Posted by Big John on July 21, 2016
How ‘jolly soooper’. Pippa the party planner poppit is to wed.
I’m sure that you all remember her stealing the show when her bum stood out amongst all those other aristocratic and royal ‘bums’ who attended sister Kate’s wedding.
How ‘golly gosh’ that her engagement ring has cost a whopping quarter of a million quid. The poor ‘gel’ looked a little confused in all those press photos, as if she didn’t know what to flash next. Her ring, her ‘toned legs’, her arse, or her £14,500 Cartier diamond watch, which is believed to be a present from her
hedge fund manager filthy rich boyfriend who just happens to own a £17million London mansion and a £3million private jet. I wonder what she sees in him ?
Now I hate to be cruel (who moi ?), but when I look at pictures of Pippa I can’t help thinking that she resembles a wannabe royal who ‘hit the headlines’ back in the 1930’s. Yes! .. Mrs. Wallis Simpson. She with a face like ‘a sack full of spanners’.
Unlike her sister and old Wallis, poor Pippa won’t be a Duchess, but, I’ve just learned that her future father-in-law is the Laird of Glen Affric and owns a 10,000 acre Scottish estate near Loch Ness in the Scottish highlands, and that when he ‘pops his clogs’ she will become Lady Affric … Ah ! .. How simply ‘spiffing’ ! …
… That’s made my day !
Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 19, 2016
The ‘Bonkers British’ are at it again !
It’s 90° and rising in my garden. The slight breeze feels like it is coming from the Sahara and even the birds are hiding from the blazing sun on this “Phew ! .. What a scorcher” day, and …
Yes ! .. It’s .. “Mad dogs and Englishmen” .. time again, when acres of flabby white flesh goes on display (not to mention the tattoos) as half-naked people rush into the sunshine with their kids to roast themselves in the sweltering heat despite all the health warnings from the ‘nanny state’ about dehydration and other heat-related conditions, and a Met Office ‘amber’ warning which could turn to ‘red’ at any moment. Just like all that, soon to be so painful, …
… ‘flabby white flesh’ !
Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 13, 2016
I’m confused !
Our Dave has resigned as Prime Minister because he wanted us to stay in the EU … Good ! … but, shouldn’t that mean that we then have a new PM who supported the ‘Leave’ campaign ?
Surprise ! .. We now have our own ‘Frau Merkel’ in the form of a lady who supported the ‘Stay’ campaign.
She may well prove to be a capable leader of our government, but when it comes to negotiations with the boys in Brussels, I have a feeling that we may end up with …
Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on June 25, 2016
Maybe not quite so dramatic as ‘The Fall of the Berlin Wall’ or ‘The Storming of the Bastille’, but ‘Brexit’ was pretty dramatic nonetheless. To to me, it would appear to represent something of a ‘revolution’ by millions of ordinary British people who resented the doom-laden prophecies of the massed ranks of our financial and out of touch political Establishment.
Who knows how this will all turn out in the end ? .. All I know is that the good news is that ‘our Dave’ is on the way out … and the bad news ? … He could be replaced as Prime Minister by Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. Yes ! Bloody ‘Bojo’ ! Time to send for …
… Madame de la Guillotine !
Posted in humour, political, rant | 5 Comments »
Posted by Big John on June 9, 2016
Have you ever heard of .. ‘Generation Snowflake’ ?
I must admit that I hadn’t until I read that Dame Fiona Reynolds, master of Emmanuel College, Cambridge, believes that parents in Britain need to rethink their children’s experiences, as kids no longer have room to run around and play. It would seem that children are now three times more likely to be injured because they have fallen out of bed rather than fallen out of a tree, and are currently growing up shielded from the harsher realities of life, which probably means that they are growing into a generation of mollycoddled wimps who need their own ‘safe space’ in an increasingly ‘politically correct’ country.
Now, the so-called ‘cotton wool’ kids have been around for quite some time, In fact, I commented on them at the end of this post of March 2007 after describing my own experiences in a far from ‘safe space’…
… But it sure was fun !
Posted in family, humour, nostalgia, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on May 19, 2016
Recently, as I passed by the local dog
beauty grooming parlour, an elderly lady came along the street leading one of those yappy little dogs which seem to be ‘in fashion’ at the moment, and the tiny creature was not happy judging by all the noise it was making, and by the way it was attempting to go in the opposite direction.
“Stop that !” .. said the lady .. “You know how you like the young ladies in the shop”.
Yap! .. Yap! .. Yap! .. replied the dog.
“There’s a good boy now. Please be quiet for mummy”.
More … Yap! .. Yap! .. Yap! .. which ended with the little mutt taking a ‘dump’ in the middle of the footpath.
“Oh dear ! .. That’s very naughty” .. sighed the lady .. as she pulled a small plastic bag from her pocket … “Mummy is very cross with you”.
Lots more .. Yap! .. Yap! .. Yapping !
This one sided conversation went on for some time, before the old girl finally managed to drag the dog into the shop, after threatening not to let the animal play with his “bally” when they got home.
Now, here’s the question … Why do so many people believe that dogs can understand the English language ? … and how do they communicate if they own ..
.. a German Shepherd ?
Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »
Posted by Big John on May 11, 2016
Below are three press reports relating to Islam. Only one of which is true. Can you guess which one it is ?
1 … Due to London now having a Muslim mayor, the Saudi government is advertising for a Christian to take up a similar post in Riyadh.
2 … London’s buses and public transport in other UK cities will carry banner adverts featuring the Arabic phrase “Subhan Allah” for Ramadan. This idea has been taken up by the authorities in Tehrān where buses will now carry posters wishing people a “Happy Christmas”.
3 … Police who staged a mock terrorist attack featuring a bomber shouting “Allahu Akbar” have been forced to apologise for racial stereotyping.
Need a clue ? … This happened …
… on the same day !
Posted in humour, rant, religion | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Big John on May 5, 2016
I recently invested in a new ‘all singing and dancing’ Sky+HD satellite TV system, and I am now wondering .. Why ? .. for after scanning through it’s TV guide, I can find very little worth watching apart from one or two US crime series, such as ‘Blue Bloods’ (‘she who must be obeyed’ fancies Tom Selleck) and a few interesting documentaries on the ‘History Channel’ and ‘PBS America’.
Now I know that I have ranted about this before, but ‘Trash TV’ is getting beyond a joke, with an endless parade of blubbing bakers, crying cooks, distraught dancers and assorted ‘wannabes’ taking up many hours of ‘prime time’ TV. Old style game shows for the gormless seem to be back in a big way, along with lots of ‘celeb’ chat show crap for cretins.
Decent drama is hard to find and comes around about once a week if you are lucky, but don’t expect the actors to keep their clothes on, even one of my favourites, the Simla ‘soap’ better known as ‘Indian Summers’ has degenerated into more of a story of ‘rumpy-pumpy’ during the ‘Raj’ than a serious portrayal of the last days of British rule in India.
Still, it’s not all bad news. ‘Game of Thrones’ is back, so the old brainbox gets a workout, as I try to stay with the plot (is there one ?) and tell a Lannister from a Targaryan; and tonight will see me sitting in front of my TV wearing my flat cap, with a glass of stout in hand as I eagerly await the return of those 1920’s haircuts and the bloody tale of the …
… ‘Peaky Blinders’ !
Posted in entertainment, family, humour, rant | 8 Comments »