Getting ‘shipshape’.
Posted by Big John on February 18, 2007
After our little cruise along the Rhine last year, the old ‘trouble and strife’ and I have decided to go on a BIG cruise this year and venture out onto the ‘high seas’.
The cruise company has provided us with a little handbook about life on board their ship and informed us that some evenings are ‘formal’ and that gentlemen may like to dress up in ‘black tie’ and ‘penguin suit’.
Now I’m not mad on ‘dressing up’ and it’s been about three years since I last wore my dinner jacket so when I tried it on I was surprised how well it fitted, but … Oh dear ! the trousers appeared to have shrunk around the waist by a couple of inches.
Shit! I thought. I had better see what else in my wardrobe no longer fits me, for since my retirement I have become a bit of a scruffy old git and never wear a suit, rarely wear a jacket, and I can’t remember when I last pressed a pair of trousers or knotted a necktie.
The result was this …
… two large bags full of clothes which I have no chance of ever fitting into again; including a pair of jeans that must have belonged to someone else.
I have retained a number of items which I may be able to squeeze into … if ? … No! when … I have managed to reduce my waistline by an inch or two over the next couple of months.
If I don’t, I guess that I will have to spend a fortune on a new ‘wardrobe’ for our Spring cruise, or otherwise …
… I’ll be in my cabin, eating alone .
Terri said
Uh oh….Mark’s and Spencer, beware! I see John coming with his credit card and heading for the men’s department!
AND….what? “Trouble and Stife” means WIFE? Is your wife aware of this? Hmmm, not sure that adjective would fly in the US…lol
Jackshian said
I live in T shirts and jeans which is a constant cause of grief with my wife .. I own at least 50 T shirts, with at least half being white, and after a spell of ironing she complains of a form of snow blindness.
We have a sort of game where she buys me ‘nice, smart’ shirts and trousers and puts my old T shirts and jeans in the charity bags .. I then take out the old T shirts and jeans and put in the ‘smart, nice shirts and trousers that normally still have the tags on them as I haven’t and will never wear them .. she can’t seem to understand that I’m more interested in being comfortable than some kind of sad, half arsed fashion icon .. she is not a happy woman about this .. any little thing with women isn’t it?
Enjoy the cruise .. I went on one once and had a great time.
Big John said
Terri – My wife is well aware of the humour in rhyming slang for she is a true Cockney, as she ‘was born within the sound of Bow Bells’. Perhaps I should have called her my old ‘dutch’.
Maria said
I know you will have a wonderful time on your cruise and will look dashing in the tux. It has been my experience that Americans who cruise tend not to follow all the rules and on our last few cruises we have seen suits, but very few tuxedos. I don’t know about European Cruises. . . they probably have quite elegant standards.
I am in the process of cleaning closets and dresser drawers, so am much impressed with the two bags of clothing that are ready to go the thrift shop.