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Archive for the ‘rant’ Category

Religion ? .. Just tick the box marked ‘C of E’.

Posted by Big John on April 23, 2014

So, unlike Tony Blair, David Cameron does “do God”, and his recent announcement that Britain is a “Christian country” has caused quite an uproar from my fellow atheists and others.

I won’t go into detail on this as the media has this story well covered.

However, with the Anglican Church rapidly disappearing up it’s own cassock, and all the mosques and temples springing up all over the place: not to mention all the other ‘houses of worship’ of every variety of religious nutter on the face of the earth, I find it hard to see how our Dave comes to such a conclusion.

I recently read that The National Offender Management Service, which runs prisons in England and Wales, recognises 18 religions, including Paganism, Jainism, Spiritualism and Zoroastrianism; and that the Rastafari religion (minus the ‘ganja’ smoking) has recently been added to the list, and I’m pretty sure that all those who “get religion” in the ‘nick’ are fairly representative of the other believers in this country.

It has been reported that in the 2011 census 60% of people in this country claimed to be Christian, but I believe that it was 60% of those who “claimed to be religious” who said that they where Christians. Quite a different thing altogether; and only 7% of these people said that they were regular church goers.

I suppose that on this Saint George’s Day it’s OK to remember that we live in what was historically a ‘Christian country’ …

… but it ain’t any more !  

Posted in humour, political, rant, religion | 1 Comment »

“Jesus who ?”

Posted by Big John on April 17, 2014

As a tolerant (?) atheist I am quite happy to see the members of different faiths celebrate their various religious festivals, apart from when the mumbo-jumbo merchants who run these events impose their will on the rest of us: such as insisting that larger shops in England and Wales, by law, must close on Easter Sunday and Christmas Day.

OK, so shutting some shops for a couple of days a year is no big deal, but I’m sure that the zombies who wander around shopping malls every Sunday have no idea why their favourite department store or supermarket will be closed this weekend …

… “The Last Supper ? What’s that all about then ?” … “Crucifixion ? Never ‘erd of it mate !” … “Pontius Pilate ? Who’s ‘e play for ?” … “Gethsemane ? Ain’t that near Benidorm ?” … “The Passion of Christ ? Now that sounds like … a bit of porn to me !”

…   and if you think that I’m kidding … READ THIS !


Posted in humour, political, rant, religion | 3 Comments »

They’re both bossy and barmy !

Posted by Big John on April 7, 2014

I see that the ‘nanny state’ has gone into overdrive recently with the ridiculous idea that junk fast food restaurants and take-outs should sell smaller pizzas, burgers and curries, plus a laughable ‘threat’ to smokers that cigarettes may soon only be sold in plain packs; and that beer and wine glasses used in pubs and restaurants should be marked with a scale showing how many units of alcohol they contain. Oh! .. and before I forget .. that we should all eat ten (Yes, ten !) portions of fruit and veg each day.

OK, so I’m sure that many of us know that it makes sense to eat a healthy diet and not to overdo the doughnuts and to be careful when drinking out of wet glasses, but do ‘those who think that they know better than us what is good for us’ really believe that the likes of the tattooed hulks and their demanding brats, who can be seen at every ‘drive-thru’, pub and pizza parlour, will stop smoking their full strength fags, give up their pints of super strong larger and rush to the supermarket to buy their ‘daily ten’ ?

Of course they bloody won’t ! … So what if their favourite pizza is an inch or two smaller and their usual burger has shrunk in size ? … They will just buy them …

… two at a time !

Posted in family, humour, political, rant | 3 Comments »

Delusional Devotees.

Posted by Big John on March 29, 2014

Why am I not surprised to read that a recent survey found that people in the UK are now more likely to believe in the supernatural and superstitious mumbo-jumbo than in God, and that more people believe they have “special powers” than those who regularly go to church.

I put it down to all those TV shows and movies featuring psychics, vampires, zombies, werewolves, ghosts and the likes of ‘Harry-bloody-Potter’, who’s stories are probably more popular than those in that other book of myths, magic and fantastic tales… ‘The Holy Bible’.

So, if you think that you are a ‘super-hero’, can see into the future or just never walk under ladders, that’s OK by me, as long as you do no harm to others; but I would like to point out that ‘The Encyclopaedia of Mental Disorders’ states that …

Delusions are irrational beliefs, held with a high level of conviction, that are highly resistant to change even when the delusional person is exposed to forms of proof that contradict the belief“…

… Need I say more ?

Posted in humour, rant, religion | 5 Comments »

They are at it again !

