bigjohn

There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

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  • My Life and Times

    I was born in 1939 BC. That's 'Before Computers'. Luckily I survived the following events in my life, such as World War II, The London Blitz, Rationing, and worst of all... Archbishop Temple's School.

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    During the mid 1950s I was enjoying Rock 'n' Roll and being a first generation teenager, when suddenly, just like Elvis, I found myself in uniform during 'The Cold War'...and then

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    I became 'a family'. Which meant that I sort of missed the 'swinging sixties', but still managed to look a complete prat in the 70s, just like everyone else.

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    During the 'Thatcher Years' I lost my hair and a lot of people lost a good deal more. My career fluctuated to say the least as I was demoted, promoted, fired and hired a number of times, but still I managed to stagger on into a welcome retirement and to celebrate 50 years of happy marriage.
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Archive for December, 2011

Cheers ! … to a Happy New Year.

Posted by Big John on December 31, 2011

Well, bugger me ! … Here’s just the news I need on New Year’s Eve … Our Dave is after my gin and tonic !

Yes, the good old nanny state is at it again with the not so bright idea that putting up the price of booze will reduce consumption.

Well, will it ? … Of course not,  … Blimey ! .. Just take a look at the drug problem in this country, even a ban did nothing to stop those with a habit from obtaining whatever they fancied. In fact it merely increased the incidences of drug related crime: and judging by the size of the cigarette displays in local shops and those people puffing away outside every pub, the extremely high rate of duty on tobacco products seems to have little effect. If this minimum price idea is related to the health of the nation, it would make more sense to put a bloody great tax on junk food.

First hand experience tells me that a dependance on alcohol causes many problems and can lead to violence and abuse within the family, and that it also results in a burden for the tax payer and the hospital system, but penalising those who, like many old farts, enjoy sharing a bottle of wine or a warming ‘nightcap’ won’t solve those problems, but of course it will shovel loads of extra cash down the government’s ‘black hole’.

So what about all those ‘binge drinkers’ who so blight our town centres on a Friday and Saturday night ?

Well, how about the police enforcing the ‘drunk and disorderly’ laws which we already have in place, and sticking the pissed and puking punks (and punkesses) in an old fashioned ‘drunk tank’ for the night, before giving them a seriously hefty fine in the morning ? … Oh! .. and putting the shutters up on those all night ‘drinking factories’ would be a good idea. You know … the ones that sprang up after gormless Tony Blair thought that our yobs would become part of a continental style “café culture” if he let them drink all night.

I believe that there are six bars within the Houses of Parliament where the honourable members and their cronies can enjoy a tipple at bargain prices. So do us all a favour Dave, and …

… start with that lot !

Posted in humour, political, rant | 4 Comments »

Festive fury !

Posted by Big John on December 28, 2011

Talk about a violent Christmas ! … with reports of stabbings up and down the country during the holiday period, including one in Rochdale, one in Littlehampton of all places, one in Liverpool and two in the West End of London, where the battle to grab a bargain in the Boxing Day sales took on a whole new meaning when weapons were used in London’s Oxford Street and one young man died on the pavement. It would now appear that he was a street gang member out with his ‘gangsta’ mates on a shoplifting spree when they ran into a rival gang. It is even suggested that he died fighting over a pair of stolen trainers (sneakers).

As if all this is not shocking enough, a near riot ensued in Oxford Street because police prevented people from entering the crime scene to take pictures of the fallen man, while others were incensed because they could not get to the stores to continue with their bargain hunting.

Blimey ! .. There was even a report of a melee at a midnight mass in Southampton; and, believe it or not, a priestly punch-up in, of all places …

…    Bethlehem ! 

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

A fantasy festive frolic.

Posted by Big John on December 22, 2011

Usually around now I think up some seasonal post, but I’m a bit pissed off with Christmas this year, for it seems to have been going on since about October, and all the Ho! .. Ho! .. Ho! .. jolly TV shows, old movies and advertising are ‘getting on my tits’, although I’ve not yet seen Santa and his bloody Coca Cola convoy.

So as today is the Winter Solstice I am considering setting aside my atheism for a few days, and going all Pagan, just like all those poor buggers who are banged up and unable to make it to Stonehenge this year, or for a few years more with a bit of luck.

