bigjohn

There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC.
    That’s ‘Before Computers’.

    Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as

    World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all… Archbishop Temple’s School.

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    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock ‘n’ Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during ‘The Cold War’…and then

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    I became ‘a family’. Which meant that I sort of missed the ‘swinging sixties’, but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.

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    During the ‘Thatcher Years’ I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 56 years of happy marriage.

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Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

This is far more important than Brexit !

Posted by Big John on November 3, 2017

Let me say straight away that the perpetrators of serious sexual abuse should be exposed and punished; but, having said this, why am I not surprised that after the revelations about the disgusting ‘Hollywood’ goings-on by ‘Weinstein and Co’, we now find ourselves observing the ridiculous spectacle of .. ‘KNEEGATE‘ !

Now I know that our members of parliament are like a string of old Christmas tree lights .. ‘half of them don’t work, and the rest are not too bright’ .. but how, in this ‘touchy-feely’, ‘kissy-kissy’. “Mwa! .. Mwa!” world did they reach the conclusion that a touch on the knee or an inappropriate suggestion warrants so much valuable parliamentary time and such drastic actions ?  It may be unwelcome, unpleasant and deplorable behaviour, but it hardly falls in the category of …

…  ‘sexual abuse’ !

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Posted in humour, political, rant | 3 Comments »

What next .. ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ .. ?

Posted by Big John on October 24, 2017

I see that the ‘snowflake’ students are in the news again. This time it’s poor old Bill Shakespeare’s more gory plays which may upset the poor little lambs, plus the ‘blood soaked’ tragedies of such amusing Greek authors as Euripides and Aristotle. One college has even warned theology students that they (I’m not making this up) may be disturbed by images of the crucifixion of Christ.

Well if that is the case I hope that the history students didn’t watch the first episode of the BBC’s new historical drama series ‘Gunpowder‘ because it would most certainly have given them a touch of the collywobbles or far worse, with it’s gruesome depiction of 16th century executions.

One scene showed an elderly naked woman being ‘pressed’ to death beneath a large door and heavy weights, and a young Catholic priest being ‘hung drawn and quartered’ with his body being disembowelled and hacked apart and his head dipped in tar and mounted on a spike: and all in the name of religion !

I’m not sure how historically accurate this drama about Guy Fawkes and the ‘Gunpowder Plot’ is, but so far it’s proved to be …

BLOODY entertaining ! .. Interesting.

Posted in entertainment, History, humour, religion | 1 Comment »

Sophie looked nice, and only one medal.

Posted by Big John on October 7, 2017

I have often (perhaps too often ?) had a little rant about ‘er Maj’s sons and how they can’t keep out of the old ‘dressing up box’, but, blimey ! I couldn’t resist another one when I saw this picture of Edward wearing the ‘tropical’ full dress uniform of Commadore of the Royal Fleet Auxiliary.

I suppose that he thought it OK to wear this outfit as RFA vessels do transport Royal Marines to where the action is, and although he has the nerve to wear seven medals, he did only spend a few weeks training as a marine before deciding all that mud, sweat and those big tough men were all too much for him, and so, he dumped his uniform and flounced off to join the ‘luvvies’ of ‘theatre land’ where I am pretty sure he must have ‘rubbed shoulders’ with more than a few gay thespians.

On a more serious note, and bearing these encounters in mind, I have to wonder why ‘H.R.W’ (His Royal Wimpness) agreed to ‘pay homage’ to a serious ‘nasty piece of work’ named Hassanal Bolkiah, the Sultan of Brunei, who is often criticised by human rights campaigners over the country’s strict Islamic laws and lack of democracy, and where homosexuals are …

… hanged or stoned to death ?

Posted in humour, political, rant | 1 Comment »

A double (weirdo) whammy !

Posted by Big John on September 27, 2017

Following on from my last post, I see that Sainsbury’s are planning to ensure that my visits to their store become even more perilous when they equip their ‘supermarket zombie’ customers with an app which will enable them to pay for their groceries etc. and leave the store without passing through the checkouts, thus turning them, also, into ‘smartphone zombies’ ! …

… I can hardly wait !

Posted in humour, rant | 1 Comment »

A peddling ‘plonker’ !

Posted by Big John on September 22, 2017

Today I was returning to my car in Sainsbury’s supermarket car park with a fully loaded trolley (cart) when I encountered a young man on a bicycle who had decided to peddle round and round in a tight circle right in the middle of the footpath. He was wearing a woollen hat pulled down over his ears, although it was a warm sunny day, and seemed completely oblivious to the shoppers who had to make a ‘detour’ around him to avoid a collision as he weaved and wobbled to maintain his balance.

Why was he doing this ? … Yes, you guessed it .. He was just another of those smartphone ‘zombies’ who seem to multiply by the day.

Why ? .. you may ask, didn’t he get off of his bike to use his ‘phone, or at least find a more convenient place to practice his stupid stunt ?

