“Old age ain't no place for sissies.” .. Bette Davis

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC.
    That’s ‘Before Computers’.

    Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as

    World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all… Archbishop Temple’s School.




    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock ‘n’ Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during ‘The Cold War’…and then




    I became ‘a family’. Which meant that I sort of missed the ‘swinging sixties’, but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.




    During the ‘Thatcher Years’ I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 58 years of happy marriage.

  • May 2013
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Archive for May, 2013

“Where No Man Has Gone Before” ?

Posted by Big John on May 31, 2013

I’m afraid that the media’s coverage of recent events has not inspired me to post during the past few days, for it’s been nothing but bloody murders, fanatical religious nutters, terrible natural disasters and the usual ‘celeb’ crap.

That is until today when this little ‘gem’ caught my eye and brought a flicker of a smile to this grumpy old git’s lips.

So, my last .. “What ! No Trekkies ?” .. post has a ‘follow-up’, or should that be (Sorry, but I can’t resist it) a …

… “beam me up” ?


Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »

What ! No Trekkies ?

Posted by Big John on May 16, 2013

Why am I not surprised to read that the most popular choice of ‘Other Religion’ in the 2011 UK census was “Jedi Knight” ?

I know that the USA has more than it’s fair share of religious nutters, but, if the figures in the census are to be believed, so do we, for it would seem that there are more than 175,000 ‘Jedi’ loonies in this country, together with 56,620 potty Pagans .. 2,418 sinister Scientologists ..  1,893 silly Satanists .. 11,766 wacky followers of Wicca, and 4,189 dopey Druids.

Now, it would seem, that some MPs are trying to amend the controversial same sex marriage bill to allow ‘humanist’  weddings. If this bill becomes law, then it will be possible for other sects, such as those mentioned above, to go to court to claim the same right; and quite rightly so, for why should one load of old marriage ‘mumbo-jumbo’ be treated any differently from any other ? I can see no harm in this, as long as they are dignified affairs, and don’t involve human sacrifice, chickens’ blood, and bare arsed priests; although a few naked maidens dancing around an alter will be acceptable.

Perhaps it won’t be long before we see ‘inter-faith’ marriages, say between Jedis and Scientologists. If you imagined that a Jew marrying a Catholic could cause problems, can you imagine the punch-up at the wedding reception when the bride’s Jedi father sets about the bridegroom’s mother with his lightsabre because Yoda told him that she is a Thetan from the “Galactic Confederacy”.

Finding somewhere to honeymoon would be difficult, as all such newlywed weirdos already …

… “live on another planet” !

Posted in humour, religion | 3 Comments »

Maroon the Moaners !

Posted by Big John on May 9, 2013

I know that I  sometimes often appear to be a miserable old git with my rants about all the things that piss me off, and they are many, but I don’t feel that I fall into the category of a ‘moaner’ .. i.e .. “a person given to excessive complaints“, unlike many of my fellow citizens who seem to find fault and grumble at even the slightest error or inconvenience.

I was reminded of how many whinging ‘Brits’ there are out there when I checked some on-line passenger reviews prior to booking a Mediterranean cruise, and could hardly believe that some people had to endure the horrors of … “plates at buffet not warm enough” .. “wine glasses too small” .. and ..  “bowl at breakfast was not large enough for my Weetabix”. It reminded me of the time on a previous cruise when the old bag lady sitting next to me at breakfast ordered a poached egg and complained when a plate was placed before her with two eggs on it. She insisted that the waiter take it away and bring her a plate with just a single egg on it !

A recent report showed that cruise passengers complained about .. “the sea being too loud” .. “not having a window in an inside cabin” .. “the boat not waiting for them to finish their sight-seeing” .. and .. “no celebrities on board” a cruise run by a company named ‘Celebrity Cruises’ !

OK, so I know that ‘moaning’ is not the same as complaining, and the thing is that we can all moan as much as we like, but unless we take action to put right those things which we moan about, then grumbling is pointless and a waste of time. Unfortunately, and strange as it may seem, some people find that moaning makes them happy ! .. and if this is so, I think the cruise companies are missing out by not advertising the fact that life on board can be one long whinge. They could borrow from the great Yiddish language and call them …

… “Kvetch Kruises” !

Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »