Remember to pass the port to your left.

We all know that George Bush speaks with his mouth full. Remember him greeting our excuse for a prime minister with … “Yo, Blair!” as he was enjoying his lunch. Now it appears that a good many of us confess to having bad table manners.

According to a recent survey people admitted to such things as putting their elbows on the table and putting too much food in their mouths. Well I’m sure that most of us have done that at some time. I will even confess to the odd ‘burp’ after a good meal, excusing myself with the explanation that this is considered to be a compliment in ‘Arab society’. I also consider a knife to be useless when eating such things as pasta and rice dishes, so I adopt the American habit of eating with my fork in my right hand; although I have never gone totally ‘American’ by transferring my fork from my left to my right hand after cutting up my food. (Why do they do that ? Something to do with cowboys or covered wagons I believe.)

What I do find hard to believe is that some of those questioned were honest or stupid enough to confess to … Licking their plate clean … Using their fingers to scoop up last bits of food … Throwing food at someone across the table … and … can you believe ? …  Blowing their noses on their napkins !

One admission I can confirm to be true, although it has little to do with table manners, is that many people … ‘eat straight out of the packaging’… How do I know this ?   …  because …

….  Most of that bloody packaging ends up in my front garden.