bigjohn

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Too many toasted ‘tats’.

Posted by Big John on July 26, 2012

School’s out and so is the sun with the temperature rising towards 90 degrees today. This means that every shopping mall and supermarket is full of screaming brats and half naked bodies. Not that I’m averse to half naked bodies (or completely naked ones come to that) provided that they come in the form of Elle Macpherson !

Unfortunately when I visited Sainsbury’s today Elle was nowhere to be seen, although acres of bare flesh was on display, most of it bulging out of skimpy shorts or too tight ‘boob tubes’ and much of it covered in sunburned tattoos. Peeling pink skin really sets off that cross-eyed dragon with it’s tongue hanging out. Especially when it is on the upper arm of some woman who has been on a Sumo wrestler’s diet. Not too long ago such women were only to be found in Circus sideshows. Now we can all see them for free !

Glowing red skin was also visible on the skinny torsos of macho pimply young men dressed only in surfers’ baggies (not a surfboard in sight), and on the legs of old gits wearing our national summer dress of socks and sandals.

Somehow many Brits don’t seem to have understood the dire warnings about what can happen if you don’t slap on the old sunblock. Blimey ! … You can even buy a sunscreen to save your tattoos from fading. Umm … Perhaps that’s not such a good idea.

Protecting yourself from the sun’s rays can be quite expensive, as most of the creams and lotions on the supermarket shelves cost more than a half decent bottle of wine. Ah! .. Now there is a good reason to sit in the shade …

… Pass the corkscrew !

5 Responses to “Too many toasted ‘tats’.”

  1. grannymar said

    I’ve brought another glass so I can join you in the shade while we discuss if we should inform ‘elf & safety’ about the bare sweaty bodies near the food, that we might want to buy.

  2. Oh dear, it took my American accented ears a few minutes to wrap themselves around “elf and safety” in Grannymar’s comment. Truth is I worry about those sweaty bodies around food, too. If I bring my own box of wine (You didn’t think I would bring something imported and expensive, did you?) could I join the two of you in the shade of the tree.

    John, Am loving all your posts on the Olympics etc. Keep them coming for they are often my smile for the mornning.

  3. My beautiful wife is away on a visit to relatives, so there’s much sweating in the kitchen as I try to figure out how to micro something half decent for dinner. Now I know I could be contaminating the food, which is bad enough as it is. Hell with it, I’ve got a couple of extra bottles of perfectly terrible wine ($3.97 at Wal Mart). When’s the next flight to England?

  4. rummuser said

    Didn’t you get to see low hip saggy pants with cracks showing too?

  5. Many pubs place a notice at their doors stating their policy on customers’ dress standards. I think that food shops have even more reason to do so because of the health risk from naked flesh coming into contact with the goods on display. Perhaps in hot weather, there should be “enrobers” posted at the entrance to hand incoming customers a gown to wear if they are showing too much naked skin.

    Tattoos are a pet hate of mine. There is no such thing as a pretty tattoo: they are all ugly and the only thing a tattoo demionstrates is the owner’s poor taste. Oh, and don’t get me started on piercings…

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