Posted by Big John on September 16, 2014
Only a couple of days to go before we could see the breakup of the United Kingdom, if the land of the ‘haggis bashers’ becomes an independent country.
To be honest, I couldn’t care less if the majority of ‘Jocks’ north of the border decided that they wanted to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall and make Rod Stewart their head of state.
‘Her Maj’ might be a bit pissed off at not being Queen of Scotland anymore, but I’m sure that the Scots would still allow her and her tribe to stay (hopefully for ever) at her favourite Balmoral Castle, for I’m sure that they would miss the hilarious sight of all that tartan being worn by a bunch of ‘Highland’ …
… Germans and Greeks !
Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on September 3, 2014
In my kitchen I have a small toaster, with just two slots for the bread, and most mornings I have to decide if I want one or two slices of toast for my breakfast.
Now I have just found out that if I only put one slice of bread in the toaster and leave one slot empty I am wasting energy and helping to destroy the planet !
Can you believe that, not content with the ridiculous prohibition on vacuum cleaners, the EU
bureaucrats little führers in Brussels have their eyes set on about 30 other electrical items, such as lawn mowers, hairdryers and, Yes ! .. Toasters ! … Not to mention all those brown envelopes stuffed full of Euros being passed under the table.
I recently read that the polar bears are now happy, but the seals (their lunch) are pissed off, because the ice in the artic is not melting: in fact, it is expanding: so all those crappy light bulbs which the EU forced me to buy are a waste of bloody time; as it now seems (well, for the moment) that there is not one shred of scientific evidence that man causes global warming; so, if not ‘man’, who then ? … Well, we know that it’s not those polar bears, but methane farting cows are still a possibility. Or perhaps it is just nature doing …
… what ‘nature’ has always done.
Posted in humour, political, rant | 1 Comment »
Posted by Big John on September 1, 2014
Situated high up and towards the bow of our cruise ship …
(click on images for a better view)
… was ‘The Observatory’, a very pleasant and comfortable bar with large panoramic windows. Needless to say that it was a very popular spot for many passengers, as it offered a great view of all the magnificent scenery as we cruised slowly along the beautiful fjords on our first day in Norway.
Now you may find this hard to believe, but as I sat enjoying a cold beer and watching the mountains, waterfalls and pretty villages ‘drift by’, I noticed that many of my fellow passengers were not gazing out of the windows at the stunning landscape, but were fiddling with their smartphones or jabbing their fingers at their tablets, and a number were reading (mostly ‘Kindles’), or even knitting. Of course, “the best seats in the house” were occupied by selfish old farts who were taking their afternoon nap !
I wonder if they where the same passengers who, at our first port of call …
… paid the rip-off prices to pack the tour buses, ‘Troll Trains’ …
… and pleasure boats to view very similar (if not the same) mountains, waterfalls and villages as those they had failed to notice during the previous day’s scenic voyage ?
I heard one bloke say that he hoped to see a reindeer on his four hour
pleasure bum numbing bus trip,. If he did, I bet it features …
… in a ‘selfie’ !
Posted in humour, rant, travel | 1 Comment »
Posted by Big John on August 13, 2014
I ended ‘Part Eight’ with President Obama’s statement … “I don’t rule out anything” ! … and guess what ? .. American warplanes are now shooting the shit out of yet another bunch of very unpleasant religious nutters in ‘Eye-Rack’. Although in this case they are trying their best to save the lives of a people, the Yasidis, of whom we had never heard until a few days ago.
Now we learn that British aircraft are involved, although so far, only in a humanitarian role.
Which brings me to my question … Why is it always the USA and some other western powers who have to try and solve the bloody problems of what is largely the ‘Arab World’ ?
OK, so I know that our own political ‘pygmies’, got this present mess started by naïvely thinking that democracy, human rights and religious freedom actually meant something to all the tribes, sects, political factions, military leaders and assorted crooks and bandits, not to mention every kind of religious loony in this part of the world: but surely it is about time that all the rulers of those oil rich states, and others, stopped counting their money and flaunting their wealth and started to sort out the problems and help the persecuted people of their own region, and the followers of their own religion ?
I suppose that there isn’t much chance of that, when those now being slaughtered are considered to be ‘infidels’ or just the wrong kind of Muslim.
… Ain’t it great to be religious ?
Posted in political, rant, religion | 5 Comments »
Posted by Big John on August 7, 2014
I see that
some nutter a senior lecturer in sociology has said that although .. “Gardeners’ Question Time is not the most controversial show on BBC Radio 4, yet it is layered, saturated with racial meanings,” .. and that .. “people were vicariously living out their nationalist and fascist fantasies through horticultural chatter on plant species”.. with .. “gardening as a means through which white people can express their identity without appearing to be racist”.
