‘No Sale !’

What is the worst sort of torture that I could suffer ?

The rack ? … Thumbscrews ? … The iron maiden ? … or having my naughty bits wired up to the electricity supply ?

Well I think that I would prefer to endure any of those (Umm!  Maybe not the last one) rather than be forced to spend a day in the pure hell of …

…    THE JANUARY SALES !!!!

Why on earth do people put themselves through such an ordeal ? I’ve even seen masochists being interviewed on the TV news, saying what fun it was to start queueing outside a store at 3 a.m. so that they could buy that half price purple and pink leather sofa that the store had been stuck with for the past year.

I’m sure that most normal people would not dream of purchasing many of the items which they rush to buy; but they seem to take leave of their senses when they see those magic … ‘Massive Discounts !’ … ‘Only While Stocks Last !’ … ‘50% Off Everthing !’ … signs.  Blimey ! They are even prepared to tear each other apart to get at them.

I hate today’s gleaming shopping centres at the best of times, and not even the promise of a reserved place in their 13,000 space car park, a police escort through the endless traffic jams and a free lunch at ‘Yo! Sushi’, would entice me to join in the Bluewater ‘blitzkrieg’, in order to buy a load of crap which has been shipped all the way from bloody China especially to boost the income of the UK’s retail ‘giants’ at this time of year.

I know that it’s nice to find a genuine bargain, but I much prefer to ’shop around’ on the internet for mine and avoid risking life and limb by joining  …

…     the misery and mayhem on the malls !