Posted by Big John on March 9, 2014

I could be wrong, or is there more criticism than is usual of ‘er Maj’s mob in the press and on-line lately, due to the ‘do little duchess’ and her ‘parasite prince’ deciding to go on yet another exotic holiday before this hedonistic “hard working” pair embark on one of those freeloading junkets “exhausting” royal tours, accompanied by their eleven strong entourage, including the latest little pampered prince’s new nanny (what happened to “no nanny”?) and a tax-payer funded security team.

Of course the ‘Palace’ damage limitation toadies have sprung into action immediately by deploying the ex-’ginger spare’ to distract the royal worshippers’ attention with his launching of a Paralympic-style sporting event for injured servicemen and women and showing him getting cosy with Cressie Bone-Arse (doesn’t he look like his dad?) at another charity event.

Some reports speak of another royal wedding and yet another “Princess”. Just what …

… we bloody need !

Posted in humour, political, rant | Leave a Comment »

Obscene pay for a prima donna !

Posted by Big John on February 23, 2014

During the last few days we have had news on two very famous football (soccer) players. One was the great Tom Finney who has been, quite rightly, described at the news of his death as …“A true gentleman and an ambassador not just for football but for the City of Preston and indeed England as a whole. Sir Tom was and is a true football legend. His like will never be seen again.”

Sir Tom only ever played for one club and that was Preston North End in the days of long baggy shorts, thick woollen socks and big leather boots, and for much of the time he still worked as a plumber as there was a maximum limit on professional footballers’ pay.

The other player in the news at the moment is the snarling, swearing, spitting, half brained Neanderthal (my apologies to the Neanderthals) yob .. Wayne Rooney !

For much of Sir Tom’s career his wages were limited to just £20 per week (approx. £400 today): … and Wayne ?

Well, he now gets a little more, as his wages have just been increased to the staggering amount of …

…  £300,000 per week !

Posted in nostalgia, rant | 3 Comments »

I wonder if Jecca is a ‘hot’ shot ?

Posted by Big John on February 15, 2014

“Pass another sandbag, Willy”

“OK, Harry, but why are we doing this ?”

“Oh, some PR toady at the Palace thought that we needed a photo opportunity showing us helping the poor peasants who’s homes have been flooded, just like all those useless  politicians were shown last week poncing about in their wellies.”

“I suppose that it’s the same old story. You know, to counter our cock-ups they usually send us off to be photographed cuddling a starving African baby or visiting a children’s hospice.”

“So, what did we do this time ?”

“I think that it’s because we joined Daddy in signing up to help save endangered wildlife, like elephants and rhino, after we had just spent a few days shooting the shit out of half the wild boar and stags in Spain.”

“Never mind Willy, at least it’s not as bad as what happened to poor Daddy and Step-Mummy when the bloody plebs disapproved. They had to give up their jolly old …

… fox hunting!”

Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »

Unrealistic expectations.

Posted by Big John on January 28, 2014

Much has been written lately about the aspirations of young people who may be about to leave school or college and enter the British workplace; with some controversy arising out of a government minister’s .. “get a job at Costa” .. message, and comments about young people not being prepared to .. “start at the bottom” !

Now I won’t start ranting about politicians who haven’t a clue about the real world, or kids who expect to start their dream job on a ‘Reality’ TV show as soon as they leave school, but I am reminded of the American education expert Charles Sykes’ book .. “Dumbing Down our Kids” .. It was first published in 1996, but many of his observations and rules are still (if not more) relevant today. Some of which are …

RULE 1 ..  “Life is not fair – get used to it.

RULE 2 ..  The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

RULE 3 ..  You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice president with a car phone (this was written in 1996), until you earn both.

RULE 4 ..  If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure.

RULE 5 ..  Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping they called it Opportunity.

RULE 6 ..  If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7 ..  Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

RULE 8 ..  Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9 .. Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10 ..  Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11 ..  Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.”

I have taken the liberty of adding …

RULE 12 .. Smoking dope and not wearing knickers will not make you a ‘super model’.

RULE 13 ..  You need more than covering yourself in tattoos and being able to spit and swear to play for Manchester United.

RULE 14 ..  Being a celebrity is not an occupation. You will not find it listed at ‘Jobcentre Plus’.

RULE 15 ..  ‘Text speak’ is not English and should not be used on job application forms; and at interviews the answer to questions should not end with … “Yer no wot I mean ?” or “Innit ?”…. and …

Put your bloody smartphone away when the interviewer …

… is talking to you !

Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »


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