There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC. That's 'Before Computers'. Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all... Archbishop Temple's School.




    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock 'n' Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during 'The Cold War'...and then




    I became 'a family'. Which meant that I sort of missed the 'swinging sixties', but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.




    During the 'Thatcher Years' I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 54 years of happy marriage.
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Archive for the ‘rant’ Category

People who solve problems that aren’t there.

Posted by Big John on October 7, 2015

In recent days we have read of a disgraceful incident where a sergeant in the Royal Air Force was asked to move from a hospital waiting room as he was in uniform and because ..“we have all kinds of different cultures coming in”: and the ludicrous ban on university students wearing sombreros, which were being handed out by a ‘Tex-Mex’ restaurant, because it might upset Mexicans.” One student said … “Who will it offend, Speedy Gonzales ?”

I have often wondered who these people are who complain about various aspects of the British way of life that supposedly ‘offend’ religious and other minorities who have settled in this country, and now I know; and it’s not likely to be the Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Sikhs and others who live here, but, people like nutty Professor Adam Dinham who suggests to employers, (can you believe ?) not microwaving sausage rolls in a shared workplace kitchen, or not keeping bacon, or bacon rolls, in the fridge if it is shared with people whose beliefs prohibit them from eating pork.

It seems that this academic ass is a “professor of faith and public policy”. Of course he is ! It’s a pity that he does not consult with people like the chairman of the British Mexican Society, who in the case of the ‘racist’ sombreros said he .. “Would applaud any business of any nationality for doing anything to try to drum up business in a legitimate way, which this seems.” Or, perhaps the potty ‘prof’ should contact that Mexican mouse (also accused of being ‘racist’) about his …

… “Holy frijoles !”

Posted in humour, rant, religion | 3 Comments »

Here we go again. – Part Twelve

Posted by Big John on September 29, 2015

It’s ‘boots on the ground’ time again, as our Dave has agreed volunteered to send British troops to Somalia and South Sudan; but don’t worry because he said everything would be done to ensure troops deployed to these countries remain safe.. “Let me stress that obviously we will want to see all the right force protection arrangements to be in place”.

So how come that in Somalia, a country infamous for piracy, bloodshed, Islamic fundamentalism and hostility to Westerners, our soldiers will be helping an African Union peace-keeping force which has been fighting Al-Qaeda’s murderous mates Al-Shabab, who earlier this month killed a dozen Ugandan soldiers belonging to that same ‘peace-keeping force’ ?

It has also been reported that UK soldiers are to be sent to provide security for a new embassy in Mogadishu, a city where not so long ago, in what became known as the ‘Black Hawk Down’ mission, eighteen US troops were killed, mutilated and dragged through the streets by a jeering mob.

If I was a soldier and was offered a choice of posting, I’d opt for the slightly safer … shi.. sunny, sandy …

… South Sudan. 

Posted in political, rant | 2 Comments »

Next stop ? … The Caribbean !

Posted by Big John on September 20, 2015

Warning ! .. Please have the sick-bag ready before you read this ‘unbelievable’ report on how the ‘do nothing duchess’ returned to work after taking the summer off to look after the royal brats laze about on her and Willy’s new country estate.

Yes, the media is full of how she is returning to her so-called ‘royal duties’. Although ‘work’ is hardly the word to describe spending less than an hour at a centre for children with mental health problems, showing off a £1,250 dress (and almost her knickers) and attending the opening ceremony of the Rugby World Cup with her old man and ‘Hairy Harry’.

OK, that’s enough. You all know how much I love the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (and Middleton) gang, so I’ll end this rant now: but before I go I must just say that ‘Her Kateness’ looked a little ‘stoned’ with her bizarrely beaming smile and slightly dazed expression in her eyes. Perhaps the gardeners at Anmer Hall grow more than plain …

…  old lawn grass ?

Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »

I couldn’t let this day go by …

Posted by Big John on September 9, 2015

Today thousands of my fellow subjects citizens are celebrating the fact that ‘er Maj’ has been on the throne for 63 years which means, I think, that she is our longest reigning monarch.

Why they celebrate Gawd only knows. Perhaps one day they will wake up to the fact that the monarchy is an expensive irrelevance, and see that the Queen’s limited constitutional role would be better performed by an elected president who would be paid a modest salary for the duration of his tenure. In this day and age it is quite unacceptable that the political office of ‘Head of State’ should remain hereditary.

If you don’t agree with me now, you may do when you remember who will be the next one to sit on the throne, …

… pompous potty Prince Charlie !

Posted in political, rant | 3 Comments »

Barbed wire ain’t the answer !

Posted by Big John on August 30, 2015

I don’t know about you, but I get the impression that many people in this country, including the media, do not know the difference between a refugee and an immigrant.

So, what is the difference ? .. Well, a refugee is someone who is forced to leave his homeland and seek asylum in another country, and an immigrant is someone who just chooses to resettle in another country.

It is strange that many of us do not understand this, for we have seen both landing on our shores for hundreds of years, such as the Huguenots escaping persecution in France, the Jews fleeing the Russian pogroms, and later the Nazis, the Ugandan Asians kicked out by Idi Amin, the Irish and the West Indians looking for work and a better life: and although they were not always welcomed, and the ‘multicultural society’ proved not to be such a great idea, in general, our country has benefitted from the gradual influx of both refugees and immigrants.

