Posted by Big John on October 21, 2013
After last week’s news that British Gas were increasing their prices yet again, our Dave came out with the following advice, when he said … “There is something everyone can do, which is look to switch their electricity or gas bill from one supplier to another, we should all change to other energy providers”.
Notice the word “we” ! .. This is from someone who has probably never paid a gas or electricity bill in his life !
Reacting to today’s announcement that more energy suppliers are hiking up their prices, (what a surprise this must have been to him), the Prime Minister’s official spokesman said that “nobody wants to see higher bills” and that David Cameron “understands the pressure that households are facing” and understands why consumers will be “angry” about today’s increases. ..“He very much understands why households are angered about this.”
Oh, yeah ! .. Just as this Old Etonian, who has never had a ‘proper’ job in his life ’understands’ what life is like at one of our ’failing’ schools which produce “the least literate and numerate pupils in the industrialised world”, or what this ex-member of the ‘Bullingdon Club’ knows about serving on the front line in Afghanistan, or what this privileged political parasite of a Prime Minister and resident of 10 Downing Street, Chequers, not to mention, one or two ‘de reses’ of his own, knows about life on an inner city ‘sink’ estate (remember “hug a hoodie” ?).
How I would love to welcome him into …
… the ‘real world’ !
Posted in political, rant | 3 Comments »
Posted by Big John on October 15, 2013
I’ve ranted in the past about those press reports which tell us which everyday foods are supposed to be harmful to our health, and today I’ve just read that .. “a rasher of bacon a day can harm a man’s fertility” !
OK, so there is nothing funny about something which may reduce the chances of a man becoming a father, but what I do find more than a little amusing in this report from Harvard University is that the researchers say that the same results from eating a rasher of bacon could be caused by …
… “a small sausage” ! ..
Posted in humour | 4 Comments »
Posted by Big John on October 12, 2013
Remember my list of Vatican secrets ? .. Well, it would seem that I missed a document which showed the real name of the Messiah, and now some clumsy cardinal or other has revealed this name to the Italian State Mint and the name ‘Lesus’ now appears on some 6,000 Papal medals which were struck to commemorate the beginning of Pope Francis’s papacy.
What has not been revealed is that this document also shows that Lesus’s cousin was Ron the Baptist and his mum was the Virgin Cary.
Now if you read the Gospels you will find that old Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all got a bit confused when it came to the names of the twelve apostles and we all know that Peter was really called Simon (or was it the other way around ?), John was named Boanērges, Thaddeus was Judas and ‘Lesus only’ knows what the rest were really called; so it’s more than likely that most of the names in the Bible are wrong.
What’s the betting that Lesus’s Hebrew hooker girlfriend was known by all his followers as …
… Hairy Magdalene ? ..
Posted in humour, religion | 8 Comments »
Posted by Big John on October 5, 2013
I have just received an email from a florist reminding me that Sunday is ‘Grandparents’ Day’.
This is a ‘new one’ on me ! … and, so wearing my grumpy old git’s hat I can only guess that it is yet another ‘import’ from that great con the consumer market across the Atlantic Ocean.
We will soon have ‘Trick or Treat’, the US version of Halloween, thrust upon us. My local branch of Sainsbury’s is already stacked out with pumpkins !
Mothers’ Day, once Mothering Sunday. Valentine’s Day, once The Feast of Saint Valentine. Fathers’ Day, described as .. “a second Christmas for all the men’s gift-oriented industries.” are, like the modern wedding ‘industry’, far removed from the simple traditions of my young days.
Now, I’m sorry to say that many of our ‘traditions’ have been hijacked by greedy commercial organisations who ‘cash in’ on people’s sentimentality.
I wonder what will ‘cross the pond’ next ? … Well with all the nutters we now have wandering around, probably (and I’m not making this up) …
… National Fruitcake Day !
Posted in humour, rant | 5 Comments »
Posted by Big John on September 20, 2013
I always let my small garden grow a little on the wild side to encourage the local wildlife to visit (remember the fox); but just recently it has grown a bit too wild, so I called in two big men with chainsaws, hedge trimmers and an assortment of ‘serious’ gardening tools, to set about repairing fences, clearing rubbish and cutting back the vegetation before it engulfed my property. It took them a whole day to complete the task !
Of course the birds who usually hang on my bird feeders decided to seek pastures new and did not return for a couple of days, but when the men left I was amazed to see one little creature staring up at me as I inspected a bare patch of ground where once the wreck of a greenhouse had stood. It was a tiny harvest mouse …
… whom I had often seen grabbing a few peanuts when the birds were not looking. He was looking at me as if to say … “What the … ! … just happened ?”
Now the branches where this particular bird feeder hung were no more, so I thought little ‘Mickey’ might be wondering where his next meal was coming from. I need not have worried, for within five minutes of me rehanging the feeder on a branch several feet from where it used to hang, the clever little mouse had climbed the tree, and worked out how to reach the peanuts.
Now all say …
… Ahhhh !
Posted in humour | 6 Comments »
Posted by Big John on September 10, 2013
I see that obnoxious oaf of a prince, ‘Air Miles Andy’, is in the news again for doing what this freeloader does best: being a pompous petulant prat !
It is reported that he ‘made his thoughts plain’ (I bet he did) during a ‘highly-charged confrontation’ with lowly peasant coppers who challenged him in his mum’s back yard, and although reports of what happened vary, a royal lacky said that .. “He was incredibly, incredibly angry. It was very much a case of guns being pointed at him and “Halt ! who goes there ?”.
It is obvious from this parasite prince’s usual arrogant behaviour that he has never heard of “Noblesse oblige”, so what a pity it was that the officers concerned didn’t do us all a favour by shooting first and …
… asking questions later !
Posted in humour, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on September 7, 2013
This morning I opened the kitchen window blinds, and looked out at a sunny day where a few of the first leaves of autumn had fallen, and sitting amongst those leaves and sunning himself (or herself) was …
… this very large fox enjoying a warm corner of my garden, relaxing and …
… acting as if it owned the bloody place !
Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »
Posted by Big John on August 27, 2013
When I look at the horrific pictures coming out of Syria, which often show the plight of the children, I am reminded that, as a child, I also lived in a bomb and missile blasted world, and so can relate directly to their experience.
Now, it would seem, that many of our world leaders (who have never heard a shot fired in anger) are gearing themselves up to drop more bombs and fire more missiles in some show of force which will not help those kids sheltering in the ruins of their homes one little bit ! … In fact, once it starts, we will soon see the inevitable scenes of
collateral damage the further murder of civilians, as some of those cruise missiles and bunker-busting bombs …
… find the wrong targets !
Posted in political, rant | 4 Comments »