There was a pagan festival at this time of year long before the Christians hi-jacked it and added the story about a baby in a manger, and some gullible old carpenter who thought that his wife was still a virgin, so I’m all in favour of reviving ‘Yuletide’ and dumping all that Christmas crap.

Now I’m not sure if I should ‘get down’ with the Druids, hang out with the heathens, or have a wacky ‘Wicca’ weekend getting my kit off and dangling dancing round the camp fire ?

Ah! … on second thoughts, I don’t fancy the idea of waving my mistletoe wand about (or my willy, come to that) down in the woods when the winter wind whistles; so I’m reconsidering this whole ‘Solstice’ scenario, which probably means that this weekend will see me at home, with my feet up in front of the fire, watching …

… “Ben Hur” for the umpteenth bleedn’ time !

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p.s. ….  YULE OUT THERE … HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS !

Posted in humour | 3 Comments »

“Nice work if you can get it”.

Posted by Big John on December 19, 2011

I see that ‘er Maj’s useless bloody tribe will visit the nations where she is still hanging on as head of state, major Commonwealth countries, and other destinations with close links to the UK next year. Gawd only knows why ?

Oh ! of course, it’s the old gal’s ‘Diamond Jubilee’ year. Mind you they always make state visits sod off to warmer climes most years when the British weather gets a bit nippy, and Randy Andy has, at tax payers’ expense, found his way around just about every golf course and luxury hotel in the world. This time he can play the ‘pukka sahib’ in India and ‘bag’ a tiger or two, although with a bit of luck a ‘tiger’ might bag him.

Willy and Katie are off to Malaysia, Singapore, the Solomon Islands and Tuvalu. I wonder if there are still cannibals about in those parts? If so, they won’t be very pleased to see that the skinny duchess would not add much meat to the pot.

‘er Maj and Phil the Greek will be “working hard” as usual as they trundle around the UK, shaking hands and accepting flowers from little kids who’s pushy mums elbow silly old ladies out of the way in a bid to get on the TV news.

Potty Prince Charlie and Cruella Camilla will travel to Australia, Canada, New Zealand and Papua New Guinea (will someone please tell the headhunters that they could bag a royal trophy) as part of the celebrations, and the ‘ginger spare’ Apache helicopter pilot and piss artist, will tour Belize, Jamaica and the Bahamas. Well it beats getting shot at in Afghanistan.

Horsey Anne is off to Mozambique and Zambia while her twit of a younger brother and his wife soppy Sophie get a nice little trip to the West Indies and Gibraltar.

Wouldn’t it be great if when they all reached their destinations …

… they bloody well stayed there ?

Posted in humour, rant | 4 Comments »

Another “quick fix” fiasco ?

Posted by Big John on December 16, 2011

I see that our Dave is at it again with another think of a gimmick and throw money at it proposal.

This time it’s all about transforming the lives of 120,000 “troubled families” lazy, feckless, anti-social, moronic arseholes who already cost the hard working tax payers of this country £9 billion a year by getting stoned, pissed and breeding like bleedn’ rabbits !

So, what’s our Prime Minister going to do ? He’s going to spend £448 million so that each family gets their own social worker, and a network of out-reach co-ordin…  “trouble shooters” to co-ordinate action to help these “chaotic families”.

Chaotic families ! .. That’s putting it mildly, as I’m sure their inexperienced dedicated social workers will soon find out when they try to enquire as to which kids belong to which mother and how many ‘dads’ are involved.
 
OK, so this is a serious problem, and I feel very sorry for those children who have never heard a kind word, or have never experienced the joy of a proper family environment, but sending some ‘wet behind the ears’ social “family” worker round to tell some tattooed tart that her brood needs feeding and that it’s time to send them to school won’t help, because most of these so called parents have only got half a brain between them and can’t think further than their next joint or can of Special Brew.

Now if the ‘trouble shooters’ were to be given draconian powers to enable them to deal with these benefit dependant layabouts, then it might have some effect, but the proposed scheme is voluntary. So if a family refuses to co-operate, local councils will have the use their limited powers to evict tenants, take children into care or issue useless anti-social behaviour orders, and there is not much chance of that happening on a regular basis.

So knowing that they cannot be forced to take part in this ridiculous scheme; how many dysfunctional families will agree to change their way of life ?

