“Old age ain't no place for sissies.” .. Bette Davis

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC.
    That’s ‘Before Computers’.

    Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as

    World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all… Archbishop Temple’s School.




    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock ‘n’ Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during ‘The Cold War’…and then




    I became ‘a family’. Which meant that I sort of missed the ‘swinging sixties’, but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.




    During the ‘Thatcher Years’ I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 56 years of happy marriage.

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Archive for December, 2013

No posies from the peasants !

Posted by Big John on December 30, 2013

As I remember, (and it is a very long time ago) when I was a small child, there was nothing more embarrassing than being pushed into the ‘limelight’ at some family gathering by some smelly old aunty (my parents never did this) to ‘perform’ in front of a not so smelly old grandma.

So can you imagine how those poor little buggers (well, most of them) feel who are thrust into the path of ‘er Maj’ by their mothers, to present her with a bunch of flowers whenever she passes a crowd of her grovelling ‘subjects’ on one of those let’s all worship ‘a royal’ days ?

What is it with these ‘pushy’ women ? I suppose that they hope that by positioning their little brat darling in front so many newspaper and TV cameras they may find photographs of themselves in the press the next day. I’ve even seen pictures of mothers pushing tiny toddlers towards those awful ‘grief-lite’ shrines which now seem to spring up at the site of every tragic death.

I hate to admit it, but I almost hummed our dirge of a National Anthem, when I read that our not so ‘Merry Monarch’ chose to ignore the crowds of monarchist maternal morons as her lunch (or perhaps a need for the royal loo?) took priority over the stupid serfs floral offerings.

One dopey parent who (wisely) asked not to be named, said: “We drove more than 50 miles with our five-year-old daughter so she could present a small bouquet to the Queen”.

Never mind luv. At least your kid was saved the embarrassment of you asking ‘er Maj for a …

… Christmas ‘selfie’ !


Posted in family, humour, nostalgia, rant | 3 Comments »

Not much chance of “Peace on Earth” either !

Posted by Big John on December 22, 2013

On Thursday I decided to brave the ‘child friendly’ policy at my local pub, as the neighbourhood’s school hool..  kids had not yet started their Christmas break, and take the old ‘trouble and strife’ to lunch (she had to remind me that we had first met on this day 54 years ago !).

Now, as this establishment had been advertising ‘Xmas Specials’ since bloody September, I was very surprised to find the place half empty, and with only a couple of little brats present.

On the day before, I found that my local Sainsbury’s supermarket, although busy, was far less crowded than was usual at this time of year, and I did have the pleasure of bagging a parking space immediately I arrived, which must have pissed off those who saw me do so, as they were on their tenth circuit of the car park. 🙂

If only the weather was as quiet. It’s blowing a gale and the rain is peeing down. Still, that’s better than being up to your arse in snow.

Once again, this year, I’m doing my ‘saintly act’, along with other family members, and giving the money I would have spent on presents to various charities, which means no visits to the shopping mall and no high street hassle. However, this also means that I am unable to judge if people in general are shying away from the modern Christmas ‘commercialism’ and abandoning what has become a festive orgy of materialism. Could this be ? … I wonder !

No bleedn’ chance, mate ! … I’ve just read that, in the UK, Christmas shoppers are expected to spend £45,000 every second and that 16,000 shops will be open on …

…  Christmas Day !

santa cart (2) copy


(That includes all you Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Pagans and Religious Nutters)


Posted in family, humour, rant, religion | 5 Comments »

What ! .. No Harry Potter ?

Posted by Big John on December 17, 2013

After the ‘over-the-top’ BBC and press coverage of the life and death of Nelson Mandela, one would have expected that he would have come top of the latest list of the most famous and influential people in the history of the world, as he was even compared to Jesus Christ: but old ‘Madiba’ only rated the number 356th place on the list headed by …

… Yes ! … That’s right …  Jesus Christ !

Now, please feel free to correct me, but to the best of my knowledge, there is no actual proof that Jesus ever existed, unlike other religious leaders such as No. 4 on the list .. Mohammad, No. 17 .. Martin Luther, No. 52  .. Buddha, and even No. 89 .. Ali, “the father of Sufism”, so should this mystery man of a ‘Messiah’ be on this list at all ?

Well, perhaps he could be squeezed in at the No. 85 spot with that other great ‘mythical’ character …

… King Arthur !  ..  😉

Posted in humour, rant, religion | 1 Comment »

“Laws are silent in times of war” … Cicero

Posted by Big John on December 9, 2013

The horror of war in Afghanistan has not changed since the 19th century when Rudyard Kipling wrote these words …

“When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.”

For some reason I was reminded of these words when reading about the Taliban fighter who was very near to death after being blasted by fire from an Apache helicopter, and was ‘helped on his way‘ by Royal Marine Sergeant Alex Blackman.

What this marine did was against the ‘rules of war’, but I am quite sure that these rules are broken on a fairly regular basis, and in the wicked waste of human lives that is the Afghan conflict no such ‘rules’ apply to the tactics of the Taliban.

Sergeant Blackman has been sentenced to a minimum of 10 years in prison, and obviously he should be made to suffer the consequences of his actions, but he is a highly regarded experienced fighting man, and if I was being held hostage in some Gawd-forsaken hole, the first face that I would hope to see come through the door, would be …

…   THIS ONE !

Posted in political, rant | 4 Comments »

Festive TV trash !

Posted by Big John on December 3, 2013

Once again it is time for my .. Bah, Humbug ! .. Christmas rant, and this year it concerns the deluge of seasonal sh.. offerings on the telly.

I’ve no objection to the children’s channels showing films about Santa and Rudolph, and I’ll even accept the occasional snowy ‘rom-com’ or Christmas ‘classic’, but this year it seems that almost every other channel is showing non-stop Christmas crap, and has been for the past month or so.

I scrolled down just one menu page of my TV planner which showed eight movie channels, six of which were showing films with a Christmas theme 24/7 !

One movie title caught my eye … “Annie Claus is Coming to Town” … A story about Santa’s daughter leaving the North Pole to visit California. Can you guess which channel is showing this film ? … Yes, that’s right …

… ‘True Movies’ !

Posted in humour, rant | 5 Comments »