“Old age ain't no place for sissies.” .. Bette Davis

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC.
    That’s ‘Before Computers’.

    Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as

    World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all… Archbishop Temple’s School.




    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock ‘n’ Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during ‘The Cold War’…and then




    I became ‘a family’. Which meant that I sort of missed the ‘swinging sixties’, but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.




    During the ‘Thatcher Years’ I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 56 years of happy marriage.

  • August 2012
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Archive for August, 2012

“The unkindest cut of all” !

Posted by Big John on August 29, 2012

Today I have to touch on the delicate, if not painful, subject of circumcision which has been in the news lately after Jewish and Muslim leaders in Germany protested about a regional court ruling in June that said circumcision amounts to “bodily harm”.

Well the only time that I came close to witnessing this operation was, when in Turkey back in the 80’s, I watched two young boys, dressed in robes and crowns, riding horses through the streets of a small town …

I wonder what that is all about ? .. I thought. A little later in the day I found out when the same two boys reappeared, but this time they were riding in the small carriage, to be seen in the above picture, driven by the man in the white hat; and they appeared to be in a state of shock ! In fact I was almost in a state of shock myself when someone explained to me what they had just been through, and that there was no way that they could now ride a horse.

Now I’m going to cut this short (Ouch !) and not get into the subject of the practice of mutilating one’s naughty bits whether it be for religious or hygenic reasons, but I do believe that if it’s not for ‘medical’ reasons then you should be a ‘consenting adult’ before it happens.

On a lighter note …

A Jewish man is looking for the address of the local mohel, which turns out to be a clock repairer’s shop …

“I’m told that you are a mohel” .. he says to the old man behind the counter.

“Yes, that’s right” .. says the old man.

“Then why do you have clocks and watches in your window ?” .. asks the man.

“So, tell me” .. replies the mohel with a shrug of his shoulders … 

 … “What would you have me put in my window ?”  🙂


Posted in humour, political | 4 Comments »

Who’s been a naughty boy then ?

Posted by Big John on August 24, 2012

Yes ! .. I know … It’s all over the internet, the TV and the newspapers, so I hope that you will forgive me, but I just can’t resist joining in the fun.

Just when the PR toadies at the Palace thought that they had created a new image for the ‘ginger spare’ as a daring army officer Apache helicopter pilot, ‘er Maj’s representative at the Olympics, charity fund raiser and all round ‘Mr. Nice Guy’, he goes and ‘gets caught with his trousers down’, quite literally ! … Well off actually !

Oh dear ! .. Poor old ‘Hooray Harry’ .. Fancy having your ‘crown jewels’ displayed all over the internet. I almost feel sorry for the pampered prick playboy prince (That’ll be the day) !

The only thing to say in his favour is that he is not married, so he is free to cavort ‘bonk’ any consenting female he likes, unlike his mother and father (including the ginger one) who ‘carried on’ regardless of their marriage vows.

What amazes me is that people still seemed surprised by his antics, for this sort of behaviour is nothing new amongst the so called ‘royals’. Remember Edward VIII and Mrs. Simpson and ‘Bertie’ (EdwardVII), his ‘love seat’ and string of mistresses. Even old Queen Victoria had her ‘highland fling’ !  The difference is that now we have smartphones and the internet, so all can be revealed (sorry !).

Harry’s security team are coming in for a ‘bit of stick’, with questions being asked like .. “Where did they conceal their guns ?” .. I dread to think ! .. but I bet that their handcuffs came in handy after the “strip pool” competition finished.

It is rumoured that more photos are to follow. I can hardly wait. Perhaps his big brother was present in Las Vegas, and if so …

… Will they show Prince Willy’s ‘willy’ ?

Posted in humour | 8 Comments »

Hardly a “Dream Team” !

Posted by Big John on August 18, 2012

Now I don’t pretend to know too much about US politics, and I do get a bit confused when it comes to the process of selecting those who will represent their parties in the Presidential election, but I do know that it seems to take forever; so you would expect the American people to come up with some truly outstanding candidates with all the qualities which great statesmen require to lead that great country.

So how come the Republicans find themselves with Mitt Romney running for the job of the most powerful man in the world ? It seems pretty obvious from his recent undiplomatic behaviour and never ending gaffes that ‘Mitt the Twit’ is just about the worst candidate for high office since Sarah Palin, and she was only after the number two spot !

Mitt’s new running mate for that ‘number two spot’ is Paul D. Ryan of Wisconsin who at times seems to upstage his possible future boss. Even poor old Mitt got confused and introduced Ryan as the “future President” !

Apparently Paulie, who has been described as “cute but cruel” (better than dumb and dull), is a fan of deer hunting with bow and arrow (Ah! the Robin Hood image), ‘catfish noodling’ (sounds like a pervert) and ‘heavy metal’ (“If you believe that …” ?), but as far as I know he doesn’t claim, like some American politicians, that God speaks to him, which may be a disadvantage to him in the land where religious nutters abound.

