recovered from their previous trauma caused by all that …

… “public and press intrusion” !  

Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »

Democracy ? … Guess what !

Posted by Big John on March 29, 2019

Today was the day when the UK was to leave the EU, and ….

…   We bloody well didn’t !

Why ? … Because those arse … people who were elected to parliament to represent and carry out the will of the British people …

…  ‘bloody well didn’t’ !

Posted in political, rant | 3 Comments »