Now we see hundreds drowning in the Mediterranean and dying in the backs of traffickers’ trucks as tens of thousands of Syrians, Eritreans and other nationalities flee war and seek safety within the European Union who’s members seem to have little idea of how to handle the situation. I know that it is a far from simple task, but surely they should be making a collective effort to stem the flow by setting up ‘safe havens’ where these people can be ‘processed’ rather than allowing them automatic entry into the EU which leads to the chaos which we have seen recently in some parts of Europe.

The Germans, to their credit, are taking in 800,000 refugees. It makes you question, knowing our past history, …

… what we should be doing ?

Posted in political, rant | 3 Comments »

Stuck by ‘Stack’ !

Posted by Big John on July 30, 2015

Yesterday I had to drive my wife to the William Harvey Hospital at Ashford for a pre-operation assessment appointment. The journey usually takes about fifty minutes and is mainly via ‘country’ roads which are fairly narrow in places. On a normal day this is not a problem; but yesterday was not a normal day …

It was an OPERATION STACK day ! … and the entrance to the hospital is just a few hundred yards from Junction 10 on the M20 motorway which was closed for several miles.

We were lucky and managed to make it to the hospital on time, but it was obvious from the near empty waiting areas that many people had not. We were not so lucky on the return journey, as during the time that we were at the hospital, the police shut down more of the motorway, which meant that those ‘country roads’ were choked with traffic, which included some bloody great trucks which were trying to negotiate some very tight corners and squeeze through some tiny village streets. I felt sorry for the bloke who was rebuilding part of the stone wall in front of his cottage and doubted that it would survive the day.The police were nowhere to be seen in all this chaos, not even one traffic cop to keep the traffic moving outside the hospital entrance. I dread to think what it must have been like in the back of an ambulance.

So, is anyone doing anything to solve this problem ? … Our Dave is on a ‘Jolly’ to the Far East, most of our MPs and ministers are sunning themselves on foreign beaches, or pissing it up on their rich mates’ yachts, and the few ‘muppet’ ministers who are still around have  gone into “crisis management mode“, which means that no one …

… has got a bloody clue what to do !

Posted in rant | 4 Comments »

So, where’s his crutch and parrot ?

Posted by Big John on July 24, 2015

One of my favourite books when I was young was ‘Treasure Island’ by Robert Louis Stevenson, so, as I sometimes enjoy watching TV ‘historical’ costume dramas,  I was pleased to see that a new series was coming to the ‘History Channel’ called ‘Black Sails’ which was billed as a ‘prequel’ to Stevenson’s stirring tale of pirates and the hunt for Captain Flint’s treasure.

Last night I caught up with episode one of what I hoped would be a swashbuckling tale, but I doubt that I shall bother with episode two. Oh, it was about pirates alright, but it was often difficult to tell one from another underneath all the scars, sweat and hair: and the dirty shaven headed lookalikes really had me confused.

John Silver was depicted as a bit of a clown and showed that he still had two legs at this time, in what was a completely unnecessary orgy scene. Of course, there was the now obligatory lesbian sex romp and much use of those four letter ‘F’ and ‘C’ words, which sound ten times worse when being uttered by a pretty young actress, who I’m sure didn’t mean her cat when she referred to her “pussy” !

None of the pirates broke into … “Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum” … but I did rather like the evocative theme music.

I expect that the story line will, at sometime, get around to Captain Flint burying his Spanish treasure, but before that I suspect that most of the screen time will not be taken up with the daring deeds of bold buccaneers, but with lots more …

… bare bums, boobs and bonking !

Posted in humour, nostalgia, rant | 3 Comments »

It’s what kids do !

Posted by Big John on July 21, 2015

I see that the toadies at Buckingham Palace got it all arse about face last week when they released their stories about Willy the brave part-time air ambulance co-pilot and “hero” Harry, saviour of the Rhino, as these PR stunts are usually brought into play after ‘the shit hits the fan’ about some ‘royal’ misbehaving, not before: and who looks like they were in trouble this time ? Well, non other than ‘er Maj’ herself.

Now, I never thought that I would see myself defending (reluctantly) the sour old sovereign, but, although it is well known that Uncle David (Later Edward VIII) and many members of the aristocracy were fans of the Führer, I doubt very much that a seven year old pampered English princess was about to run off and join the Nazi ‘Bund Deutscher Mädel’.

Yes, she was just seven, playing in the garden with her parents. It was only 1933, and not many people knew the truth about the Nazis plans. In fact, to many, Hitler was just a funny little man with a toothbrush moustache and hair hanging over one eye (remember Charlie Chaplin).

It was all a very long time ago, but I can still remember my young friends  coming out of the cinema after Saturdays’ children’s movie matinee shouting .. “Put your hand up if you want to play Hopalong Cassidy or Robin Hood !”

Perhaps Uncle David had a premonition and shouted .. “Put your hand up if you want to play …

… Kings and Queens !”

Posted in humour, nostalgia, political, rant | 3 Comments »


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