“Old age ain't no place for sissies.” .. Bette Davis

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC.
    That’s ‘Before Computers’.

    Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as

    World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all… Archbishop Temple’s School.




    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock ‘n’ Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during ‘The Cold War’…and then




    I became ‘a family’. Which meant that I sort of missed the ‘swinging sixties’, but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.




    During the ‘Thatcher Years’ I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 56 years of happy marriage.

  • July 2019
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Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

It’s PC “Poldark” !

Posted by Big John on July 23, 2019

Having given my review of the TV series on ‘the dirty deeds in not so dirty Delhi’, I must move on to “Poldark”, another ‘load of old codswallop’ based on the stories by Winston Graham, I use the words “based on” lightly as series 5 is entirely the work of some BBC script writer who has introduced …  ‘racism’ and ‘mental health issues’ into the plot, which probably means that poor Morwenna’s previous experiences at the hands of the revolting reverend, will turn into a “me too” story line.

I’m betting that the series goes completely ‘LGBT’ within an episode or two, as I’ve noticed the way Dwight keeps looking at Ross; and Demelza has adopted more masculine attire and seems to fancy Prudie, who’s immediate reaction might well be … “t’int right” .. “t’int proper” .. to which I can only add …

… t’nt entertaining !


Posted in entertainment, humour, rant | Leave a Comment »

and … Not a punkah wallah in sight !

Posted by Big John on July 8, 2019

I have often commented on how I do enjoy a good TV historical drama series, so I was looking forward to the latest from ITV’s .. “Beecham House” .. because I have always had a great interest in the British in India during the time of “The Honourable East India Company” and the later colonial rule.

Well, all I can say is that, so far, it’s been more “Carry On up the Khyber” than “Jewell in the Crown” !

Its all about a bloke named John Beecham, who insists that he is not an evil exploiting British sahib, but in fact, loves India and it’s people, and, somehow has amassed a fortune there without doing any harm to anyone.  Oh!, and he is, or so it seems, the father of a ‘mystery’ baby.

He lives in luxury in what, to me, looks like one of those modern ‘Dubai’ themed hotels, full of oriental opulence and hidden air conditioning: and just to let you know that it is India, the Delhi street scenes always feature an elephant, a camel, a sweeper and a few ‘Gunga Din’ impersonators.

The story line is ‘clunky’ and most of the acting is ‘wooden’ to say the least, but I liked Dakota Blue Richards as the governess and love interest, and it’s possible that amongst the Indian cast there are some good actors, but it is hard to tell one from another with all that bowing and mumbling in all those saris, turbans and ‘Groucho Marx’ moustaches.

OK ! … That’s enough, but I just have to mention that John Beecham’s, wealthy, and one would expect haughty upper class mother, required a Maggie Smith or, perhaps a Judi Dench in the role. Instead we got Lesley Nicol …

… the cook from ‘Downton Abbey’ !


Posted in entertainment, History, humour, rant | 1 Comment »

I bet that Woody is “heteronormative”.

Posted by Big John on July 2, 2019

I always try to expand my vocabulary by taking note of words, whenever I come across them, which appear to be new to the English language, no matter how ridiculous they seem to me. “Woke” is a perfect example.

Now I have discovered a new one .. “disablist” .. which some ‘woke’ critic used in a review of the movie “Toy Story 4” describing an entertaining film for all the family as .. “sexist, racist and disablist”!

Blimey! .. It’s a story about toys coming to life. It features .. a plastic bilingual spaceman action figure with wings, a laser and a helmet .. a Mr. Potato Head .. a Bo Peep (with “new feminist makeover”) .. A talking plastic fork .. and many more of all shapes, sizes and colours .. and .. Yes ! .. You’ve got the message .. THEY ARE NOT REAL !

It reminds me of the time when pre-woke idiots demanded that “Sesame Street’s”, ‘Bert and Ernie’ should have a same sex wedding, and had to be reminded that “They don’t exist below the waist” because …

… “They are (bloody) glove puppets” !

Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »

But who was that señorita ?

Posted by Big John on June 11, 2019

If on-line archive sites such as ‘Ancestry’ are anything to go by, a great many people are interested in their family histories; and yet, when you ask someone how much they know about their ancestors you find that many know very little and you often get the same response .. “I wish that I had asked the old folks, like grandma, when they were still around”.

Well, to some degree, I was lucky, because I have been able to trace my father’s family back as far as 1635, but I’ve not had much luck with my mother’s family.

That is until I remembered that when I was a kid my ‘gran’, who was born in 1882, used to tell me (amongst other tales) that I had Spanish blood running through my veins because her grandmother (1830-1899) had told her that her father (my granny’s great grandfather) had been a soldier who met and married (?) a Spanish girl when he was fighting in Spain.

