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Lesus Christ ! .. What next ?

Posted by Big John on October 12, 2013

Remember my list of Vatican secrets ? .. Well, it would seem that I missed a document which showed the real name of the Messiah, and now some clumsy cardinal or other has revealed this name to the Italian State Mint and the name ‘Lesus’ now appears on some 6,000 Papal medals which were struck to commemorate the beginning of Pope Francis’s papacy.

What has not been revealed is that this document also shows that Lesus’s cousin was Ron the Baptist and his mum was the Virgin Cary.

Now if you read the Gospels you will find that old Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all got a bit confused when it came to the names of the twelve apostles and we all know that Peter was really called Simon (or was it the other way around ?),  John was named Boanērges, Thaddeus was Judas and ‘Lesus only’ knows what the rest were really called; so it’s more than likely that most of the names in the Bible are wrong.

What’s the betting that Lesus’s Hebrew hooker girlfriend was known by all his followers as …

… Hairy Magdalene ?   ..  😉


9 Responses to “Lesus Christ ! .. What next ?”

  1. What about the little known gospel According to Eric and/or The Very Useful Gospel According to Herbert – this latter one relates to he who is better known as Judas. The thing is Judas did not think that Herbert would stand the test of time for a bloke who is meant to be rotten to the core!

  2. Grannymar said

    You deserve a leather medal on a wooden chain for this one!

  3. Rummuser said

    You are likely to get hit with the equivalent of a fatwa my good friend. If you want a place to hide, my humble abode is available as long as you are willing to share an unrenovated bathroom where the shower still works.

  4. Big John said

    Thank you for the comment Mike. As a child I was always puzzled why Jesus called Judas .. “his carrot”. 😉

    Only if ‘er Maj presents it Grannymar. 🙂

    You’ll regret the offer Ramana when they come looking for some old bald geezer with a grey beard. 🙂

  5. Ginnie said

    How about …”Our father who art in heaven…HAROLD be thy name…?” I, too, will offer you and “she who must be obeyed, a refuge in North Carolina when (not if) you get drummed out of England.

  6. Big John said

    Thanks for the offer Ginnie, but I’m not too sure if some of your local Bible bashing preachers would welcome me. You know, the ones who are always preying to ‘Harold’ but seem to call him .. “Al Mighty” ! .. 🙂

  7. Rummuser said

    Yes, that worries me. They may just mistake me for you.

  8. If you’re considering hiding out in the U.S., you have only three possible safe havens–the East Coast, the West Coast, our home.

  9. Maria said

    I always liked the Hail Mary as a prayer. The idea of a fat Mary as in “Hail Mary full of geese,” filled me with interesting visions that kept me from being bored as a child as I said it over and over holding those darn Rosary beads.

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