“Old age ain't no place for sissies.” .. Bette Davis

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC.
    That’s ‘Before Computers’.

    Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as

    World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all… Archbishop Temple’s School.




    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock ‘n’ Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during ‘The Cold War’…and then




    I became ‘a family’. Which meant that I sort of missed the ‘swinging sixties’, but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.




    During the ‘Thatcher Years’ I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 56 years of happy marriage.

  • February 2012
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Archive for February, 2012

“Whisky Mist” Warriors.

Posted by Big John on February 27, 2012

Admiral Sir John Woodward, who commanded the task force during the Falklands War, recently criticised the deployment of Prince Willy to the Islands as “pointless” and said that he would be a “bloody nuisance” to military personnel working there.

To have a Royal anywhere near the front line is a bloody nuisance for the rest of the front line,” he said. “You have to take extra precautions that he doesn’t get shot down, that his plane doesn’t fail. You maintain it three times as carefully. If you have a Royal on board your ship it is the end of your career if he gets so much as a scratch. It’s never said, but it goes without saying“. I bet it does !

Now, it would seem, that the old admiral was dead right as we learn that this ‘royal’ helicopter co-pilot is being protected by a “ring of steel” consisting of special forces personnel from the SAS and SBS, so I have to wonder  … What bloody idiot sent him there in the first place ? … Probably the same bloody idiot who sent his half brother to the USA to piss about training as a “Top Gun” on an Apache helicopter !

I suppose that these are just the ‘Buck House’ PR toadies’ latest stunts to make these two ‘Hoorah Henrys’ look like ‘Hooray Heroes’. I bet that their grandma has already ordered a flunky …

… to polish the medals.


Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »

Fathered by the Führer ?

Posted by Big John on February 24, 2012

A popular song mocking the Nazi leaders during World War II went something like this …

“Hitler, has only got one ball,
Goering, has two but very small,
Himmler has something simmler,
but poor old Goebbels has no balls at all”.

Well, if it was true what they sang about old Adolf, he seems to have put that one testicle to good use by fathering a child with a teenage mademoiselle when serving in the German army during World War I.

It would seem that the future leader of the Third Reich met this young woman when she was cutting hay, and they later “made hay” together, which resulted in baby Jean-Marie.

There seems to be some evidence to support this story, and photographs show a strong family resemblance, but I’m not so sure. In fact, I’ll go along with the subject of the song and say that it’s probably …

… a load of old ‘cobblers’ !

Posted in humour | 2 Comments »

My unlucky uncle.

Posted by Big John on February 21, 2012

I know that this is not a very good photograph, but it was taken more than a hundred years ago and, like so many, it ended up stored away and forgotten until I happened upon it when going through some old family papers.

The picture shows my father’s eldest brother. He was a couple of years older than my dad and was born at the very end of the 19th century which meant that he was conscripted for military service towards the end of World War I. My dad was lucky as that war ended just as he received his call-up papers and he never had to report for duty.

My uncle was not so lucky, for although the war with Germany ended in 1918, he was sent to Russia as a member of a multi-national military force sent to back the Tsarist forces fighting the revolutionary Red Army.

I have tried to trace his military history, and have found only one soldier with his name. He was a private in a battalion which is recorded as being sent to Archangel in 1918, and a War Office medal record card in his name shows that he was awarded the British War Medal and Victory Medal.

I have no idea what happened to my uncle during his service in Russia, but my father told me that his brother returned to England, after going ‘missing’ for some time, bringing with him a suitcase full of Tsarist bank notes which, of course, were of no value by that time.

I often wonder what happened to that young man when he went ‘missing’ in the Russian snow, and how did he come by all that money ? .. Did he meet up with some Bolshevik ‘friends’ ? .. After all, as a poor lad who, like my dad, had slept “five in a bed” in a rat infested ‘Victorian’ slum, he had far more in common with the Russian proletariat, than with the people who had sent him there in the name of some bloody king and in support of a despot Tsar: and if he did, perhaps his new ‘comrades’ helped him ‘liberate’ all those paper roubles from some Romanov aristocrat, or perhaps he just found the case in a ditch ? Alas, we can only speculate.

My dad had nine brothers and sisters, and I knew most of them, but as far as I can recall I never met this uncle; which is a pity, for I bet  …

… he had a great tale to tell.

Posted in family, humour, nostalgia | 6 Comments »

“Three of a kind” ?

Posted by Big John on February 17, 2012

I may have got this wrong, so please feel free to correct me, but isn’t President Karzi of Afghanistan supposed to be a ‘good guy’ who is supported by the US, Britain and other NATO countries with financial aid (OK, I know about his Swiss bank accounts) and military forces to keep him in power and ensure that the Taliban don’t take over his country ? … and …

Isn’t President Ahmadinejad of Iran supposed to be a ‘bad guy’ and complete looney who supports terrorists and who is intent on building nuclear weapons to blow Israel (and probably us) off the face of the earth ? … and …

Isn’t President Asif Ali Zardari of Pakistan sometimes a ‘good guy’ and sometimes a ‘bad guy’ depending on if he is seeking cash from the USA or allowing two-way traffic of insurgants across his border with Afghanistan ?

So ! … What the bloody hell was really going on behind the scenes when these three devious buggers got together recently ?

Well whatever it was …  It’s highly likely that the true ‘good guys’ are going …

… to get screwed !

Posted in humour, political, rant | 5 Comments »

“And ze winner is …”

Posted by Big John on February 14, 2012

I’ve not seen the movie, so perhaps I am missing something, but I have seen lots of clips of what appears to be fairly amusing re-creation of a 1920’s silent film. It’s got a couple of reasonably talented actors and a cute little dog, but I just can’t see what all the fuss is about. Blimey ! .. It’s won just about every award going at the moment, including a fistful of ‘Baftas’ !

So how will this black-and-white silent movie go down in Hollywood, and will ‘The Artist’ sweep the boards on ‘Oscars’ night ?

To be honest, just like Clark Gable in “Gone with the Wind”, .. I don’t give a damn ! .. but it does seem strange that some pretty impressive films and some popular actors are getting ‘stuffed’ by a low budget, off beat movie.

I’ve seen this film described as “a global phenomenon”, and as the “finest film released in 2011”. Umm! I wonder if those who get to vote in ‘Tinsel Town’ will see it that way, when .. Sacré Blue ! .. It was made by doz “cheese eating surrender monkies” ? 

Well perhaps they will, but I suspect that it won’t be long before some pissed off nominee refers to clever little Uggy as …

… a little ‘fils d’une chienne’ !

Posted in humour | 2 Comments »

Still going strong (well almost).

Posted by Big John on February 10, 2012

Tomorrow is my 73rd birthday. Yes, I’m ahead of my allotted “three score years and ten”, but according to these “ever longer lives” statistics I should have snuffed it 12 years ago, as I was born in 1939.

To celebrate beating the odds and surviving all these years I have decided to brave the freezing weather and head for the pub for a pint or two and a pre-birthday lunch. Tomorrow, if the delivery man can avoid the ice and snow, I will be enjoying a Chinese feast and a couple of bottles of bubbly, and Sunday (weather permitting) will see me at my daughter’s home for a traditional roast lunch, and as for Monday ? … Well …

… I’ll probably feel like shit.    🙂

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

Now the school run is a ‘human right’ !

Posted by Big John on February 7, 2012

If ever you wanted an example of ‘bonkers’ Britain, here it is !

Yes, a man who would happily blow us all to bits, is being allowed to walk our streets by some idiot of a British judge, who is the president of the UK’s Special Immigration Appeals Commission and has ruled that the Islamist cleric should be freed within days, on strict bail conditions, because his deportation to Jordan had been blocked by the European Court of Human Rights.

Just what do you have to do to get deported from this country ? .. OK .. I know that many of our unwanted ‘guests’ do a runner before they can be sent back to their homelands, and that foreign offenders are winning more than 60% of ‘human rights’ appeals to stay under “the right to a family life”. Blimey ! .. Recently, it was claimed, that one bloke was allowed to stay here because he had a cat, but should we really allow Al-Qaeda’s number one fanatic in Europe out of prison because he needs to walk his daughter to school ?

Walk ! .. Did I say walk ? .. Abu Qatada, who’s wife and family live for free in a large house in London, has already cost taxpayers bloody ‘millions’ in benefits and legal fees, so I’m sure he will be entitled to claim …

… for taxi fare !

Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »

Undeserved accolades.

Posted by Big John on February 3, 2012

So poor old “Fred the Shred” has lost his knighthood and has now gone back to being just plain ‘Mister’ Goodwin. Mind you, if I was getting £342,500 per year pension and had a few million tucked away, it wouldn’t bother me what I was called. Mister would be fine, and I’d happily answer to “Oi ! .. You !”.

Some say that stripping  the former chief executive of the Royal Bank of Scotland, of his knighthood is a nasty and vindictive political gesture, and that the whiff of hypocrisy hangs heavy in the air, and I must say that it’s strange that, although he commited no crime, he has been ‘punished’ in this way, when so many of his City fat cat mates seem to have avoided any penalty (apart from the odd loss of a bonus) for their part in the worst economic catastrophe since the 1930s.

I’m not too worried if this chancer is being made a scapegoat for the failings of the many. In fact, I couldn’t give a shit if ‘er Maj had him banged up in The Tower for ‘bunging’ Tony Blair to recommend him for a ‘K’ in the first place.

Only a handful of people have ever been stripped of their knighthoods, which makes me think that it’s time for a ‘clean out’ of all those undeserving ‘plebs’ who have been awarded this ridiculous ‘honour’ in recent years.

The world of so called entertainment would be a good place to start. So let’s scrap all those ‘gongs’ awarded to ‘rug’ wearing old pop singers, ancient ‘hoofers’ and wrinkled ‘luvvies’ of stage and screen who live abroad to avoid paying their taxes, or pompously insist on being addressed as “Sir” whenever they appear on TV chat shows: and while we are at it, let’s remove the insignia from those gum chewing morons who fall into the category of “sporting heroes”.

When a movie poster contained the billing .. “Sir Ben Kingsley”, fellow film actor (Sir) Roger Moore said .. “It’s a load of pretentious bollocks.” …

…  I couldn’t have put it better myself.

Posted in humour, political, rant | 3 Comments »