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Roll on September.

Posted by Big John on July 28, 2011

Oh. what joy ! I have just been to Sainsbury’s to do the ‘weekly shop’, only to discover that the school summer holidays have started, and that the place was full of mothers accompanied by their little angels.

So not only did I have to avoid all the usual trolley (cart) zombies blocking the aisles and clogging up the checkouts, but I also had to watch out for the football (soccer) game in the bakery section, the tantrums amongst the fruit and veg, and young ‘Johnny Depp’ slashing at everything in sight with his plastic cutlass. Oh! and I almost forgot, the kid trying to decapitate his little sister with the glass door of a freezer cabinet as she was reaching for the ‘Nobbly Bobblys’.

Now it may be my imagination, but all these young mums seem to have at least three kids in tow, or more likely not in tow, judging by the shouts of .. “Go and find your brother” .. “Put that back on the shelf !” .. “Come back here, or you won’t get a Happy Meal”; but I have to say that I was impressed by many of these women’s ability to shepherd their brood around the store and load their trolleys with one hand, whilst clamping a mobile phone to their ear with the other.

I noticed that the in-store cleaner was much in demand with calls to .. “a spillage in aisle number seven” .. and “Danger ! .. Wet Floor !” signs were much in evidence where someone’s screaming little darling had either “done a tinkle” or dropped their super sized ‘Slush Puppie’.

I suppose that I should have been warned before entering the supermarket by the giant ‘Yogi Bear’ display at the entrance and the number of cars parked in the ‘mother and child only’ bays. Not to mention the ‘shell shocked’ old biddies who were leaving the store muttering things like … “In my young days” .. and .. “clip round the ear”.

Now I never did understand why healthy young women and children needed to park close to the store entrance, so I would suggest that, at this time of year, supermarkets suspend those ‘mother and child only’ parking bays and in their place erect large barbed-wire cages where parents can deposit their ‘hyperactive’ rampaging offspring, but I suppose that the problem would be that many of them would still be behind the wire …

…     when the store closed.     🙂


8 Responses to “Roll on September.”

  1. Ginnie said

    Too funny, John … and what on earth is a “Nobbly Bobbly” ?

  2. Dick Klade said

    About 425 words of pure entertainment! Wonderful post.

  3. Grannymar said

    A man after my own heart! Our schools in Northern Ireland finished at the end of June for nine whole weeks! I have been known to announce out loud that this is not a playground and if you knock me over and break my hip, I will sue your mother! It works!

  4. Big John said

    Here you go Ginnie ….

  5. Rummuser said

    What adventures you have! I would have collapsed.

  6. Ginnie said

    Thanks for the info, John. I could live a whole lifetime without ever wanting a:

    “Strawberry flavoured ice cream and chocolate ice cream centre with chocolate flavour coating (18%) with coloured sugar balls (17%).”

    but at least now I know what it’s called. !!

  7. I have the solution for you: start shopping in the Food Hall in Harrod’s instead of at Sainsbury’s. All those lovely people who shop there with well lined purses are so much better behaved than the penny-watchers who course the isles at Sainsbury’s, among whom I count my hapless self.

    Of course, you will have to pay a little extra for your caviar and pâté de foie gras but it will be worth it for the peace of mind that comes from not having to rub shoulders with the lower classes who are so indigent that they cannot afford to employ a nanny to look after their children while they are out shopping. It really is too bad.

  8. Big John said

    I was going to try Fortnum and Mason, ‘Tiger’, but I found out that they don’t take ‘Nectar’ cards. 😉

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