bigjohn

There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC.
    That’s ‘Before Computers’.

    Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as

    World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all… Archbishop Temple’s School.

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    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock ‘n’ Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during ‘The Cold War’…and then

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    I became ‘a family’. Which meant that I sort of missed the ‘swinging sixties’, but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.

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    During the ‘Thatcher Years’ I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 56 years of happy marriage.

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Archive for May, 2014

Don’t expect Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh.

Posted by Big John on May 28, 2014

An old English prayer goes something along these lines …

… “From the Fury of the Northmen deliver us, O Lord” …

… but having just watched the first two episodes of the ‘History Channel’ series ‘Vikings‘, I have to say that, with so little to watch on TV these days, I thank Odin for giving us this saga about a bunch of scruffy Scandinavian seafarers and smelly shieldmaidens.

It all looks authentic, with not a horned helmet in sight, just dodgy haircuts and lots of dirty bits. Yes, the characters certainly seem to live up to the description by an Arab emissary who met a group of Vikings, and described them as .. “The filthiest of Allah’s creatures: they do not wash after shitting or peeing, nor after sexual intercourse, and do not wash after eating.”

I do enjoy a good ‘historical’ drama, and, as not much is known about this period of history, there is not too much that can be criticised in this production, which is based on history and myth; and even in the ‘Anglo-Saxon Chronicle’ it reports that .. “the harrying of the heathen miserably destroyed God’s church in Lindisfarne by rapine and slaughter” .. so all that bloody slashing and hacking at those poor old monks was probably a realistic depiction of a raid by Ragnar and his filthy followers. No wonder the petrified priests and people of the time intoned that old prayer.

Oh! .. and before I forget. This show comes with a big bonus. For unlike so many TV dramas these days, you can hear every word the actors say and see all the action, even when it takes place …

… ‘in the dark’ !   

Posted in humour, religion | 2 Comments »

Melancholy Morons.

Posted by Big John on May 20, 2014

Every day I feel more out of touch with modern life, or perhaps I should say, out of touch with the behaviour of other people in this world of  ‘faux’ emotion, hysterical reaction and undignified and often aggressive behaviour in public.

At the risk of sounding a more grumpy old sod than usual, I must say that I am sick to death of turning on my TV only to be greeted with the sight of the weeping winners of cookery competitions, the crying losers of so-called talent shows, the non-stop screaming of the audiences, ‘celeb’ judges biting their trembling lips, big tough football (soccer) ‘heroes’ wiping away their tears, complete strangers hugging and kissing, and people applauding coffins at funerals. I have to wonder how long it will be before we see an undertaker ‘high-fiving’ a row of mourners ?

Now, there is nothing wrong in showing your true emotions or affection for others. I just think that very many people today can’t see that the ‘reality’ nonsense shown on TV is just that ! .. ‘nonsense’ ! .. and so they feel that they must publicly ‘fall apart’ at every opportunity; or, even worse, ‘worship’ at some roadside ‘grief-lite’ shrine to someone they never knew. Blimey ! .. Recently some nutters even called for the erection of a roadside memorial to a truck load of chickens killed in a traffic accident !

I must admit that I am not a ‘touchy-feely’ person and reserve my hugs and kisses for ‘my nearest and dearest’, for I am a ‘remnant’ of an age when a handshake was a normal greeting. It was also the way in which sportsmen and others congratulated each other; and wearing black and showing self-restraint was how one displayed respect for the dead.

I think that I had better stop now, and go for a lie down as I feel …

… a ‘stiff upper lip’ coming on !   …   😉

Posted in humour, nostalgia, rant | 4 Comments »

“Now, what did I want ?”

Posted by Big John on May 8, 2014

Can someone please explain why so many people visit their local supermarket without a shopping list ? Each time that I am in Sainsbury’s I hear some trolley (cart) pushing partner asking their companion … “Do we have any butter in the fridge ?” or … “Do we need more sugar ?” …

… and it’s not just old farts like me who are at it, for around the corner in almost every aisle is some young mum hanging on to a little brat with one hand, as she presses her smart phone to her ear with the other and enquires … “Should I get another pack of sausages?”…

…  or the lady in the booze section, with a voice trained to ‘frighten the horses’ who insists that everyone in the store should be aware that she is not sure if there is .. “any more of that delightful little Côtes du Rhône left in the cellar?”.

Yesterday, before I even got out of my car, I heard someone in the carpark asking … “Do we need any bread today?”

Blimey ! .. It’s not ‘rocket science’, all you need is a pencil and paper and a quick look in the freezer and kitchen cupboards before you leave home.

No wonder I see so many people ‘just popping in’ to the store to pick up ‘one or two items’. I suppose that they have to, otherwise at every mealtime you would hear … “Pass the …

… Oh! .. I forgot to get some.” 

Posted in humour, rant | 6 Comments »

Now she’s not “Just Wild About Harry” !

Posted by Big John on May 1, 2014

Oh Dear ! .. What a shame ! .. Poor old Harry ! .. Not only is he no longer the ‘ginger-spare’, now that Kate and Willy have ‘Gorgeous George’, their chubby little cherubic (pass the sick bag) son and heir, but his girlfriend, Cressy Bone-Arse, has given him the old ‘heave-ho !’.

I bet that Cressy’s mum, former 60’s ‘IT Girl’, nutty naughty Lady Mary-Gaye Curzon (four husbands and five kids), is right pissed off with her daughter for ditching ‘Hooray Harry’, as she was looking forward to Cressy’s half-sister, the ‘triple barrelled’ and ex-“main squeeze” of big brother Willy, Isabella Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe, doing a ‘Pippa‘ at the wedding.

I’m so upset, for like so many silly old sods loyal pensioners, I had already started saving to buy Harry and Cressy a wedding present, and was looking forward to visiting London to sit in the pissing rain for two days outside Buckingham Palace for a glimpse of the over-privileged pair happy couple.

Honestly, I’m so distressed by the news, I think that …

…  I may even need counselling !

Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »