People who need a kick up the arse.

My top twenty in no particular order are …

1. Those who seem never to have heard of the words … ‘please’ … or … ’thank you’.
2. People who talk loudly in public places, as if they want everyone to hear their conversation.
3. Drivers who hold up the traffic in car parks while they manoeuvre their car into a bay between two other parked vehicles, even when there are dozens of empty spaces just a few yards away.
4. Mobile ‘phone addicts who cannot walk a few yards without the latest ‘Nokia’ glued to their ear.
5. Supermarket aisle blockers .
6. The street eaters, who are never seen without a burger in one hand and a can of something in the other.
7. The same slobs, when the wrapper and the can end up on the pavement (sidewalk).
8. Morons who’s every other word begins with the letter ‘F’.
9. Young women displaying large bare bellies, with or without tattoos.
10. Strangers who want to kiss or hug me. (Excluding young ’busty’ blondes).
11. Parents who let their little darlings run wild in restaurants.
12. Arrogant arseholes who are rude to staff in shops, restaurants, etc.
13. Staff in shops and pubs who think that I am invisible.
14. All town hall ‘jobsworths’.
15. ‘iPod junkies’ who would not notice a kick up the arse because they are on some ‘Rap Crap’ other planet.
16. Bus drivers who give ‘twirlies’ a hard time. (Old folk who try to use their free passes at the wrong time of day … “Am I too early?”).
17. Tourists who think that shouting in English makes foreigners understand.
18. Religious nutters who want to ’save’ me.
19. Cretins who end every sentence with … “Yer know?” … Yer know what I mean ?
20. ‘Boom Boys’ who drive around ‘treating’ us all to the joys of ‘Hip Hop’.

The above list represents just some of the ‘pains in the bum’ who you might encounter any day of the week. It excludes politicians, ‘celebs’, sports ‘heroes’, ‘er Maj’s mob and others who need more than just a kick up the arse. Perhaps I’ll get around to them when …

…   I’m in a more venomous mood.