“Old age ain't no place for sissies.” .. Bette Davis

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC.
    That’s ‘Before Computers’.

    Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as

    World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all… Archbishop Temple’s School.




    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock ‘n’ Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during ‘The Cold War’…and then




    I became ‘a family’. Which meant that I sort of missed the ‘swinging sixties’, but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.




    During the ‘Thatcher Years’ I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 58 years of happy marriage.

  • March 2011
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Archive for March, 2011

Here we go again ! – Part 2

Posted by Big John on March 30, 2011

It seems that the coalition’s air power in Libya is shooting the shit out of Gaddafi’s ground forces, judging by all those pictures on the TV news of burning tanks; but it all makes me feel sorry for those bloody unfortunate conscripts who crew them. I just hope that the poor sods managed to get out and run like hell away from all that death and destruction.

Meanwhile their ragtag rebel cousins are complaining about running out of ammunition, and Cameron and Co. are now talking about arming them. Perhaps it would be better if someone told this bunch of show-offs that they could save ammo if they stopped shouting “Allahu Akbar” and firing their AK47’s into the air.

Now it looks like members of ‘al-Qaeda’ or ‘Hizbollah’ may well be among the ranks of the rebels (you can bet your life they are), so what a bright idea to hand over a load of weapons to such a disorganized mob !

… You know it makes sense !


Posted in political, rant | 2 Comments »

Census cock-up !

Posted by Big John on March 28, 2011

Being the good citizen that I am I have completed my census return, and surprisingly it was not as complicated as I thought it would be, so I don’t expect a visit from the “census police” anytime soon.

I took the completed form in it’s envelope along to the small postbox on the corner of my street, only to find that it was too large to fit through the slot. It’s quite a thick document (32 pages) so bending it didn’t help.

I had to visit my local post office to post a packet, so I took the census form along with me, only to find that a notice had been taped to the large postbox outside the building requesting that these official documents be handed to members of staff inside, so presumably they don’t fit into that box either.

Considering that hundreds of millions have been spent on this exercise, wouldn’t you think that someone amongst the Office for National Statistics’ army of bureaucratic prats would have noticed the problem ?

Oh! .. and by the way .. thousands of householders were unable to complete the census on line (as we had been urged to do) because the new website logged them off before they had finished answering all the questions.

… Un -BLOODY – believable !

Posted in humour, political, rant | 5 Comments »

Bourgeoisie Britain.

Posted by Big John on March 26, 2011

I see that the majority of people in the UK now consider themselves to be “middle class”, so I suppose that, as I always had a ‘white collar’ job I will have to join them, although I have always considered myself to be “working class”, as I have, like my parents, always ‘worked’ for a living.

Most people today will tell you that the old British class system is long gone. I don’t believe them. Just take a look in the gentlemen’s clubs of St. James’, the playing fields of Eton and now ‘Mahiki’ and the other haunts of the ‘Sloane Rangers’.

So if the new ‘middle class’ has replaced the old ‘working class’ what has taken it’s place ?

Well, I’m sad to say that it is the “under class”. In other words those who don’t ‘work’ for a living and live off state benefits.

Now I know that many of these people are deserving cases, and would much prefer to join the ranks of the employed and provide for themselves and their families, but there are a bloody lot more who much prefer to sit on their arses all day and ‘play the system’ for all they can get. They have never worked and have no intention of ever doing so. I prefer to call this bunch … the ‘scum scrounger class’.

So we now have four classes … ‘Upper’ … ‘Middle’ … ‘Under’ .. and ..  ‘Scrounger’ ..  or do we ?

What about the .. ‘Celeb class’ ? .. You must know them, the newspapers are full of them.  They even have whole glossy magazines devoted to them, and TV shows built around them. There are brain dead bimbos .. sporting heroes neanderthals .. airhead wanabees .. and those who are famous just for being famous. So called ‘reality TV’ is overflowing with them. They are easy to spot by their fake tans, their ‘bling’, their wigs, their ridiculous shoes, their tattoos, their inability to speak the ‘Queen’s English’, and the fact that none of them has a proper job. Ummm …

OK ! … So I’ll settle for four classes.

Posted in humour, political, rant | 3 Comments »

John Wayne has a lot to answer for.

Posted by Big John on March 23, 2011

Let’s be clear about it, we owe a great deal to the American Military, for if it wasn’t for all those “over paid, over sexed and over here” GIs in World War II most of Europe would be speaking German now.

However, one thing has always worried me about our American cousins when they go to war, and that’s their … “Gung Ho!” … “Kick Arse” … “Trigger Happy” …  attitude, for this often leads to the deaths of innocent civilians and in some cases the deaths of their own men and other allied soldiers in so called ‘friendly fire’ incidents.

In today’s newspapers there are two stories which illustrate this point. One is the horrific story of the “kill team” who murdered Afghan civilians and posed for pictures with their dead bodies, and the other is of the would be civilian rescuers of the crew of the downed US plane in Libya who were fired on or bombed by an American rescue team.

