Spells in the cells.

I see that there are around 300 Pagans serving sentences in British prisons at the moment who, according to the rules, have the same rights as the followers of other religions. They are allowed to have in their cells hoodless robes, rune stones and twigs to be used as magic wands. Pagan chaplains (No I’m not making this up) can offer bedside healing rituals, meditation and special prayers to sick prisoners and may also bring in healing stones and small statues of gods and goddesses to place beside the prisoners’ beds. 

This latest example of religious tolerance reminds me of when I was training at an RAF camp in the late 50’s where it was the rule that all recruits attended church parade every Sunday. That is if you were a Christian and a member of one of the main churches in this country. Everyone else was classed as an ‘OD’ or ‘other denomination’ and did not have to parade.

Now in those days Muslims and Hindus were ‘a bit thin on the ground’ in the UK, and Buddhists were almost non-existent, except for one lad in my billet who shaved his head, sat cross-legged on his bed and claimed that he followed some old geezer called ‘Zen’. He was excused church parade (and eventually taken away) as were some others who claimed to be followers of various exotic eastern religions. There were also worshippers of Odin and Mithras and of course a few genuine agnostics and atheists.

Of course the NCO’s in charge of our training knew that most of the ‘OD’s’ were just ’taking the piss’ in the hope that they would be able to spend Sunday morning in bed while everyone else was being marched off to church. Sadly this was not to be, and the alternative day of military ‘meditation’ arranged for them caused most of them to undergo a miraculous conversion to Christianity the following Sunday.

Now I’m sure that there are a few genuine wand wavers in jail, but I bet most are like those ‘OD’s’ and are  …

…      just piss taking ‘Pagans’.

No more cow meat in ‘cattle class’.

Over the years I’ve eaten hundreds of airline meals; some bloody awful and some pretty good, although the good ones came mostly when travelling ‘business class’ when someone else was paying for the ticket.

I remember on one occasion when I sat looking at a tray containing a dried up pasta dish, a small hard roll, some sort of pink dessert, two crackers and a morsel of sweaty cheese, when the lady beside me suddenly said … “You should request a Kosher meal”, … “But I’m not Jewish”, I replied … “Neither am I” said the lady, and I must say the contents of her tray looked a lot more appetizing than mine.

I was reminded of that mid-air meal when I read today that British Airways is to stop serving beef in economy-class and instead offer a fish or chicken dish. BA claim that the new meals are “healthier, lighter and without religious prohibitions for all passengers”.  In other words … we don’t want any pissed-off Hindus travelling on our aircraft and we carry an awful lot of them.

Whilst the Hindu Council in this country … “welcomes the descision” … they also say that … “Hindus are tolerant of the beliefs of others and do not expect everyone to stop eating a food because they do not eat it.”

It would seem that once again someone has got their knickers in a twist about offending one of our religious minorities, when obviously the ‘minority’ concerned is not really bothered.

So how many passengers will be ‘bothered’ that BA will now only serve beef to the people sitting in the ‘posh’ seats behind the curtain ? Not many I expect, as most of them didn’t know what they were eating in the first place, and it certainly never tasted like …

…   the ‘Roast Beef of Old England’.

Just look up and smile.

As I was entering the gentlemen’s toilets at my local Sainsbury’s supermarket the other day, I saw a sign on the door warning that CCTV was in operation. I didn’t take too much notice as I was in a bit of a hurry, but as I sat looking at the coat peg on the door of the stall, I noticed another ‘warning’ written in felt-tip ink just above it. It read … ‘Look out for the pinhole camera in the light fitting above your head’. 

A joke ? … Well I hope so, but not too far from the truth if the latest reports on our surveillance mad society are to be believed, for it seems that the UK has more CCTV cameras than any other country in Europe.

Now we know that these cameras are good at making money by catching parking offenders, or people dropping litter in the street, but has all this expensive technology made us all safer ? … Of course it hasn’t. In fact according to the boss of Scotland Yard’s Visual Images, Identifications and Detections Office … “It’s been an utter fiasco”.

All I know is that the bloody things are everywhere, and they are not always easy to spot, because now these devices come in all shapes and sizes and can be disguised as … street lamps … light fittings … smoke alarms etc. … and now you can even be ‘caught on camera’ by your local school crossing ‘lollipop’ lady.

So be warned … Be careful where you park … put your bleedin’ litter in the bin … don’t swear at the lollipop lady … and …

…  don’t use too much toilet paper ! 

‘Cool’ research results.

It looks like those polar bears can stop worrying about their ice floes disappearing if scientists at the Leibniz Institute of Marine Sciences are to be believed, for according to them we are in for a ten year period of global cooling.  Some reports even claim that the earth stopped warming up six years ago.

Now that’s a surprise ! For just when I thought that I was about to be trampled to death by hordes of carbon footprints or asphixiated by the gases in my greenhouse, I now find that I may have made a big mistake by planting date palms in my garden and digging that well.

OK, so I may not be an expert on the subject of climate change, in fact I hardly know my El Niño from my La Niña, but I do feel that most of what is happening to our planet has happened many times before and is perfectly normal.

What has not happened before, however, is that a bunch of greedy bastards have created a whole new ‘climate change industry’ by scaring the shit out of the more gullible amongst us, including some not too bright world leaders.

So I suppose that this new information means that we don’t have to feel guilty anymore about using those patio heaters, spraying our armpits, flying to the ‘Costas’, driving a 4X4, and farting out-of-doors.

Even with petrol (gas) now costing £5 ($9.50) a gallon, this holiday weekend will still see millions of sun seeking motorists clogging up our highways and chucking out clouds of CO2 into the atmosphere.  I wonder how many of them will know that they may no longer need be concerned about increasing the size of  …

… the hole in the ozone layer ?