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‘Warning ! This film contains scenes …’

Posted by Big John on January 24, 2008

I’ve always enjoyed watching movies, even though I have not visited a cinema since they became places for munching, slurping and chatting your bloody head off.

In the old days I would happily queue in the rain outside one of the many local cinemas to see the big stars of the silver screen in films that could entertain and thrill; and what’s more I could hear every line of dialogue, recognise every actor and see all the action.

Now as I sit in my comfortable armchair, I have a choice of several movie channels showing films which have me reaching for the off button on the remote after only a few minutes, because … I can’t hear the actors above the background traffic noise or music … I can’t tell one actor from another.. or .. The action takes place in the dark.

Other things that piss me off are … Actors urinating (no pun intended) while having a conversation … someone throwing up .. and .. weeping women with runny noses. These now seem to be ‘a must’ in most modern films. 

I know that I’ve ranted on about this before, but things seem to be getting worse, with louder THUMPING music … more non stop “mother f*****g” ‘gangsta’ patois … dozens of lookalike actors: in fact so many that even the TV guides have to remind us who they are, with … Norma Snockers (Baywatch) or Tim Berdick (Desperate Housewives) etc. and if it’s not pitch black on screen then it must be because the actors are starkers, and we must be able to see every mole and pimple on every bum and boob.

Yes, good old ‘rumpy-pumpy’ takes up more and more screen time and generally has little to do with the plot: so why bother ? If people really want to watch what goes on behind bedroom doors, then there is porn aplenty on the internet to suite every taste .

I’m afraid I still prefer those long gone cinema days when you had to imagine what happened when the bedroom door closed, or the waves crashed on the beach, and the audience thought that an ‘orgasm’ was …

…    the music played during the intermission.  😉    


6 Responses to “‘Warning ! This film contains scenes …’”

  1. Tigger is the cine-enthusiast in our household. I would prefer to read a book or surf the Web but I watch to be companionable.

    Tigger has a growing collection of DVDs and we watch them on her laptop. Not exactly a big-screen experience but good enough for what it is.

    There is occasionally a film I like but most are eminently forgettable. I was never very good at remembering the names of actors or recognizing them from one film to another. As far as I am concerned, they’re just doing a job like anyone else and being over-paid for it.

    On the bright side, there are some beautiful DVDs of TV presentations like the one we are currently watching, an episode per day: David Attenborough’s Life in the Undergrowth.

    There are sex scenes in that too, mind you, but the slugs, snails, spiders and scorpions are doing it for real and not merely simulating it, which makes it beautiful rather than tacky, I find.

    No one has a cigarette afterwards, either.

    Sorry for the delay Tiger.

    I always feel sorry for the poor bloody male spider who gets eaten by his mate after such a ‘brief encounter’. 🙂

  2. Lucy said

    We very seldom go to movie theaters. Aside from the bad scripts, the socially unacceptable language, and the high prices, the worst part for me is the sound. Movies are too darned loud!

    I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN !!! Lucy. 🙂

  3. Betty said

    I agree, completely. I went to see Jurassic Park and a little girl sat beside me in the crowded theater and spent the whole movie opening candies wrapped in celophane. I can’t stand the deafening sound, either. I have solved the problem with Netflix, and now get my movies in the mail, and send them back when I’m finished with them. I don’t suppose you have anything like Netflix there???

    I’ve not heard of Netflix in the UK, Betty, but we have plenty of others including Blockbuster and Amazon. I have Sky + which enables me to ‘rent’ via the telephone line.

  4. Actually John, there are some pretty terrific films out there. I just saw “No country for old men”, and the “The Kite Runner”. I saw them during the week in the afternoons so I didn’t have to put up with the “yobs and their brainless birds” and could enjoy the film.

    But you are right there is also a lot of crap out there.

    Yes, J-W, I always look forward to seeing one of those ‘pretty terrific films’, but so often they are spoiled by poor quality sound etc.

  5. Oscarandre said

    I don’t think movies have improved since “Once Upon a Time in the West” – great soundtrack, great cinematography and Henry Fonda as the baddie. Ah, happy days of murder and mayhem…

    Nothing wrong in a bit of ‘murder and mayhem’ and a few bullets flying Oscarandre. Now in most ‘Action’ films they use more ammunition in one scene than was used on ‘D Day’.

  6. Maria said

    Rumpy-bumpy indeed! Yes, it and the mother f%##% word really turns me off. First of all, I am occasionally with one of my adult children at the movies and it just doesn’t feel comfortable watching this kind of entertainment with them. I think it is a mother thing. Note mother is a complete word not something to be hyphenated.LOL

    I remember a scene in an old black and white movie where the couple are by a river and as he passionately kisses her, he flicks his cigarette into the river and the camera follows the cigarette butt as it floats down a moon-lit stream. Wow, what that left to everyone’s imagination. It was impressive to say the least.

    Half the problem today is that everything must be right out there in our eye and nothing is left to our own creativity, thought process, or imagination.

    How about Paul Henried lighting those two cigarettes in ‘Now Voyager’, Maria. Now that was sexy. 🙂

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