bigjohn

There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

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“This may sting a bit”.

Posted by Big John on September 19, 2007

I’ve found that as I grow older I get problems with parts of my body I never knew I had: take my prostate gland for instance.

I looked it up on the web and found that it appeared to be situated near the entrance to the bladder, so why when I visited my doctor did he tell me to drop my trousers, lay on his couch and stick out my bum ? I won’t go into details, but what came next involved a rubber glove and a tube of lubricating gel.

More gel came into play when I visited the hospital for an ultra sound scan of my lower abdomen. Not an unpleasant experience, but I did feel  a bit of a prat sitting amongst all those pregnant women in the waiting room, and unlike them, I wasn’t even presented with a copy to take home to show the family.

Now I must admit that I was not looking forward to my latest visit to the hospital, for it involved something called a ‘flexible cystoscopy’ which as far as I could tell involved having a tube containing a ‘telescope’ shoved up your willy for a look around inside your plumbing.

As I lay on the examination couch with my hospital gown pulled up to my waist (not a pretty sight), my mental image of a long garden hose did not help when the consultant asked me to relax.

Out came a tube of more bloody gel. I’ll leave you to guess where that was squirted. All I will say is that it’s anaesthetic qualities where not all they were cracked up to be.

To try and take my mind off what was happening half way up my urethra I watched the doctor as he appeared to be playing a video game with some sort of ‘joy stick’.

I looked up at the monitor and saw something resembling a scene from a TV scuba diving documentary. Suddenly the scene changed as the ‘camera’ shot into a tunnel … “That’s your prostate” … said the doctor as the walls of the tunnel narrowed… “It’s a bit enlarged, but otherwise it looks OK”.

So now I know what it looks like and where it is. It sure is a strange feeling looking inside your own body and seeing something that your own doctor seemed to think  …

…   was concealed up your arse.   :-)

7 Responses to ““This may sting a bit”.”

  1. Betty said

    Welcome back. I’m sorry you had to go through such a humiating experience as soon as you got back. Or, did this happen before your trip, and visiting France was part of your recuperation?

  2. gawilli said

    Having recently had a similar experience, I completely understand. There is nothing quite so humbling. Glad you made it through ok and all is well.

  3. Ginnie said

    This brought back fond memories of when I had a colonoscopy and an EGD at the same time. The colonoscopy meant a hose up my “arse” (as you call it) and the other was a hose down through my throat. I knew the Dr. quite well from all the years that I worked in the ER and he thought it was a great joke to tell me that he’d used the same hose
    …”but, don’t worry, I was sure to do the EGD first”! Ha, Ha.

  4. Red Baron said

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

    :runs away screaming:

  5. I got here from Libertines place. I read your post with interest becuase I had that done to me not that long ago. And at my age (will be 73) it was not a lot of fun. My wife, seated across from this chair I was in, watched them put a large white sheet of paper over my private parts and then pinch out a hole in it where my willy was to be sticking out. Only trouble it was hiding somewhere. They found it and stuck a long needle in the end with medicine or something and later put in the movie or television camera. It was not pleasant and I was astonished at how much that thing could be turned around and it wasn’t a tiny thing either. As you know…

    Oh well, I have an enlarged or a large prostate and the doctor was actually looking for a kidney stone when I had mine done.

    Abraham Lincoln

  6. Big John said

    I had this done after I got back from France, Betty.

    Welcome Abe. I think everyone’s willy hides at a time like that. :-)

  7. Jackshian said

    Funny how reading that makes my toes curl – good to hear you got the all clear John.

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