Posted by Big John on August 7, 2014
I see that
some nutter a senior lecturer in sociology has said that although .. “Gardeners’ Question Time is not the most controversial show on BBC Radio 4, yet it is layered, saturated with racial meanings,” .. and that .. “people were vicariously living out their nationalist and fascist fantasies through horticultural chatter on plant species”.. with .. “gardening as a means through which white people can express their identity without appearing to be racist”.
No, I’m not making this up. You can read all about it … HERE !
When I have, on occasion, listened to the programme I have always been amazed at the amateur gardeners’ knowledge of the ‘Latin’ names of plants, such as ‘Rhodochiton Volubilis’, which is more commonly known as ‘black man’s willy’, which when mentioned in a 2008 episode outraged some listeners.
I wonder which one of today’s three equally ‘offensive’ words outraged them …
… ‘BLACK’ .. ‘MAN’ .. or .. ‘WILLY’ ?
Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »
Posted by Big John on August 1, 2014
The craze for ‘selfies’ may be new, but ‘photobombing’, such as this by his Harryness is not; as can be seen from this photograph of my mother (right), her aunt and young cousin …
When was it taken ? ….
… Around 1920 !
Posted in family, humour, nostalgia | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 22, 2014
I remember reading somewhere that some nutters believed that children should not be taught to read, because if you put a group of them in a room full of books somehow they would teach themselves.
Now I see that so-called ‘child-centred’ teaching methods characterised as allowing pupils to proceed at their own pace and make discoveries independent of the teacher, and where children are often left to work alone or in small groups, taking “responsibility for their own learning” are back in fashion.
In other words teachers do not take charge, direct lessons and set pupils structured tasks, but let the kids piss about all day, “like” mumbling to “like” each other and “like” texting their mates “innit“.
No wonder so many youngsters leave school illiterate, innumerate and without a clue about life in the ‘real world': and would you believe it ? … The majority of ‘Ofsted’ school inspectors favour this daft method, and .. “are prejudiced against more teacher-led alternatives”. However, their boss says that 60s-style “child-centred’ teaching damaged generations of schoolchildren. I bet it did !
I was educated during the 1940’s and 50’s. I didn’t think much of it at the time; but I guess …
… I was just lucky !
Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 17, 2014
Well, I suppose that it’s possible ! … and this strange ring of little flowers could be the evidence …
… for it reminded me of a poem from my childhood …
“There are fairies at the bottom of our garden!
They often have a dance on summer nights;
The butterflies and bees make a lovely little breeze,
And the rabbits stand about and hold the lights.”
… I just wish that the dirty little buggers would stop …
… crapping on my lawn !
Posted in humour, nostalgia | 3 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 12, 2014
Last Sunday I was surprised to find two letters on my doormat, as mail is not usually delivered on a Sunday. They were official looking envelopes bearing Royal Mail stamps and must have come by some sort of ‘special delivery’. One was addressed to me and one to my wife.
Blimey ! .. I thought. This must be really important stuff. In fact they were from the local council’s ‘Electoral Registration Officer’ to advise that .. “The way you register your vote is changing” .. and that .. “you have automatically been re-registered under the new system”. So why bloody bother to waste money telling us and thousands of other people like us ?
OK .. So these local bureaucrats do love to spend our money and this exercise must have cost a few thousand quid: but it didn’t end there !
Today two more ‘official looking’ Royal Mail envelopes appeared on the mat. They contained letters telling us that .. “Unfortunately, there was a mistake” .. in the previous letter. This minor ‘mistake’ did not effect us in any way. So, once again why bother !
The second letter was signed by the same bloke who signed the first one. His error must have cost a few more thousand pounds, but I bet that he his still in his job and is …
… looking forward to his ‘efficiency’ bonus !
Posted in political, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on June 30, 2014
I see that the ‘do nothing duchess’ has got a new ‘title’ … “Three-Kitchen Katie” … Oh, come on ! .. Do people really believe that she does the cooking ?
It’s a bit like her old man not wanting to take on the ‘job’ of a ‘full-time royal’. Well, would you ? .. with all that .. luxury travel .. living in a palace (or two) .. being waited on ‘hand and foot’ .. non-stop exotic holidays .. etc. .. Oh! .. and shaking hands with lots of
peasants loyal subjects.
Also in the news at the moment is our pampered Prince Charlie, who has been accused of using his privileged position to meddle in politics and try to influence government decisions. Apparently he is fond of writing to ministers in what are known as ‘black spider’ letters. Did no one tell him about brown paper envelopes full of cash ?