(1940’s .. Here’s Grandma .. “Olé”)


Which means that they met during the Napoleonic Wars, as the ‘Peninsular War’ (1807-1814) was the conflict at that time when British troops were fighting against the French in Spain: and, much to my surprise I found my great-great-great-grandfather’s fairly uncommon name in various National Archive military records, and .. Yes! .. he was at the Battle of Salamanca in 1812 and served in a light dragoon regiment.

(British Light Dragoons at The Battle of Salamanca)

Now here comes the interesting part, for I also checked other army records, and found his name on a Muster Roll for Light Dragoons together with the name of another one of my great-great-great- granddads: which means that, a little later, the son of one of these ‘comrades in arms’ married the daughter of the other. Result ? …

… My granny’s granny !


Posted in family, History, humour, nostalgia | Leave a Comment »

What will she show us next ?

Posted by Big John on May 13, 2019

I’m sorry that I have not been blogging recently, but I’m sure that you will understand when I tell you that I have been absorbed, as has the rest of the world, with the arrival of the latest addition to ‘er Maj’s motley mob.

All that .. Hand on bump and .. “When will she?” .. “Where will she?”  .. and .. Pink or blue booties ? .. I couldn’t sleep for worrying about such a momentous event.

However, we can now answer the last question … It’s NO little booties ! .. How do we know this ? .. Well, can you believe that, Archie’s little feet are now front page NEWS

What I can’t understand is why they have named him ‘Archie’.  I don’t like it ! Therefore, I have decided to refer to this Anglo-American infant by a combination of both his mother’s and father’s family names, i.e .. ‘Win’ from “Windsor” and ‘kle’ from “Merkle”. To me he will always be known as little “Prince” …

…. “Winkle” !

Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »

No ! .. It’s not “Game of Thrones” Day.

Posted by Big John on April 23, 2019

OK .. I know, most English people ‘don’t do’ Saint George’s Day.

However, this year I am flying the flag to celebrate that good old dragon slaying saint, who is believed to have been born in Turkey and served in the Roman Army in the third century ‘AD’ or ‘CE’ if you are ‘PC’.

Old Georgie must have got around quite a bit as he finished up being the patron saint of not only England, but also of Georgia, Egypt, Bulgaria, Aragon, Catalonia, Romania, Ethiopia, Greece, India, Iraq, Lithuania, Palestine, Portugal, Serbia, Ukraine and Russia, as well as the cities of Genoa, Amersfoort, Beirut, Fakiha, Bteghrine, Cáceres, Ferrara, Freiburg, Kumanovo, Ljubljana, Pomorie, Qormi, Rio de Janeiro, Lod, Lviv, Barcelona, Moscow, the Maltese island of Gozo and Gawd knows where else.

I must admit that I am a bit puzzled as to how he became ‘English’ as there was no such place as England back then, but then, and unlike in Westeros, there weren’t any …

…  bloody dragons either !

Posted in humour, religion | 3 Comments »

More hypocritical Harry !

Posted by Big John on April 5, 2019

Talk about … “You couldn’t make it up!” … for, it seems that, ‘The Ginger Whinger of Windsor’.. AKA .. HRH Prince Harry, fears that … “Growing up in today’s world, social media is more addictive than drugs and alcohol”.

‘Nothing wrong with that’ … I hear you say … ‘it’s probably true’ ! .. and, for once, I have to agree with HRH (His Royal Hairyness).

However, he just happened to say this around the same time that he and ‘Me-Me’-Meghan took a break from all those ‘touchy-feely’ photo-ops to launch …”sussexroyal” … on … ‘Instagram’ !

I guess that they must have recovered from their previous trauma caused by all that …

… “public and press intrusion” !  

Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »

Too much too soon !

Posted by Big John on February 27, 2019

According to press reports …”Primary school children from the age of five are to be taught about gay and transgender relationships as part of compulsory lessons,” .. and .. “children as young as four will be taught about relationships, staying safe online and the link between physical and mental health.”

Well, good luck with that ! ..

… I’ve been around for a very long time and I’m still confused, despite the fact that I had a bi-sexual aunt, a transvestite workmate, a rather ‘camp’ lesb .. thespian neighbour, a ‘flirty’ Flight Sergeant, and, long before homosexuality was made legal in the UK, I knew one or two of the ‘usual suspects’ when they ventured out of their ‘closets’. Blimey ! I even remember when the word ‘gay’ had a very different meaning.

Now, as I have previously stated … “I couldn’t care less if someone is gay, straight, bi-sexual and all the rest, so long as they do no harm to others and “don’t frighten the horses”.

However, I have to wonder how a teacher explains about ‘LGBTI’ and all that .. ‘gender fluidity’ .. ‘male/female binary’ ..’gender self-identification’ .. and the rest to young children who cannot possibly understand such a complicated subject; and, more importantly, at that tender age, …

… do they really need to know about it ? 

Posted in family, humour, nostalgia, rant | 4 Comments »