I won’t bore you with my lack of knowledge about this pairs’ policies on healthcare, immigration, gay rights etc. so I’ll restrict myself to the question … Will Mitt and Paul win in November ?

Well I doubt it, but it’s hard to predict what American voters will do, and what does an old git Brit like me know about electing a President ?

Well I know one thing which I still find hard to believe about those same voters …

… They elected George W. Bush … TWICE ! 

Posted in humour, political, rant | 5 Comments »

Love it or loathe it kids … It’s soon to be compulsory !

Posted by Big John on August 14, 2012

Because the UK won loads of medals in the Olympic Games, our Dave has decided that all primary school children in England will have to play competitive sports in future. His mate Mayor Boris and all those who will most certainly make a few bob out of it also think this is a fantastic idea, but did anyone ask the children what they think ?

My own memory of competative sport was one of the ‘cinder’ (not grass) football (soccer) pitch in Brockwell Park on a freezing cold winter’s day. I was probably about eight or nine years old. I was wearing tough leather studded ankle boots and thick woollen socks with folded comic books tucked inside them in the hope of protecting my young shins. My ‘uniform’ consisted of a pair of long baggy navy blue shorts and a long sleeved shirt fastened at the neck by a shoe lace.

My position on the field of play was right back, although ‘right back’ behind the goal posts would have suited me better, as that was the only place to be if you were to avoid being hit in the face by a very hard leather ball, being kicked in the goolies or having your knees grazed by falling on the cinders. As you will have guessed I hated every minute of it and spent most of the game trying to stay as far away from the ball as possible.

Bonkers ‘BoJo’ may have happily spent two hours a day on the playing fields of Eton, so it may come as a shock to him and his Old Etonian ‘toff’ pals when he learns that some youngsters are not too keen on being chased around a muddy field by …

… some demented whistle blowing bully in a tracksuit.

Posted in humour, nostalgia, rant | 5 Comments »

I wonder who “finalled” today ?

Posted by Big John on August 9, 2012

The TV was on, but I wasn’t really paying much attention, when I heard the newsreader say something about Britain “meddling”.

Here we go again, I thought, poking our noses into some other country’s business. Who have we upset this time, probably Syria or Iran, although these days it could be almost any nation in the world.

Then I heard the word “podiuming” and realized that I was listening to some form of ‘Olympic-Speak’ where the nouns ‘medal’ and ‘podium’ had been turned into verbs, and that a competitor in the ‘Games’ was not just being presented with a medal as he was standing on the podium. He was .. “MEDALLING” .. whilst .. “PODIUMING” !

I’m not sure if this latest ‘verbing’ can be blamed on our American cousins who love to ‘party’, as I have just read that Lord Byron wrote in a letter of 1822 … “He was medalled” and that Thackeray used it in 1860 in his Roundabout Papers .. “Irving went home medalled by the King”,  but then I don’t suppose that cringe making commentators like babbling Matt and gormless Gary will have picked it up from 19th century literature, so it probably started with some bloke in a pub, after he had spent the day watching sports TV while he was …

…   ‘PINTING’ !

Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »

Another medal … Pass the Kleenex !

Posted by Big John on August 6, 2012

In a recent post I said that I would “go bloody beserk” if I heard another person say .. “It’s a once in a lifetime experience” !

Now all we hear is … “I can’t believe it” .. coming from a bunch of top athletes who have spent most of their lives doing nothing but train to be where they are today. Well ‘I can’t believe’ that these so called ‘heroes’ can have expected anything other than to have an Olympic ‘gong’ hung around their necks. So why all those tears ? .. Blimey ! .. even the TV interviewers have been crying and going all ‘touchy-feely’ in what has been called ..  “a highly-charged emotional roller coaster”. In other words … a load of old bollocks about big brawny blokes ‘blubbing’. 

I have never been able to undertand why so many people get excited about one sweaty person running a bit faster than another sweaty person, but from what little I have seen of the spectators at this year’s ‘Games’ the fans are not just getting excited they are going into a state screaming, caterwauling hysteria every time a member of ‘Team GB’ (I wonder how much someone got paid for thinking up that ‘brand’?) does anything. The TV coverage doesn’t show much of how they react when some other nation’s athlete wins a medal. They probably all breakdown, burst into tears and have to be treated for shock.

I know that the British ‘stiff upper lip’ was replaced long ago by the quivering lower one, but the cheers and applause of the crowds and the simple handshakes of the ‘amateur’ competitors in the ‘old days’ seem far more in keeping with the ‘Olympic Spirit’ than all this weeping and ‘high five’ leaping of the ‘professionals’ to be seen on our screens today.

The founder of the modern Olympics, Baron de Coubertin said …  “The important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part. Just as in life, the aim is not to conquer but to struggle well.” … He didn’t add 

… “and always keep your hanky handy”.

Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »