Posted by Big John on January 15, 2014
I know that I’ve ranted about this subject before, but I’m afraid that I am getting more and more pissed off with the way people in this country now speak “the Queen’s English” !
I don’t mean the strange accents of our immigrant ’guests’ from such places as sunny Afghanistan, rural Romania or beautiful Bulgaria; for many of these people speak far better English than some of the mumbling morons who were born here.
What I am fed up ‘with’ (not “of” ! ) is hearing the Californian ‘valley girl’ .. “like”, and the ‘Jafaican’ .. “Innit ?”: but that’s nothing to what I feel when I hear that intensely annoying habit of raising the voice at the end of a sentence to make a statement sound like a question.
I have now learned that this is known as a high-rising terminal (HRT) or Australian Question Intonation (AQI), and is a language trait which seems to be growing amongst young (and not so young) people in the UK, who, obviously, don’t realize how bloody stupid this so-called “upspeak” or “uptalk” makes them sound to prospective employers. Not to mention how it ‘gets on the tits’ of a …
… grumpy old git like me !
Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »
Posted by Big John on January 9, 2014
Despite the fact that our armed forces have more generals than tanks, aircraft carriers with no aircraft and hundreds of soldiers, sailors and airmen being made redundant, it would seem that some of the UK’s defence budget is being spent on introducing TV audiences, not to stories of the “few” of Battle of Britain fame, or to the courage of the RAF’s “Dambusters”, but to tales of a fictional Wyoming county sheriff !
Yes, last night I watched “Longmire” on Channel 5 USA. It’s not a bad ‘cop’ show, and I’ll probably watch it again next week, but it beats me why it is sponsored by …
… “Royal Air Force Careers” ?
Posted in humour, political, rant | 1 Comment »
Posted by Big John on December 30, 2013
As I remember, (and it is a very long time ago) when I was a small child, there was nothing more embarrassing than being pushed into the ‘limelight’ at some family gathering by some smelly old aunty (my parents never did this) to ‘perform’ in front of a not so smelly old grandma.
So can you imagine how those poor little buggers (well, most of them) feel who are thrust into the path of ‘er Maj’ by their mothers, to present her with a bunch of flowers whenever she passes a crowd of her grovelling ‘subjects’ on one of those let’s all worship ‘a royal’ days ?
What is it with these ‘pushy’ women ? I suppose that they hope that by positioning their little
brat darling in front so many newspaper and TV cameras they may find photographs of themselves in the press the next day. I’ve even seen pictures of mothers pushing tiny toddlers towards those awful ‘grief-lite’ shrines which now seem to spring up at the site of every tragic death.
I hate to admit it, but I almost hummed our dirge of a National Anthem, when I read that our not so ‘Merry Monarch’ chose to ignore the crowds of monarchist maternal morons as her lunch (or perhaps a need for the royal loo?) took priority over the stupid serfs floral offerings.
One dopey parent who (wisely) asked not to be named, said: “We drove more than 50 miles with our five-year-old daughter so she could present a small bouquet to the Queen”.
Never mind luv. At least your kid was saved the embarrassment of you asking ‘er Maj for a …
… Christmas ‘selfie’ !
Posted in family, humour, nostalgia, rant | 3 Comments »
Posted by Big John on December 22, 2013
On Thursday I decided to brave the ‘child friendly’ policy at my local pub, as the neighbourhood’s school
hool.. kids had not yet started their Christmas break, and take the old ‘trouble and strife’ to lunch (she had to remind me that we had first met on this day 54 years ago !).
Now, as this establishment had been advertising ‘Xmas Specials’ since bloody September, I was very surprised to find the place half empty, and with only a couple of little brats present.
On the day before, I found that my local Sainsbury’s supermarket, although busy, was far less crowded than was usual at this time of year, and I did have the pleasure of bagging a parking space immediately I arrived, which must have pissed off those who saw me do so, as they were on their tenth circuit of the car park.
If only the weather was as quiet. It’s blowing a gale and the rain is peeing down. Still, that’s better than being up to your arse in snow.
Once again, this year, I’m doing my ‘saintly act’, along with other family members, and giving the money I would have spent on presents to various charities, which means no visits to the shopping mall and no high street hassle. However, this also means that I am unable to judge if people in general are shying away from the modern Christmas ‘commercialism’ and abandoning what has become a festive orgy of materialism. Could this be ? … I wonder !
No bleedn’ chance, mate ! … I’ve just read that, in the UK, Christmas shoppers are expected to spend £45,000 every second and that 16,000 shops will be open on …
… Christmas Day !
