bigjohn

There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC. That's 'Before Computers'. Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all... Archbishop Temple's School.

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    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock 'n' Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during 'The Cold War'...and then

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    I became 'a family'. Which meant that I sort of missed the 'swinging sixties', but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.

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    During the 'Thatcher Years' I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 50 years of happy marriage.
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Archive for the ‘rant’ Category

HAPPY HALLOWEEN !

Posted by Big John on October 30, 2014

I know, this heading is unusual, as this grumpy old git, usually rants and moans at this time of year, not about the traditional festival, but about that ‘import’ from the USA … ‘Trick or bloody Treat’ !

So why is this year different ? … Simple answer … Attrition ! … Which the dictionary defines as … “a wearing down or weakening of resistance, especially as a result of continuous pressure or harassment“. In other words I have been ‘swamped’ by all the commercialism, which seems to have multiplied one hundred fold this year, with TV and newspapers churning out ‘creepy’ ads and advice on how to have a ghoulish great time.

My local Sainsbury’s supermarket is stacked out with pumpkins, and it’s aisles have been full of Trick or Treat ‘tat’ for weeks. On my visit to the store earlier this week two very small children nearly crashed into me as they raced down the aisle waving orange ‘pumpkin’ buckets and screaming … “TRICK or TREAT !” .. “TRICK or TREAT !” … I’m sure that they did not have a clue what Halloween is all about; and you can bet that …

… their bat brained parents don’t either ! 

Posted in humour, rant | 1 Comment »

So, that’s that then !

Posted by Big John on October 27, 2014

So the last British combat troops are leaving Afghanistan and Camp Bastion is no more. Even the memorials to those who died in this conflict have been removed. Let us hope that our American, and any other, allies still there will soon follow.

I won’t repeat what has so often been reported about the waste of so many lives, the ridiculous claims of ‘mission accomplished’ by some military commanders and politicians, and the staggering amounts of money spent; except to say that on the subject of money, I see that our government has promised £178 million per year in aid to Afghanistan until 2017.

I would suggest that they have it sent as a large bag of cash via some helicopter pilot, who has instructions to fly to Helmand province and drop it next to the first bearded tribesman he sees who is wearing a turban, carrying an AK47 and tending a poppy field; thereby …

… cutting out the middle man !

Posted in political, rant | 2 Comments »

My “window on the world” !

Posted by Big John on October 17, 2014

Although I spend time on the internet and still have a daily newspaper delivered, most of what I learn about the world and much of what I see in the way of entertainment comes to me through my television screen: and, I must say that this grumpy old git sometimes regrets not leaving the TV on ‘standby’ !

For what I often see on my TV screen is a ‘shallow’ world where the cult of ‘celebrity’ is worshipped, and the crude and the vulgar is accepted without question. In this world wit and droll humour has been largely replaced by loutish behaviour and foulmouthed utterances.

This is not only seen in the world of entertainment, sport, and those dreadful ‘Reality’ TV shows, where ignorance and stupidity are applauded by screaming morons fans; but, also in the political arenas of the world, where those who seek to govern we ‘lesser mortals’ often show themselves for the self-serving, arrogant, hypocritical incompetents that they are.

I also see a world where people still believe in medieval superstition, many of them wishing to drag us back to the dark ages in the name of some deity or other. Some are prepared to slaughter believers and non-believers alike, in the name of their religion, whilst others just want to rule over the gullible.

At the moment I see terror in Africa and panic in much of the world, as a frightening ‘plague’  threatens to spread: but apart from the efforts of a few brave health workers, little seems to be happening, and, as usual, our posturing political leaders don’t seem to have a clue what to do about it.

OK, so behind all the ghastly glitz and glitter, and amongst all the doom and gloom, I do occasionally glimpse a story which encourages me to believe that the whole world is not full of Philistines, fanatics and fools, but, regrettably,   …

…   it doesn’t happen very often !

Posted in humour, political, rant, religion | 1 Comment »

Holy Humping !

Posted by Big John on September 30, 2014

A Roman Catholic bishop has been a very naughty old priest by breaking his vows of celibacy with, not one, but two women, and who knows how many more ?

So who cares if he was frolicking around the font, having sex in the sacristy, bonking in the belfry, copulating in the crypt, having nookie in the nave, shagging in some shrine: and as for what he may have been doing in the oratory ? … Well, let’s not go there !

