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Too many ‘close encounters’.

Posted by Big John on May 16, 2008

How can anyone doubt that UFOs exist and that extra-terrestrials have landed on Earth ?

I know that The Ministry of Defence has just released some inconclusive reports of UFO sightings, but you have only to look around you to see creatures from outer space everywhere.

Most politicians are obviously from another planet, and many public officials have most certainly undergone some form of alien brain transplant.

I believe that little green men have been kidnapping, cloning and taking over the bodies of humans for many years; for how else can you explain why there are so many horrific mutants walking our streets ?

Take for example the fat bellied, shaven headed, tatooed beer beast and his partner, the mighty mountain of metal pierced flesh, to be seen outside every pub during the summer months. When the female of the species also covers her body in strange artwork, it is often difficult to tell her from the male, although a good indicator is that she has smaller breasts.  

One of the easiest clones to spot is the zombie like creature who has wires exiting from it’s ears. It can often be found in a trance on buses and trains, and can sometimes be seen jogging in it’s sleep. I think that it is from the same planet as those who wander around with a small communication device always ‘clamped’ against one ear.

Gyms are full of aliens; most of them are females who are confused about the shape of their bodies and seem determined to have muscles like their male counterparts. I believe that male aliens have been known to explode after pumping too much iron. Their leader is said to hold high office in the US state of California.

Shopping malls attract a very distinctive form of clone . Mostly stick thin and believed to be female, they have long bleached hair and orange coloured skin. They wear the minimum of clothing, carry lots of bags, and hide their reptilian eyes behind large sunglasses. Pictures of similar entities can be found amongst the pages of so called ‘celeb’ magazines often hanging on the arm of some ‘sporting hero’ with only half a brain.

I could go on, but I don’t want to start a panic, so I suppose that it’s best to remember ‘ET’, in the movie of that name, and hope that all aliens are as harmless as him.

One thought just struck me ! … In John Wyndham’s book ‘The Midwich Cuckoos’ (film ‘The Village of the Damned’) a number of women are impregnated without knowing who fathered their children, which now seems to be a fairly common occurrence in this country, and could explain recent sightings of UFOs parked outside pubs such as ‘The Slut and Slag’ on Friday and Saturday nights …

…   “Beam me up ! Anyone ?” 🙄   



6 Responses to “Too many ‘close encounters’.”

  1. The streets are full of offspring whose mothers are unsure of who the father was. its a smart child that knows its real father. I think the tattoo and pierce bunch must have majored in “UGLY” in Art school.


  2. Betty said

    Good one, John. We have some of those same extra-terrestrials here in this country, too. One of them occupies the White House.

  3. Ginnie said

    You are a breath of fresh air, John. These “aliens” are taking over our universe and I agree with Betty… “one of them occupies the White House”…but he must feel right at home with all the other weirdos in Washington…most of them his advisors !!

  4. Maria said

    You had me laughing from the get-go. What a great sense of humor you have and now I am wondering what planet you are really from. Your knowledge is much too extensive and I feel a need to notify the FBI, CIA, Oops wrong country. . Scotland Yard? Hey what do you call the snoopers over there?

    Not only is there an alien in the White house, but another named Cheney is hiding behind a Bush. Groan, it is late and I need sleep.

  5. Big John said

    Maria – We have all sorts of ‘snoopers’ in the UK. The main ones being MI5 and MI6, and I expect that the CIA is around here somewhere.

  6. ferouzeh said

    You made me shiver: you may be right

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