Terrible things happen in war, but we should be able to avoid happenings such as My Lai and Abu Ghraib, and it’s so easy to put all the blame on to the young troops on the ground, so perhaps it’s time that American generals started telling their men that a war zone is no place

…       for ‘high fives’.

Posted in political | 7 Comments »

One’s not made in China.

Posted by Big John on March 21, 2011

I see that Nutty Prince Charlie is selling a royal wedding souvenir jigsaw, which is described as .. “a finely cut wooden jigsaw featuring unique Wentworth “whimsy” pieces showing the engagement photograph of HRH Prince William and Catherine Middleton”. Price £29.95 ($47). I can’t wait to buy one.

Still, at least, the profits from it’s sale are going to charity, which is more than can be said for the ‘tat’ being sold by our future queen’s mummy and daddy and jolly old sister Pippa.

OK, so selling rubbish for parties is how they make a living, or so we are told, but do they really need to cash in on their daughter’s wedding when the family lives an enviably comfortable and privileged upper-class lifestyle, living in a large detached house in rolling countryside in the Home Counties. They are not short of a few bob if they could afford to buy Katie a £780,000 ($1,200,000) flat in the heart of Chelsea.

I bet that ‘er Maj did a ‘Queen Victoria’ and “was not amused” when she heard about the scratch cards and the other “Best of British” crap being sold by her future in-laws.

Although not sold by the Middletons, I believe that a mug has been produced for Fergie and all the ‘Sloanes’ who have been left off the invite list for the wedding. It bears the letters “NFI” standing for ‘Not Fuc Flippin’ Invited’. I won’t be buying one, but I will probably …

… buy some of .. THESE !

Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »

Here we go again !

Posted by Big John on March 19, 2011

I’ve just been watching Nickle-Arse Sarkozy on the TV news telling us how the “cheese eating surrender monkies”, the Yanks, us Brits and .. Oh yes ! .. a few Arabs are going to kick Gaddafi’s arse defend the civilian population of Libya.

I just hope that this time some clever bastard has thought up a way to extract ourselves from the shit that we will inevitably find ourselves in, otherwise it will be “Eye-Rack” all over again.

I must say that I am surprised that no one has mentioned “weapons of mass destruction” this time.

Mind you no one has mentioned   …

…   OIL !  either.

Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »

Why no minorities in “Midsomer” ?

Posted by Big John on March 17, 2011

I have never watched the ITV series ‘Midsomer Murders’ as I’m not keen on ‘whodunnits’, but I must say that I find it a little strange that no ethnic minority characters appear in it.

The reason for this is that the the man behind the show seems to think that rural England is the sole preserve of Anglo-Saxons. This idea has now got him suspended after a storm of protests from the ‘politically correct’ brotherhood .. sisterhood .. mob.

Now I’m not in favour of sticking the ‘token’ black or Asian character in every TV drama, but I do feel that ethnic minorities should be included even when the location for the story is set in a small country town or village: for I live in such a place, and although it is rare to see a black or brown face, we do have a Chinese family running the local take-away, Asian people frying our fish and chips, and a first class pharmacist who should know all about treating ‘Delhi Belly’. Sometimes I even see a smiling black face under the peak of a postman’s cap on my way to the Asian owned convenience store: and I’m sure that this is very much the case in similar areas across the country.

Perhaps all this fuss would end if the show featured an episode set in a high street “Indian” in ‘Midsomer Magna’, ‘Ferne Basset’ or ‘Luxton Deeping’ where a bunch of ‘lager louts’ have died as a result of eating an over-spiced …

…    chicken tikka masala !     🙂

Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »

“Those who cannot remember the past are …”

Posted by Big John on March 15, 2011

Recently I read about an ex-RAF pilot, who had served in World War II, going into a store where the young lady assistant noticed the veteran’s pin in his jacket lapel.

“What’s that badge ?” … she asked.

“Oh, it commemorates my service during the ‘Battle of Britain’ ” … replied the old boy.

“What battle of Britain was that then ?” asked the girl !

I know that it sounds like incredible ignorance, but then we’ve all read of the surveys where people think that Hitler was the German football (soccer) coach and that Churchill is the dog on TV that sells insurance.

So it comes as no shock to learn that so many children now drop history as a GCSE subject at the age of thirteen: and it seems that we are the only country in Europe that allows children to do this.

In the recent report inspectors raised concerns that, in primary schools, many pupils lacked chronological knowledge of historical events, partly because of the fashionable move towards teaching in ‘themes’. The report identified one primary school that skipped from the Romans and Ancient Egypt to the Tudors and then the Victorians. Sounds a bit like flicking from one channel to another with the TV remote.

I just hope that the lessons on the Tudors don’t use scenes from the TV series of the same name, as it’s a bit light on facts, but makes up for it in scenes of royal ‘rumpy-pumpy’. Perhaps they could introduce a sex education and history ‘theme’.

I must confess that I am a bit of a history nut, so I find it sad that so many young people know little or nothing about the exhilarating, inspiring and sometimes not so glorious history of this country, which of course teaches us so much about …

… our place in the world today.

Posted in humour, political, rant | 4 Comments »