No, I’m not making this up. You can read all about it … HERE !
When I have, on occasion, listened to the programme I have always been amazed at the amateur gardeners’ knowledge of the ‘Latin’ names of plants, such as ‘Rhodochiton Volubilis’, which is more commonly known as ‘black man’s willy’, which when mentioned in a 2008 episode outraged some listeners.
I wonder which one of today’s three equally ‘offensive’ words outraged them …
… ‘BLACK’ .. ‘MAN’ .. or .. ‘WILLY’ ?
Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 22, 2014
I remember reading somewhere that some nutters believed that children should not be taught to read, because if you put a group of them in a room full of books somehow they would teach themselves.
Now I see that so-called ‘child-centred’ teaching methods characterised as allowing pupils to proceed at their own pace and make discoveries independent of the teacher, and where children are often left to work alone or in small groups, taking “responsibility for their own learning” are back in fashion.
In other words teachers do not take charge, direct lessons and set pupils structured tasks, but let the kids piss about all day, “like” mumbling to “like” each other and “like” texting their mates “innit“.
No wonder so many youngsters leave school illiterate, innumerate and without a clue about life in the ‘real world': and would you believe it ? … The majority of ‘Ofsted’ school inspectors favour this daft method, and .. “are prejudiced against more teacher-led alternatives”. However, their boss says that 60s-style “child-centred’ teaching damaged generations of schoolchildren. I bet it did !
I was educated during the 1940’s and 50’s. I didn’t think much of it at the time; but I guess …
… I was just lucky !
Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »
Posted by Big John on July 12, 2014
Last Sunday I was surprised to find two letters on my doormat, as mail is not usually delivered on a Sunday. They were official looking envelopes bearing Royal Mail stamps and must have come by some sort of ‘special delivery’. One was addressed to me and one to my wife.
Blimey ! .. I thought. This must be really important stuff. In fact they were from the local council’s ‘Electoral Registration Officer’ to advise that .. “The way you register your vote is changing” .. and that .. “you have automatically been re-registered under the new system”. So why bloody bother to waste money telling us and thousands of other people like us ?
OK .. So these local bureaucrats do love to spend our money and this exercise must have cost a few thousand quid: but it didn’t end there !
Today two more ‘official looking’ Royal Mail envelopes appeared on the mat. They contained letters telling us that .. “Unfortunately, there was a mistake” .. in the previous letter. This minor ‘mistake’ did not effect us in any way. So, once again why bother !
The second letter was signed by the same bloke who signed the first one. His error must have cost a few more thousand pounds, but I bet that he his still in his job and is …
… looking forward to his ‘efficiency’ bonus !
Posted in political, rant | 2 Comments »
Posted by Big John on June 30, 2014
I see that the ‘do nothing duchess’ has got a new ‘title’ … “Three-Kitchen Katie” … Oh, come on ! .. Do people really believe that she does the cooking ?
It’s a bit like her old man not wanting to take on the ‘job’ of a ‘full-time royal’. Well, would you ? .. with all that .. luxury travel .. living in a palace (or two) .. being waited on ‘hand and foot’ .. non-stop exotic holidays .. etc. .. Oh! .. and shaking hands with lots of
peasants loyal subjects.
Also in the news at the moment is our pampered Prince Charlie, who has been accused of using his privileged position to meddle in politics and try to influence government decisions. Apparently he is fond of writing to ministers in what are known as ‘black spider’ letters. Did no one tell him about brown paper envelopes full of cash ?
The Isle of Wight has just been honoured with a visit from the ‘Party Princess’ Beatrice, daughter of that prince of ‘freeloaders’ .. ‘Air-Miles’ Andy. Only this time he didn’t spend our money on a helicopter, he just ‘sent a gun-boat’. Yes, this parasite prince appears to have phoned his mates at the Admiralty and arranged for one of ‘er Maj’s warships to convey his dopey daughter to a ‘jolly’ at the HQ of the Royal Yacht Squadron at Cowes: thus saving us taxpayers the £17.50 ferry fare.
What with the above bad publicity and all the usual ’56p per head’
justification load of bollocks that appears in the press around this time every year; the damage limitation toadies at the palace seem to be slipping with only the tearful Harry diversion down in Brazil, which most people missed as the England fans were also crying as they said farewell to any chance of winning The World Cup.
What next ? .. Well, I guess that it’s about the time for Her Katieness to distract
the whole nation our royal worshipers and produce that important…
… ‘spare’ to the heir !
Posted in humour, rant | 3 Comments »