Who knows ? .. Perhaps he was ‘stoned’ ? .. Perhaps he was disabled in some way ? .. Perhaps he was ‘bonkers’ ? .. Perhaps he was posing for a cycling ‘selfie’ ? ..  Most likely he was just in that ubiquitous  …

… texting trance !  

Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »

‘Buck House’ meets ‘Downton Abbey’.

Posted by Big John on September 14, 2017

It’s that time of year again when there is ‘bugger all’ to watch on TV ! … Apart from the odd watchable movie, it’s all sport, ‘reality crap’ and repeats of programmes repeated ‘Gawd’ knows how many times before ?

Bearing this in mind, I decided to watch the start of the second series of ‘Victoria’, although as an aficionado of the Victorian era, I was not too impressed with the first series which depicted the first few years of the reign of Queen Victoria, from her accession to the throne as a teenager, to her friendship and infatuation with Lord Melbourne, her marriage to Prince Albert and the birth of their first child.

Now, if you were asked to name a most interesting and eventful period in British History, you would be hard pressed to find one more exciting than the period of Queen Victoria’s reign, so why not just stick to history and forget all the ‘upstairs, downstairs’ rubbish such as the imagined lives of the palace servants and introducing historically inaccurate characters such as the miserable old walking stick waving Duchess of Buccleuch, the bossy Mistress of the Robes, who in fact, was eight years younger than Victoria when she joined the royal household. The subject of one scene which involved both Victoria and Albert concerned the vitally important matter of who was responsible for cleaning the palace windows !

Unfortunately, at this time most of the interesting real life characters have departed from the series. Lord ‘M’ has ‘popped his clogs’ and the Coburg family members have schlepped back to the old schloss. Even ‘Dash’ the poor bloody dog has ‘snuffed it’ ! .. and where is the Duke of Wellington when you need him ?

To be fair, the massacre of 4,500 British troops and 12,000 civilians during the retreat from Kabul did get a mention, but only so that the young (?) lone survivor could ‘make a pass at her’. I can’t wait for the start of …

… The Crimean War !

Posted in entertainment, History, humour, rant | Leave a Comment »

No offence meant … Just my little rant !

Posted by Big John on September 5, 2017

It’s been a few days since my last post, so it’s about time that I had a little rant about something, although it’s hard to find anything in the press other than Kate’s expecting a new royal brat, and that none of our esteemed leaders ‘political pygmies’ seems to have a bloody clue about how to deal with the ‘gravy train’ boys in Brussels over ‘Brexit’. .. Oh! .. and we may be about to see the start of World War III !

Let’s start with ‘Lidl’ supermarkets who have been caught removing the crosses from a picture on its ‘Greek’ range of foods which shows blue-domed churches on the island of Santorini – but only their domes as the crosses that surmount them have been digitally excised so as not to offend, dare I say, Muslims ?  … and …

Whilst on the subject of ‘people being offended’, I’m pleased to report that an Oxford professor has said that ‘generation snowflake’ students need to be taught how to respond to ‘views they find objectionable’ as there was no ‘right not to be offended’. She added: “And I say, I’m sorry, but my job is not to make you feel comfortable. Education is not about being comfortable. In fact, I’m interested in making you uncomfortable. And if you don’t like someone’s views, you challenge them’.” … “So, put that in your ‘PC’ pipe and smoke it” .. No, she didn’t say that. The last bit’s mine.

I’m just getting warmed up so before I offend someone (like those colourful Irish travellers) I must just mention the major topic of the day. Yes, of course … It’s gender fluidity and what it means to reject the male/female binary (whatever that is ?) and the need to dress our kids in ‘gender-neutral clothing’. I’ve just remembered … Little Prince George is about to start school. I can’t wait to see …

…. his school uniform !

 

Posted in humour, political, rant, religion | 2 Comments »

“Uneasy lies the head …”

Posted by Big John on August 24, 2017

There has been a lot of ‘talk’ recently about who should be king when some angelic flunkey opens the ‘Pearly Gates’ and ‘er Maj pops through and meets up with all of her dodgy ancestors. Well, at least, all of those who are not being ‘toasted’ by the fires in the palace of the Prince of Darkness.

It has been reported that Charlie and Cruella Camilla are not too popular at the moment as ‘Weepy Willy’ and the ‘Ginger Whinger’ are once again, taking the opportunity of the 20th anniversary of ‘saintly’ Diana’s death, to try and win over public support by telling us, in great detail, about the life and tragic death of their  .. “mum” !

Now it was fairly obvious that their late mother sometimes appeared to be a ‘few jewels short of a tiara’ and I’m beginning to think the same about this pampered pair of princes. So, although I and a great many of my fellow citizens couldn’t care bloody less who gets to wear the crown, I’m afraid that the idea that Charlie should step down and let Willy become king and Katie be queen is not such a bright idea, for when it comes to the so-called Duke and Duchess of Cambridge …

… “bright” is not a word that immediately springs to mind.

Posted in History, humour, rant | 2 Comments »