Surely he must know the answer to this question, or …

… is Dave really that dumb ? 

Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »

Is “Euroland” a theme park ?

Posted by Big John on December 12, 2011

I don’t pretend to understand everything about David Cameron’s decision to veto changes to the European Union treaty or how it .. “helped protect Britain’s economic interests”.. but I’m sure that  it will bring a few unforeseen ramifications.

However, I do know that this is the third time our sausage eating cousins have seen their chance to become the ‘masters’ of Europe. The first time it was Kaiser Bill; and then Adolf had a go with a little help from his French mate Pierre Laval and his …”cheese eating surrender monkies”…  just as Führer Frau Merkel is being supported by that little Gallic git Sarkozy.

So now our Dave is being represented, by certain sections of the press, as the ‘knight in shining armour’ who has saved us from being swallowed by the European monster, and now has the support of the majority of the British people. How the bloody hell do they know that ?

Oh! I know … It’s those mysterious polls which tell us that 65% of the population support our leaving the European Union ! … Bollocks ! … More than 65% of the nation don’t even know what the EU is, and think that a ‘Eurosceptic’ is someone who caught a nasty disease when on holiday in Benidorm.

It also appears that another 65% would now vote for Dave, but that’s only because they think he is a member of a ‘boy band’ on the ‘X Factor’ ! … and believe that the ‘Euro Zone’ is the ultimate destination in an ‘Xbox’ game.

Now I’m expected to believe that the vaste majority of the Great British public want to vote in a referendum. So how come when it comes time to visit my local polling station, it’s only me, …

… some neighbourhood nutter and a stray dog who turn up ?

Posted in humour, political, rant | 2 Comments »

Bandages or bullets ?

Posted by Big John on December 9, 2011

During the 18th and 19th centuries when soldiers in most British army regiments wore red coats with different coloured facings, cuffs, collars etc. musicians such as drummer boys wore uniforms in the ‘facing’ colour to denote that they were noncombatants and therefore it was expected that they should not become targets on the field of battle; for they also had another roll to play when the musket balls flew. They cared for the wounded and carried them from the battlefield. You could say that they were some of the first ‘medics’.

During World War 1 and World War 2 stretcher bearers and other medical personnel were identified by the red crosses on their armbands and helmets and they did not carry weapons, so it came as a surpise to me when I read that the first women in the British Army to kill a member of the Taliban in Afghanistan was a ‘medic’.

Now I know that this young lady was only defending herself against some fanatic who would not respect a red cross on her uniform, and that the arming of a ‘noncombatant’ is probably justified (and allowed under the Geneva Convention) in this case, but it came as an even bigger surprise to me when I watched “Ross Kemp – Back on the Front Line” on ‘Sky One’ the other evening and saw him riding in a ‘Jackel’ armoured vehicle where at one point one of it’s crew opened fire with a GMG (grenade machine gun) which is capable of firing 320 explosive rounds per minute. So hardly a ‘side arm’ for self defence, and yet the soldier handling this deadly weapon was also a ‘medic’ according to Ross.

War is a bloody awful business and men react in different ways to being in combat, but I find it hard to understand how a soldier who was trained to save lives could find himself in the position of trying to take them …

… on such a grand scale ? 

Posted in political, rant | 3 Comments »

A puerile pavement party.

Posted by Big John on December 6, 2011

I know that I am way out of touch with many aspects of modern life, and most of the time I tend to ignore, what I consider to be, the strange behaviour of those around me; and in particular what has come to be known as “grief-lite” or “recreational grief”. In other words the extravagant public displays of grief by people for those they have never met.

I have written before about the roadside ‘shrines’ of plastic wrapped flowers and other ‘offerings’ which seem to appear whenever a tragic death is reported, but now this phenomenon has been taken to a new level with the horrific story of the alleged abuse of a baby in Gravesend, Kent: for, although the baby is reported to be recovering, the candlelit vigils and displays of ‘faux’ grief seem to be accompanied by vigilante violence, and something new has joined the teddy bears, candles and balloons … Chinese flying lanterns ! … Take a look again at the picture of the women launching them. Time to have fun girls ! Now they can …

…  really enjoy themselves !

Posted in rant | 2 Comments »

 
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