A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL
(That includes all you Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Pagans
and Religious Nutters)
Posted in family, humour, rant, religion | 5 Comments »
Posted by Big John on December 17, 2013
After the ‘over-the-top’ BBC and press coverage of the life and death of Nelson Mandela, one would have expected that he would have come top of the latest list of the most famous and influential people in the history of the world, as he was even compared to Jesus Christ: but old ‘Madiba’ only rated the number 356th place on the list headed by …
… Yes ! … That’s right … Jesus Christ !
Now, please feel free to correct me, but to the best of my knowledge, there is no actual proof that Jesus ever existed, unlike other religious leaders such as No. 4 on the list .. Mohammad, No. 17 .. Martin Luther, No. 52 .. Buddha, and even No. 89 .. Ali, “the father of Sufism”, so should this mystery man of a ‘Messiah’ be on this list at all ?
Well, perhaps he could be squeezed in at the No. 85 spot with that other great ‘mythical’ character …
… King Arthur ! ..
Posted in humour, rant, religion | 1 Comment »
Posted by Big John on December 9, 2013
The horror of war in Afghanistan has not changed since the 19th century when Rudyard Kipling wrote these words …
“When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.”
For some reason I was reminded of these words when reading about the Taliban fighter who was very near to death after being blasted by fire from an Apache helicopter, and was ‘helped on his way‘ by Royal Marine Sergeant Alex Blackman.
What this marine did was against the ‘rules of war’, but I am quite sure that these rules are broken on a fairly regular basis, and in the wicked waste of human lives that is the Afghan conflict no such ‘rules’ apply to the tactics of the Taliban.
Sergeant Blackman has been sentenced to a minimum of 10 years in prison, and obviously he should be made to suffer the consequences of his actions, but he is a highly regarded experienced fighting man, and if I was being held hostage in some Gawd-forsaken hole, the first face that I would hope to see come through the door, would be …
… THIS ONE !
Posted in political, rant | 4 Comments »
Posted by Big John on December 3, 2013
Once again it is time for my .. Bah, Humbug ! .. Christmas rant, and this year it concerns the deluge of seasonal
sh.. offerings on the telly.
I’ve no objection to the children’s channels showing films about Santa and Rudolph, and I’ll even accept the occasional snowy ‘rom-com’ or Christmas ‘classic’, but this year it seems that almost every other channel is showing non-stop Christmas crap, and has been for the past month or so.
I scrolled down just one menu page of my TV planner which showed eight movie channels, six of which were showing films with a Christmas theme 24/7 !
One movie title caught my eye … “Annie Claus is Coming to Town” … A story about Santa’s daughter leaving the North Pole to visit California. Can you guess which channel is showing this film ? … Yes, that’s right …
… ‘True Movies’ !
Posted in humour, rant | 5 Comments »
Posted by Big John on November 28, 2013
Just like the call to bring back the death penalty, every so often some politician puts forward a proposal to reintroduce ‘National Service’. In fact there is a private member’s bill before Parliament right now to do just that, and, as usual, publicity seeking idiots think that it is a good idea !
The following is an extract from a post I published in 2008 …
“Many people today would like to see national service reintroduced. Most of them have no experience of service life and think that a good dose of military discipline would ‘straighten out’ our current crop of yobs and layabouts. I doubt that it would, for even in my day we had our share of tearaways and rebels and although many of them finished their service as better people it was not due to screaming drill sergeants or a few days in the guardhouse, it was because we were all in it together and being ‘exposed’ to our fellow man made us into more tolerant and mature human beings.
I think that a short period of some form of ‘service’ may benefit many of our present youth, but not in the military, for unlike my generation they have not been brought up to expect to serve in the armed forces, and attitudes in general and the military itself have changed beyond recognition.”
I am relieved to see that the new bill does not call for military conscription for all, but for young people between 18 and 26 (surely over 19 is a bit late?), to spend a year doing charitable work or public service, in which the armed forces would be an option alongside the emergency services, the NHS, elderly or disabled care, social action and overseas development.
Now comes the dodgy bit; for the scheme would include … ”educational assistance for those participants who have yet to attain basic educational requirements of reading and writing in English and mathematics”, as well as “instruction to attain basic levels of fitness, personal discipline, smart appearance, self-respect and respect for others.” … In other words, illiterate, innumerate, obese, nasty, scruffy, anti-social morons !
Does the ‘honourable member’ from ‘another planet’, who has introduced this bill really believe that those same ”participants” would actually get out of bed and …
… report for duty ?
Posted in humour, nostalgia, political, rant | 2 Comments »