bigjohn

There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC. That's 'Before Computers'. Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all... Archbishop Temple's School.

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    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock 'n' Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during 'The Cold War'...and then

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    I became 'a family'. Which meant that I sort of missed the 'swinging sixties', but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.

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    During the 'Thatcher Years' I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 54 years of happy marriage.
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Archive for October, 2013

Did she not notice the notice ?

Posted by Big John on October 27, 2013

Once again it is that time of year when I trot on down to the local health centre to join in the old fart’s parade at the annual flu jab ‘jamboree’.

OK, so it’s ‘free’ on the NHS to all old codgers like me, but it only costs nine quid (about $13.50) at Sainsbury’s pharmacy and I’m sure that there is far less hassle there.

Of course the idea is that when we old gits turn up at the clinic, the nurse giving us our ‘shots’ can check our medical records on their computer system to see that the condition of our health is being correctly monitored.

“I see that you have not had your blood pressure checked lately” says the nurse.

I explain that I check my own blood pressure every few days and send the readings to my GP every three months or so. She looks at me as if she has never heard of such a system, and then tells me that I have not had my six monthly blood tests since February. I explained that I had the last one in September. I suggest that something is wrong with the system. She ignores me and sticks the needle in my arm. I can’t be bothered to argue with her as it is obvious that she can’t wait to stab the next silly old sod who comes through the door, and so I leave the treatment room.

On the way out of the building I noticed a very large red illuminated sign. It flashed a message which read … “PLEASE BEAR WITH US AS WE HAVE RECENTLY INSTALLED …

… A NEW COMPUTER SYSTEM !

Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »

The latest from ‘Planet Dave’ !

Posted by Big John on October 21, 2013

After last week’s news that British Gas were increasing their prices yet again, our Dave came out with the following advice, when he said …  “There is something everyone can do, which is look to switch their electricity or gas bill from one supplier to another, we should all change to other energy providers”.

Notice the word “we” ! .. This is from someone who has probably never paid a gas or electricity bill in his life !

Reacting to today’s announcement that more energy suppliers are hiking up their prices, (what a surprise this must have been to him),  the Prime Minister’s official spokesman said  that “nobody wants to see higher bills” and that David Cameron “understands  the pressure that households are facing” and understands why consumers will  be “angry” about today’s increases. ..“He very much understands why households are angered about this.”

Oh, yeah ! .. Just as this Old Etonian, who has never had a ‘proper’ job in his life ‘understands’ what life is like at one of our ‘failing’ schools which produce “the least literate and numerate pupils in the industrialised world”, or what this ex-member of the ‘Bullingdon Club’ knows about serving on the front line in Afghanistan, or what this privileged political parasite of a Prime Minister and resident of 10 Downing Street, Chequers, not to mention, one or two ‘de reses’ of his own, knows about life on an inner city ‘sink’ estate (remember “hug a hoodie” ?).

How I would love to welcome him into …

… the ‘real world’ !

Posted in political, rant | 3 Comments »

Is that grilled or fried ?

Posted by Big John on October 15, 2013

I’ve ranted in the past about those press reports which tell us which everyday foods are supposed to be harmful to our health, and today I’ve just read that .. “a rasher of bacon a day can harm a man’s fertility” !

OK, so there is nothing funny about something which may reduce the chances of a man becoming a father, but what I do find more than a little amusing in this report from Harvard University is that the researchers say that the same results from eating a rasher of bacon could be caused by …

… “a small sausage” !  ..   😦

Posted in humour | 4 Comments »

Lesus Christ ! .. What next ?

Posted by Big John on October 12, 2013

Remember my list of Vatican secrets ? .. Well, it would seem that I missed a document which showed the real name of the Messiah, and now some clumsy cardinal or other has revealed this name to the Italian State Mint and the name ‘Lesus’ now appears on some 6,000 Papal medals which were struck to commemorate the beginning of Pope Francis’s papacy.

What has not been revealed is that this document also shows that Lesus’s cousin was Ron the Baptist and his mum was the Virgin Cary.

Now if you read the Gospels you will find that old Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all got a bit confused when it came to the names of the twelve apostles and we all know that Peter was really called Simon (or was it the other way around ?),  John was named Boanērges, Thaddeus was Judas and ‘Lesus only’ knows what the rest were really called; so it’s more than likely that most of the names in the Bible are wrong.

What’s the betting that Lesus’s Hebrew hooker girlfriend was known by all his followers as …

… Hairy Magdalene ?   ..  😉

Posted in humour, religion | 9 Comments »

“Another ‘DAY’, another dollar” !

Posted by Big John on October 5, 2013

I have just received an email from a florist reminding me that Sunday is ‘Grandparents’ Day’.

This is a ‘new one’ on me ! … and, so wearing my grumpy old git’s hat I can only guess that it is yet another ‘import’ from that great con the consumer market across the Atlantic Ocean.

We will soon have ‘Trick or Treat’, the US version of Halloween, thrust upon us. My local branch of Sainsbury’s is already stacked out with pumpkins  !

Mothers’ Day, once Mothering Sunday. Valentine’s Day, once The Feast of Saint Valentine. Fathers’ Day, described as .. “a second Christmas for all the men’s gift-oriented industries.” are, like the modern wedding ‘industry’, far removed from the simple traditions of my young days.

Now, I’m sorry to say that many of our ‘traditions’ have been hijacked by greedy commercial organisations who ‘cash in’ on people’s sentimentality.

I wonder what will ‘cross the pond’ next ? … Well with all the nutters we now have wandering around, probably (and I’m not making this up) …

… National Fruitcake Day !

Posted in humour, rant | 5 Comments »