Anyway, he was as they say only .. “Getting to know someone in the biblical way” !

Let’s just hope that, unlike many creepy Catholic clerics, he resisted visiting  …

… the choir stalls !

Posted in humour, rant, religion | 5 Comments »

So who is that on the cover ?

Posted by Big John on September 20, 2014

I am about half way through reading a book about young people who fought in the French Resistance during World War II. It is a translation of a work by the leading French author Marc Levy: but I think something must have got ‘lost in translation’, for the main character in the tale, and ‘hero’ so to speak, who dreams about becoming an RAF pilot, is described as having …  “red hair, white skin dotted with red freckles” … and … “a short sighted gaze behind his glasses” …

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It’s just like in the movies, when they decide to film a ‘best seller’ and cast some actor who bears not the slightest resemblance to an interesting character as described in one of your favourite novels: and as for historical ‘blockbusters’, well who could forget the 1950’s epic load of ‘old cobblers’ .. “The Conqueror” .. starring the great Hollywood actor John Wayne as the much feared Mongol warrior …

… Genghis Khan !

Posted in humour, nostalgia, rant | 3 Comments »

Does Mel Gibson know what’s going on ?

Posted by Big John on September 16, 2014

Only a couple of days to go before we could see the breakup of the United Kingdom, if the land of the ‘haggis bashers’ becomes an independent country.

To be honest, I couldn’t care less if the majority of ‘Jocks’ north of the border decided that they wanted to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall and make Rod Stewart their head of state.

‘Her Maj’ might be a bit pissed off at not being Queen of Scotland anymore, but I’m sure that the Scots would still allow her and her tribe to stay (hopefully for ever) at her favourite Balmoral Castle, for I’m sure that they would miss the hilarious sight of all that tartan being worn by a bunch of ‘Highland’ …

… Germans and Greeks ! 

Posted in humour, political, rant | 5 Comments »

No more burnt toast !

Posted by Big John on September 3, 2014

In my kitchen I have a small toaster, with just two slots for the bread, and most mornings I have to decide if I want one or two slices of toast for my breakfast.

Now I have just found out that if I only put one slice of bread in the toaster and leave one slot empty I am wasting energy and helping to destroy the planet !

Can you believe that, not content with the ridiculous prohibition on vacuum cleaners, the EU bureaucrats little führers in Brussels have their eyes set on about 30 other electrical items, such as lawn mowers, hairdryers and, Yes ! .. Toasters ! … Not to mention all those brown envelopes stuffed full of Euros being passed under the table.

I recently read that the polar bears are now happy, but the seals (their lunch) are pissed off, because the ice in the artic is not melting: in fact, it is expanding: so all those crappy light bulbs which the EU forced me to buy are a waste of bloody time; as it now seems (well, for the moment) that there is not one shred of scientific evidence that man causes global warming; so, if not ‘man’, who then ? … Well, we know that it’s not those polar bears, but methane farting cows are still a possibility. Or perhaps it is just nature doing …

… what ‘nature’ has always done.

Posted in humour, political, rant | 1 Comment »

The Fjords vs ‘Facebook’ ?

Posted by Big John on September 1, 2014

Situated high up and towards the bow of our cruise ship …

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 … was ‘The Observatory’, a very pleasant and comfortable bar with large panoramic windows.  Needless to say that it was a very popular spot for many passengers, as it offered a great view of all the magnificent scenery as we cruised slowly along the beautiful fjords on our first day in Norway.

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Now you may find this hard to believe, but as I sat enjoying a cold beer and watching the mountains, waterfalls and pretty villages ‘drift by’, I noticed that many of my fellow passengers were not gazing out of the windows at the stunning landscape, but were fiddling with their smartphones or jabbing their fingers at their tablets, and a number were reading (mostly ‘Kindles’), or even knitting. Of course, “the best seats in the house” were occupied by selfish old farts who were taking their afternoon nap !

I wonder if they where the same passengers who, at our first port of call …

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… paid the rip-off prices to pack the tour buses, ‘Troll Trains’ …

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… and pleasure boats to view very similar (if not the same) mountains, waterfalls and villages as those they had failed to notice during the previous day’s scenic voyage ?

I heard one bloke say that he hoped to see a reindeer on his four hour pleasure bum numbing bus trip,. If he did, I bet it features …

… in a ‘selfie’ ! 

Posted in humour, rant, travel | 1 Comment »

 
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