The Isle of Wight has just been honoured with a visit from the ‘Party Princess’ Beatrice, daughter of that prince of ‘freeloaders’ .. ‘Air-Miles’ Andy. Only this time he didn’t spend our money on a helicopter, he just ‘sent a gun-boat’. Yes, this parasite prince appears to have phoned his mates at the Admiralty and arranged for one of ‘er Maj’s warships to convey his dopey daughter to a ‘jolly’ at the HQ of the Royal Yacht Squadron at Cowes: thus saving us taxpayers the £17.50 ferry fare.
What with the above bad publicity and all the usual ’56p per head’
justification load of bollocks that appears in the press around this time every year; the damage limitation toadies at the palace seem to be slipping with only the tearful Harry diversion down in Brazil, which most people missed as the England fans were also crying as they said farewell to any chance of winning The World Cup.
What next ? .. Well, I guess that it’s about the time for Her Katieness to distract
the whole nation our royal worshipers and produce that important…
… ‘spare’ to the heir !
Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »
Posted by Big John on June 23, 2014
You may have noticed that I have been missing for a few days, for around this time in the year I tend to go into ‘pagan’ mode due to the ‘Summer Solstice’.
Yes, I know ! … I’m an atheist, but something in my genes brings out the Druid in me when the ‘longest day’ comes around once again; and I have a strange desire to dress up in some white bed linen, slap on the old blue woad and head for the nearest henge.
Now the nearest ‘henge’, as far as I know, is the famous Stonehenge in Wiltshire, which is a bloody long walk from where I live, for it would not be in keeping to travel by modern transport, and some rotten sod has stolen the wheels off my chariot !
So, knowing that my ancient limbs would not take me as far as Salisbury Plain, I decided to make my own mini-henge out of ‘Lego’ and find a suitable spot to camp near to my home and to wait for that mystic dawn.
I must say that I drew some attention from the locals, dressed, as I was, in my flowing ‘robes’ and plastic holly headdress (I couldn’t find any mistletoe), with a couple of drunken ‘skin-head’ types saluting me as a member of the Ku Klux Klan and a lady (at least, I think it was a lady) wearing a burka posing next to me for a ‘selfie’. Some passing kids then asked me if I was a new Arab Santa Claus before running off with some of my ‘Lego’.
At one point I attracted a bunch of scruffy gits from some sort of ‘rent a mob’ who wanted to join what they thought was my protest against fracking, but they lost interest and turned nasty when a female member of the group asked if I could translate her ‘Celtic’ tattoos, and I told her that what were ‘Germanic’ runes said that she was an “ugly fat tart”. This rather buggered-up my plans to have her and her tattooed girlfriends remove what few clothes they were wearing and dance around my campfire ‘skyclad’ as it is known to those wacky followers of ‘Wicca’.
When planning where to erect my little plastic henge I made sure that I was close to a public loo and a supply of food and drink (unfortunately .. no mead), so I was a bit pissed off when a ‘jobsworth’ in a ‘hi-viz’ vest, informed me that I should remove myself from the area on the grounds of, Yes… You guessed it … ‘health and safety’ !
OK ! .. So it wasn’t such a good idea to hold my Solstice celebration in …
… Sainsbury’s car park !
Posted in humour, religion | 4 Comments »
Posted by Big John on June 13, 2014
These days it is not possible, in this country, to pick up a newspaper or turn on the TV news without seeing or hearing the words .. Muslim .. Islam .. Sharia Law .. Mosque .. Koran .. etc.
Recently these words have mostly been used in news stories about religion being taught in schools, although why there should be such a fuss made over the ‘brainwashing’ of young children in Islamic schools is beyond me, when the Roman Catholics, Jews and others have been doing it to youngsters for years !
Now the media has suddenly re-discovered the bloody mess that is the Middle East. You know, that part of the world which George Bush and Tony Blair opened up to ‘democracy’, and where the people so benefitted from ‘The Arab Spring’ !
Why has it, once again, hit the headlines ? .. Well, as if .. al-Qaeda .. Jihad .. Boko Haram .. etc. weren’t enough, the press has something new to scare the shit out of us … “ISIS” !
Not a very pleasant bunch of (religious) people ! .. but, then again, you should ‘be careful what you wish for’, when you meddle in matters you know very little about, so let us hope that President Obama (unlike old ‘Dubya’) knows a ‘Shia’ from a ‘Sunni’, when he utters such statements as …
… “I don’t rule out anything” !
Posted in political, rant, religion | 4 Comments »